86. Whole Week without him

It's not easy. It's not easy to forget my dreadful past and start over. I'm scared, but seeing Ashar like this being generous and sugary has weakened me to be angry on him, to push him away, to tell him to stop his sweet torture on me.

And the hurt I observe on his face every time I taunt him or reject him leaves me ashamed, especially when he do not react to my temperament and deal with me patiently, as if he understands my inner battles and fears, as if he can now finally understand my suffering.

His love confession took me to another world and forced me to sink deep into the feeling that's once again has erupted in me. 

But I'm not an impulsive and foolish teenager anymore so I won't take any decision thoughtlessly this time. I'm scared to fall in love again. I'm not certain if I would be able to survive another heartbreak or not. I'm not even sure if I want to try this marriage or not. Ashar and I are worlds apart and what he did to me back then, how