Letting go

Instead of heading back to the classroom, Amber changed direction and walked to the field with Emma who followed her without questioning her on what they were doing in the field.

“Amber?” Emma called when they got to the bleachers.

Amber sniffed back tears and wiped her nose with the back of her palm. “I’m sorry Emma. I’m sorry for making you go through this with me. I know it’s stupid but thank you anyway.” She sniffed again before sitting on one of the benches.

Emma came to sit beside her and said, “You don’t have to be sorry. I chose this. I just want to stay by your side and never let you go.”

Amber looked at her and laughed sadly through her nose as she blinked, “I wish that was coming from someone who loves me.”

“Well, I love you,” Emma said with seriousness and Amber looked at her for seconds before laughing out.

“What?” Emma asked with a smile.

“You are funny and for a moment, I took you seriously. I know you love me and I do too, but I was referring to a guy. You can’t marry me, can you?” Amber rolled her eyes in a funny way before wiping her face with her palms.

“But it hurts,” she suddenly said and Emma could feel how heartbroken her friend was.

“I know. It’s not easy to just deny your feelings back there,” Emma consoled her and she nodded her head slowly with her eyes shut.

“But I don’t think Kevin is the right person for you,” Emma added and when Amber moved her eyes to look at her, she quickly apologized, “I am sorry for saying that.”

“No, no, you don’t have to be sorry,” she said and sat up. “Actually, you are right.”

Emma raised a brow and asked, “Really? You believe what I said?”

Amber raised her shoulder and dropped it. “I don’t know but I also don’t think Kevin is the right person for me.” She exhaled deeply before looking at Emma as she turned her body to the side a bit.

“Emma?” she called.

“Hm?” Emma raised her eyes to look at her.

“I need to let my feelings out,” she said with seriousness and Emma nodded.

“I am listening.”

Amber took in a sigh and released her breath before speaking and Emma paid attention to what she was about to say.

“I’ve loved Kevin for five years now and we’ve never talked for up to five minutes whenever we had the chance. That was even before Mirabel started hating me. Every time I see him walking towards me or just looking at me, I feel some kind of pain in my chest. It’s like I am being scared or just too pained.” She placed a hand on her chest. “But now, I’ve decided to let those feelings go. I mean what I said back there and I do not regret it. I just can’t take it anymore. I guess I am done with him.”

Emma eyes didn’t leave Amber’s as she expressed her feelings and her hand moved from where she had placed them to hold Amber’s own.

“Do you remember when my father passed?” Amber suddenly asked as tears formed in her eyes.

How could she forget that day? It’s been two years that Amber’s father; Mr. Martin Willow, died and Emma had been present throughout the times that Amber and her mother; Mrs. Morgan willow, were still trying to accept the fact that he was gone.

“What about it?” Emma asked, rubbing the back of Amber’s hand.

“Kevin told me he would be present at the burial but I never saw him that day. When I asked him, he said he could not make it and he apologized to me. But that day, I never should have asked him the reason he said he couldn’t make it.”

Emma furrowed her brows at her words. “Why? What was the reason?”

“He told me—” Amber’s voice broke and a tear rolled down her face. She quickly wiped it away. “He told me he went out with Mirabel because she begged him to.”

Emma could feel the pain in her friend’s voice. She couldn’t blame her best friend for falling in love with someone like Kevin who didn’t care to hurt others feelings in order to please someone who is having control over his life. To her, she believes that Kevin is just a scared soul and he is not a person who is brave enough to speak for himself rather than speak for someone else. He is the kind of person who would let his feelings die inside of him and let the pain eat him up rather than let it out.

“I am so sorry about that. I know how you must have felt,” Emma said and rubbed the back of her palm with her thumb.

“It just dawned on me that I have been the one hurting myself. You see, I just don’t understand my feelings,” she scrunched her face a bit, trying to process her thoughts. “Whenever I think about Kevin, it’s not like the usual way. I-I just can’t seem to get it.” She ran her hand through her hair and had a look of confusion on her face.

“How do you feel? Just say it the way you seem to know it,” Emma urged her and Amber sighed.

To Amber, it felt like she was too scared to let go, knowing well that she has no other choice but then, whenever she thinks about letting go, she feels pained.

“It’s in my head,” she laughed sadly and scoffed. “Maybe Kevin is not the type of person I should date. Maybe I misunderstood my feelings for him. Maybe I just—loved him out of pity. Maybe my kind of feelings towards him is just to speak for him whenever Mirabel tries to take control over him. Just...maybe. But then, I do not know,” she held a sad face and stared at nothing in particular.

“I think it is fine,” Emma comforted her and Amber nodded.

There was silence between them as Emma stared ahead of her while Amber shut her eyes, letting go of those feelings she had held on to for a long time. When she finally opened her eyes, she felt as if the heavy weight on her chest had been lifted and she could finally be at ease.

Maybe Emma was right after all, thought Amber to herself as she recalled what she had earlier said to Mirabel.

Turning her head to look at her with a bright smile, she called, “Emma?”

Emma moved her head to look at her with a questioning look. “What?” she asked.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend? And give me an honest answer,” she tugged her arm and Emma lips slightly parted.

“Uh...well,” she started and cleared her throat, “I haven’t even thought about that. Boys don’t move me or maybe I am not just ready to mingle,” she squinted her eyes a little at the last word and her lips pulled up.

Amber pursed her lips and stared at Emma. “I really admire you. You know, I was thinking about it and now, I wish I were a boy.”

Emma brows pulled together and she asked, “Why?”

“So that we would be dating,” Amber replied and they both busted into laughter.

“You can’t be serious,” Emma said amidst the laugh.

“Oh yeah I am. Our bond is that strong that even a fireball won’t be able to break us apart.” Emma agreed with her and she smiled. “When I saw you for the first time, I was so drawn to you and when we started talking, it felt like we have known each other for years.”

“You can call that friendship fate or fated friendship, any one you want. By the way,” Amber turned to look at Emma with flushed face, “your face is all rosy. I think you look like a mess.”

Amber brought her hand to touch her cheeks and blinked at Emma with slightly opened mouth. “Really?” she asked and Emma laughed out when she saw the look on her face.

In the classroom, Mirabel stood at the window side and looked down at Amber and Emma who were at the field. All the years she has spent trying to get back at Amber had failed because the only thing she knew she could use against her was Kevin and she already condemned her feelings right in front of both her and Kevin.

When she turned her head to the side, she saw Kevin sitting and rubbing on the back of his hands, looking all pitiful and Mirabel felt like smacking the back of his head at that moment.

What can she use to get Amber’s attention again? She thought as she bit the inside of her lips.

Throughout the rest of the day, Amber avoided looking at Kevin and it looks like Mirabel also avoided her like a plague which was rather unusual.