2. Fake Love and Harsh Betrayal

C H A P T E R  2  :  A S  H E R  W O R L D  C R U M B L E S

You do not know what heartbreak is until you look at yourself in the mirror with tears welling up in your eyes, seeing your reflection as a disappointment because they left you for things they thought were worth it. Trust me there is nothing beautiful about aching from the insides.

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Kelsey Leah Ferreira always knew that she was not the prettiest crayon in the box. If she had to pick one color to define her, she would go with either gray or brown. Not something that would stand out or catch people’s attention. Definitely, it would not be sexy red, bright yellow, or cute pink. It would be a plain, dull brown, or invisible gray — whichever she could have. Just like the color of her hair, although she was not born a brunette. This dark brown color was for Shane, her two years long boyfriend who always had a thing for brunettes and despised blondes. He had once told her that blondes were stupid and shallow, and even though he knew she was neither, he would still prefer her being a brunette.

It was stupid. She was well aware of that. Someone who genuinely loved you would always love you regardless of how you looked. But again, love made you do stupid things and that was the only reason she could find to justify her action of dyeing her gorgeous platinum hair to dark brown.

As Kelsey brushed her curly brown hair with her fingers and stared at her own reflection in the mirror, she could not help but miss her old hair. This hair color might work on guys, just like it did on Shane, but not for someone with dark brown eyes and skin complexion like hers. It made her look dull. Sighing heavily, she pushed herself up. Perhaps one day she could change his mind and they would laugh about this. Maybe this would be their private joke in the future.

After making sure she had nothing out of ordinary with her look, she unlocked the bathroom door and headed downstairs where everyone from her school was partying. Unlike other parties, this one was huge. Their school's football team had won, and knowing Mitch Hammer was the host, everyone came. It was a well known fact that Mitch always threw the best party, and his dad had the best collection of alcohol stashed in the basement with a crappy lock that the boys could easily break into.

Tonight she was supposed to be working at the club, pretending to be twenty two years old waitress so the club manager would let her serve drinks and earn some cash, but Shane wanted to come and after eight days in a row working day and night, she allowed herself to have a break.

It was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be a night she would enjoy with her boyfriend and her best friend, Bryson Thomas. In a way, this was a reward she had given to herself after working so hard. With a smile on her face, she reentered the room from her short trip to the toilet upstairs since the one downstairs had been used by a couple who had no doubt did not want to be interrupted.

Yet the second she walked in, Kelsey knew something was up. She could sense that something terrible was about to happen from how everyone’s bodies went rigid the moment their eyes caught sight of her. And then there was that look in everyone's eyes. A mix of shock, guilt, and . . . pity.

The anticipation continued to build inside of her as she walked further into the room, making her way through the crowd and instinctively heading towards the back of the room near the fireplace. Every step she took made her stomach churn. The tension penetrating her skull intensified as she caught the sight of Shane and one more person wrapped in each other's arms, looking like they were in a wrestling match. Boys from her school did that a lot, especially during parties when everyone was too drunk to care. She had previously heard that Glen C. had passed out when Josh F strangled him too hard last week at Kev's TGIF party. Perhaps she would have to nurse Shane tonight if things got worse. It would not be the first time since Lord knows how many times he had gotten hurt while on the field, being the Northern High’s quarterback and all.

Once Kelsey was only a few feet away from them, able to see clearer, she immediately wished this was all just a nightmare. Something she could wake up to in the morning and feel happy that none of it was real. Because right there, in the middle of the crowded room where everyone’s eyes were widened in amusement, her boyfriend was kissing someone passionately, almost as if his life depended on it. A kiss that was so intense that it made the onlookers feel uncomfortable by the amount of public display of affection.

Her? It made her want to puke her guts out.

In all honesty, Kelsey was not the person who was easily triggered. She was convinced that she would always act with reason. Perhaps that was the reason why she could never understand how a person who was happy and chills in one minute could get so violent in the next. Not until she was slightly drunk and put in this very spot.

Rushing forward, she stomped her feet towards the couple, grabbed Shane's arm, and pulled him away. She knew how to play it. She had seen it countless times in teen dramas on N*****x where the girlfriend would slap the other girl in front of everyone then kick the boyfriend's balls. Well, maybe not in the dramas but she knew if someone was cheating, usually both parties were at fault: the one who cheated and the one he cheated with. Yet there was only one tiny problem. The one her boyfriend had been tongue wrestling with was not a girl. In fact, it was someone she knew all too well.

"Bryson?!" Her eyes widened as she recognized the person her boyfriend had been kissing, the same one who had caused the commotion, was none other than her childhood best friend, Bryson Thomas. The one she had spent every New Year, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with. Her childhood best friends. Her eyes darted between the two people she loved most while everyone's eyes were on her, waiting to see her reaction. Some even had their phone camera on, eager to film the upcoming teen drama so they could post it on YouTube and social media. She was sure the entire school would know in a matter of minutes.

