explaination

Hi,

so, the reason I've been feeling so off lately is that I was pregnant. It was unplanned and truthfully, unwanted. We were discussing our options, but the doctor looked at the ultrasound today and said I would most likely miscarriage. I am seven weeks late and the embryo was far too small and weak. I got some pills to speed up the process.

These last two weeks have been hard. This was my seventh pregnancy. I've had miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy, and a blighted ovum. thankfully, also two healthy kids. Most of my previous pregnancies had been planned and seeing a postive test would always bring me joy.

But I had a negative reaction to this positive test, and I felt so guilty and stupid for being so careless. There are so many women that want a baby, and Milano and I were not being careful. It was the reason why I couldn’t write last week, because I felt really bad about myself and my choices. I'm 36 and I should know better.

Milano made an appointment for sterilization. He was putting it off for a while now. He's scared of needles, but I don’t want this to happen again, and it's time he does his part.

And I'll probably start my miscarriage Saturday morning after taking the prescribed pills.

I know I don't need to explain this to you all, but you've always supported me and been so patient. So I felt I owed you an explanation.