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24. Matilda
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A Damaged Alpha 25. Cillian
With a groan and a dozen filthy swear words I wake up and realise I need to find Zena. Quickly. The rain is bucketing down outside, the patter usually soothing enough to keep me asleep. Except I'm wired. Matilda’s sweet little face, the sensation of her kiss is taunting me. I can't burn the world down to get her back to my side without knowing if my prophecy even places us together in the first place.Fuck.I haven't spoken to Zeke either.Or Jackson since putting him on home leave after Anton's death.Ivan the Inferno wouldn’t have had this happen. Groaning into my hands there are so many things I need to do. Including getting a shave because this grizzled orange bear look is not doing me any favours. The crashing noise of a shattering glass silences all my selfish pondering. Cries rise up and panic races through the packhouse like a stiff breeze. Automatically, with no fear I leapt out of the bed, flung up the wooden window sash and swung down onto the porch. My feet thudded onto
A Damaged Alpha 26. Cillian
Zena shifted awkwardly in the tree. The rain fell gently around us, pattering down on the leaves. War is coming. I’m going to end up in a war and see death and carnage brought to the place my whole life is meant to be about protecting.“Zena, what else did you see?”“I saw the same war, the very same battle but you are steel. Your face is twisted in hate. Your warriors are too afraid not to fight for you. Desertion is occurring. You’ve become cruel, bloodthirsty. Consumed by revenge and hatred into driving Shadowlands beyond a just war into something else.”“For what purpose though! If I don’t know who I’m fighting, how do I avoid turning into the second one?”“You’re seeing it wrong Cillian. War is inevitable. You cannot change that the same as you can't rearrange the stars.""How will I know I made the right choice, when it comes to this decision?""You have morals and principles don't yo"I growled lowly, "of course I do. I know right from wrong.""Then I'd keep doing things right
A Damaged Alpha 27. Cillian
I’m an Alpha on my knees because that is what the newly widowed Bianca deserves. In the darkness of the night my knees are in the squelching brown mud, the fire torch of her doorway flickering between us. Inside the house bustles with activity as a mourning vigil begins. To my suprise Bianca offered me her hand. I had half expected her to be angry with me, for failing to protect two members of her family. Instead she tried to pull me upwards and invite me inside but I shook my head. “Alpha, he loved you so much-” she started but I interrupted her with a shake of my head. “I cannot. I cannot stop until I know who has killed him. My soul won’t let me rest Bianca I…I am asking your permission to head up north and investigate tomorrow.” “Not attend Jackson’s pyre?” her voice light and gasping. “There is no man, not any Alpha fit to light the pyre of such a man. You should do it,” taking her slender, shaking fingers in mine. Looking up at her from my mud-drenched stance on my knees.
A Damaged Alpha 28. Matilda
It is becoming harder and harder not to break. The small room Briss so kindly gave me feels like a prison. Especially when Tange spends hours of the day outside it. He insists he wants to get to know me. Yet he knows his scent is flooding the room. His wolf’s call to Nina is almost over-powering.That red pepper scent that reminds me so badly of Cillian, merged with a murky mossy tang, is everywhere. It means my dreams are now lust-fuelled assaults of my mind. I curse Nina each morning as I wake up with slick thighs and a hoarse throat.I have given the room key to Briss, making him promise not to unlock it during the night. I do not trust Nina one bit. She is so desperate to match with Tange’s wolf that I half expected her to make me sleepwalk straight into his bed. I have not spoken to her for several days. I know what games she is playing.The past two nights, I dreamt of unlocking the door, standing naked, and beckoning my mate forward. I offer my body to him like a sacrifice, sta
A Damaged Alpha 29. Cillian
I can do this. I swore to Zena I wouldn’t do anything rash until we knew how to get Vez back. Right now, it is taking every sinew of strength not to punch that smug bastard in the head. He knows exactly what he is doing. Every stroke of Matilda’s hair, every squeeze of her smaller body into his, he has his eyes on me. He knows this is killing me.Maybe if he had been genuine. If he had truly sought to comfort her sadness for Jackson’s death, then maybe I could start to get a handle on this. Instead, he is peacocking. He is showing off his ownership of her instead of caring. His eyes have a peculiar gleam. Grey tinged with fierier shades of orange and yellow where once there was more orange. He is taller, prouder and stronger in every way.This place is grim too. It is not for Matilda. So much grey concrete, the tall pine trees sapping all the daylight and happiness away. I hate myself for imagining Matilda living at Cragstone, with me. The rising sun would bathe her perfect skin ever
A Damaged Alpha 30. Matilda
I despised myself all day. That dinner was the final straw. Even my mother, by the end, was holding my hand and checking I was okay. “I have never known you talk so much in your life! What has happened to my quiet girl,” she said with confusion in her soft blue eyes.My natural shyness comes from being one five. Some personalities rise to the top, like Naomi and Leona, and others are happy to be spectators like me. Yet tonight, it felt that if I didn’t keep talking that somehow the world beneath my feet would crumble.I am holding onto my sanity with the ragged edges of my fingertips. Sat next to me at the table was my mate. The silver haired lion of a man whose touch sends fireworks shivering down my spine. The person who Nina wailed for. Yet across from me was Cillian. The man I have loved for so long.As soon as everyone else retired, leaving us alone in the grey, miserable room, Tange took my hand and whispered, “now kitten, come and join me.”“Where?”“In our bed. I have been pat
A Damaged Alpha 31. Matilda
Wordlessly Cillian, his hands planted on my hips guided me towards the bed. His blue eyes were locked onto mine. I had just my bra and panties on as I sat on the edge of the bed.He stood before me and steadily removed his clothing. In the dim light of the room, I greedily took in his perfect skin, those toned muscles, and rugged shoulders. All leading down towards a sculpted v-line. Without thinking, I stuck my hand out and felt along that ridge of muscle. My fingers were inside the hem of his briefs as he let out a low growl. I pulled him towards me with a soft grin. As my back hit the mattress, he leaned over my body, supported by his elbow and arm as he lavished kisses on me.My hands roamed his bare chest and shoulders. He was so perfect, more than I had ever imagined a man could be."I love you," I murmured as he undid the front fastening of my bra. "I wanted to do this so differently…I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted you in my room as my Luna. I wanted to shower you in eve
A Damaged Alpha 32. Matilda
I scuttled back to my room and almost threw myself into the shower. Dawn had risen and I had to meet my mother for breakfast with Tange. It was excruciating. Sipping orange juice and eating pancakes I knew I could prepare better myself. I had to nod politely at small talk.“Is Alpha Cillian not joining us?” Mama asked.“No he requested Briss take him and Franz out straight away this morning, after completing their inspection I believe the plan is to return and pick you up,” Briss replied disinterestedly. “Ah well, more opportunity for us to catch up!” she said with a wide smile and I wished with all my heart I could tell her what was going on. How in a few hours I would be severing the bond that still flickers between myself and the grey-haired man beside me. His hand rested on my back, toying with the ends of my hair. Nina purred, less enthusiastically than before knowing how much I hated her manipulations but she couldn't help basking in his touch. My skin goosepimpled as the spark
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