Feeling disgusted, she took her hand off Shane. If there were no audience, she would not mind puking all over the boys' feet but right now, she did not want to embarrass herself further especially when the two people in front of her had done enough of that. Instead, she breathed in then let it out, trying to calm herself down. “What is going on?" she asked, keeping her voice calm and in control while inside she was breaking and confused. Suddenly, even though there were at least fifty people in the room, she had never felt so alone. “Do you guys play truth or dare or something?”

Shane had been her first boyfriend. While other couples may not last for six months, let alone a year, they had been dating for two years. Two whole years. That was two birthdays, two Christmases, two New Years, and two Thanksgiving. They had been each other’s first too. She had dated him long before he became the quarterback. She had gone to each practice, giving him motivation when he needed it the most. She had loved him with all of her heart and yet, it all came down to this.

“Look, Kels, it is not what you think but I can explain!” Bryson said as he took a step forward, his eyes pleading for a chance to defend his action.

Kelsey slid her gaze back to Shane. His face did not show guilt nor regret. It was almost as if he had purposely planned this for her to see it, and now that she had, he could go on and pat himself on the back. She knew it was stupid to ask someone who looked like he did not give a damn but that someone was her boyfriend, one that she'd been dating for two years. She did not know whether she could ever forgive him but at the very least, she wanted to hear his thoughts. “Shane?”

“What do you want me to say?” Shane sighed, shrugging one shoulder. “Dating you opened up my eyes. It made me realize that I don't actually have problems with blondes,” he smirked and glanced at Bryson who evidently had wavy blonde hair, “Thanks to you, I realized that I was just having problems with girls. So yeah, thank you for making me realize that I prefer guys to girls.” The whole room gasped but she managed to stifle the urge. “So, Kels, I guess this is it, huh?”

Was still in a daze, she dared herself to ask. “This is what? Do you expect me to say ‘your welcome’, Shane?”

“Sure,” Shane chuckled. That sound she always thought was sexy now felt like nails scratching on a chalkboard to her ears. “But that is not what I meant. I am breaking up with you, Kels.”

That was when the world came crashing down, burying her with so many emotions all at once. She stumbled back, nearly knocked Tim H. off the floor, her gaze fell upon Bryson but even he could not save her now. How could he when he was the reason she felt the world had fallen apart? Or perhaps the world had not fallen apart. It was just hers.

Walking away was never a hard thing to do. All of her life, Kelsey had watched people walking away when things got hard. She had enough lessons watching her mother walk away from her, leaving Kelsey and her father behind, and watching her father walk away from his role as a parent. This was not the first time someone walked away from her and left her to deal with the mess in her heart.

At the moment, Kelsey thought it would be easy to mimic her parents, to walk away without a care. Yet with all eyes on her, she found her feet rooted to the floor firmer than ever. It was a tough battle. Her body refused to let go but her mind knew it was wise to count herself out of the equation. At last, she willed herself, forcing herself to be strong so she would not get everyone’s pity.

“Okay.” Her mouth was quivering slightly, not quite sure what to say, and her eyelids seemed to be blinking more than usual to keep the tears from falling. If it was Shane with some other girl, she would slap both of them and then she could tell Bryson all about it. But with Bryson being involved, it was a whole different matter. A higher level of hell. She did not only lose her boyfriend, but she also lost her best friend too. Both at the same time. Damn.

“Please, Kels, hear me out,” Bryson started softly. “I did not mean any of this to happen. I have tried my best to—”

“Mitch,” she cut off Bryson's lame explanation, dragging her eyes to Mitch Hammer, one of the onlookers who stood nearby. “Awesome party as usual. This one will go down in history, I am sure.”

“Y-yeah,” Mitch scratched the back of his neck, probably feeling awkward being put in this position. His eyes kept glancing back from Kelsey to Bryson to Shane before they went back to Kelsey again. “Thanks, um, I guess.”

She willed her feet to move, placing one in front of the other until she was out of everyone's sight with the backdoor closed behind her. One stubborn tear crawled its way out of one corner of her eye. Using the back of her hand covered in her white long sleeve, she brushed it off.

“Crap!” Kelsey cursed before she could stop herself. She rubbed the dark spot her mascara left on her sleeve with her thumb, hoping it would fall off, just like her mascara often fell off to her under eye whenever she blinked. Yet the more she rubbed, the more it smeared all over the fabric.

People said one tear led to another and sure enough, just like a key, her tear opened the gate as she burst into floods of tears. It was unbearable, the pain was exquisite. Without the love from either of her parents, she had considered Shane and Bryson as her family and having them betrayed her like this was excruciating. They were the only two people in the whole world that had convinced her they would never leave — that they would never hurt her. The three of them had made a pact four years ago, back when all of them were a nobody.

A harsh sob escaped her throat, and she pressed her palm tightly to her mouth as if that might stem the tide of emotion that was churning within her. She tried her best to stop herself from crying. She did not want to cry but it was as if her body was possessed by the overwhelming emotion. With all of her might, she pushed herself to turn down her cries into muffled sobs.

All she ever wanted was for the pain to go away, to leave her alone. She wanted to feel nothing. If there was a switch somewhere in her body that could turn off all of her emotions, she would flip it with no hesitation. It was too painful and if it was not because of a voice, telling her that she was no longer in solitude, she would have cried until her eyes dried out.

“Is someone crying? Did you hear that?”

The female voice stopped her from breaking down right there in Mitch Hammer's backyard. Her gaze shot to her left, where the voice originally came from. She was sure there was no one outside when she had first come here. She gasped as she heard the rustle and nearly jumped when one head popped from the side of the house.

It was a guy. A handsome guy, she dared say. Under normal circumstances, she would duck her head and avert her gaze elsewhere. Having someone as good looking as him watching her with those intense dark eyes even for a brief moment made her feel uncomfortable yet she continued to stare. With the help of the street lamp, she recognized him a few seconds late. He was that guy every girl in her class had been whispering about. The rich bad boy who had never dated anyone longer than two weeks. He was the one and only Flynn Ascott. So many girls had their hearts broken because of him and right now, he stood there giving her his full, undivided attention.

At first, Kelsey expected to see pity or mockery in those dark eyes. She had cried and just like everyone else at the party, he probably knew the reason why. But it was neither. His stare was blank. No judgment nor emotion. He simply stared at her as if by locking his beautiful eyes with hers he could catch a glimpse of her soul.

“Flynn, what is it?” asked the female voice she had heard earlier. She vaguely remembered that voice but could not recall whom it belonged to.

Flynn said nothing, still locking his eyes on hers. The girl he was with seemed to find it odd and was about to turn around but he cupped her face, preventing her from doing so. “It is nothing,” he finally answered.

Kelsey watched him pull the girl to the side of the house, between the sidewall and wooden fences, out of her sight. Less than ten seconds later she heard the girl moan and felt a rush of something utterly foreign fill her lungs. It was air, she realized dumbly. She had not even realized that she had been holding her breath this whole time. Without a moment to spare, she quickly rose to the balls of her feet and left.

* * *

On the train home, Kelsey turned the airplane mode on, avoiding Bryson's many texts, and spent her time deleting the photos of her and Shane on her phone. Two years had never felt this long until you had all the moments in photographs. Their first date, first trip together, first birthdays, first picnic, first everything. They were each other's first and seeing all the photos of them made it even harder for her to believe that the last two hours had happened.

Her movement prompted as the tip of her finger hovered over the photo of Shane and Bryson that she had taken about a year ago. It made her wonder if they had had feelings for each other back then. Bry had commented on how hot Shane looked and how Kelsey was a lucky girl but at that time, she had not given much thought about it. He was her best friend for god's sake, they had talked about many things. Maybe that caused her to be biased and her bias had made her dumb enough not to realize all these red flags. No matter how hard it had been for her to delete her photos with Shane, it was much harder to delete Bryson's. They had been best friends for a long time, they had shared everything. Never had she imagined them sharing Shane.

When Bryson came out four years ago, she had been there for him. She had been the first person he had shared this secret with. When his parents, a religious couple, had kicked him out, she'd let him sneaked in through the window and slept in her room for three months until his parents took him in again. And when her father had turned his back on her, Bryson had been there for her.

Kelsey quickly turned off her phone and shoved it into the front pocket of her sweater. Tonight had been painful, she had shed too many tears and if she let herself cry more, she would wake up tomorrow with puffy eyes. She may have her heart broken today but there was no way she would go to school on Monday morning with tear stained eyes and looking like a pathetic ex girlfriend who could not face the truth. No, she shook her head vigorously. She would stand tall, hold her head high, and pretend that her heart was not breaking. She would be strong even if it killed her.

No more tears for those who betrayed her.

By the time she sneaked her way into her bedroom and tucked underneath her blanket, she found peace. Yet when she woke up the next morning and looked at her reflection in the mirror, it shocked her to see the tear-stained cheeks and her lashes stuck with each other.

Kelsey had cried in her sleep. It became clear that even when her mind knew it was time to let go, her heart did not.

“Seriously, Kelsey?!” She scolded herself in disbelief and stared at her reflection with an angry look on her face. “Get over it already. He clearly has.”

After taking a quick shower, she rushed to her bedroom and picked out her best clothes — which was not hard to do considering most of her clothes were the same. Still, she did not let that fact bring her down. Today she wanted to feel pretty. She knew everyone would expect her to look miserable, and that was the reason she would not give them the satisfaction. She chose to look good today. Not necessarily to show Shane what he had missed.

Kelsey sneaked out of her bedroom and into her parents’ bedroom. Her father, Jonathan, was still sleeping soundly on his bed, probably dreaming about the day her mother would walk through the front door and into his arms once again. Tiptoeing her way to her mother’s closet, she took her old makeup box then quickly raced back to her room.

“Okay. How hard can it be, anyway?” she whispered to herself before opening the makeup and put some on her face. Once she had finished getting ready, she hid the makeup box under her bed and headed outside. Since there was no Shane to pick her up in the morning, she walked to the nearest bus stop and waited for bus number nineteen to take her to school.

Whatever it was that awaited her at Northern High, she was ready. She had to be.