Chapter 1

(Lily's POV)

After emptying my bowel, I flushed the closet and washed my tiny fingers under the warm water cascading down the sink. I sashayed out of the toilet to my towel rack and I grabbed one of the towels and wiped off the freckles of water that settled on my hand.

"I have to be fast with this packing," I mumbled beneath my breath when my hazel eyeballs drifted to the clothes piled on the bed. I threw the towel back onto its rack and darted to my king-sized bed.

I heaved a sigh of exhaustion as I continued to fold the tons of new clothes into my traveling bag. I used my salary to purchase all of them after resigning from my teaching job two weeks ago. 

After some minutes of packing, I bawled when I came across some crazy transparent patterns that were sewn inside three of the most expensive black gowns I had bought. 

It was their thick textures and the durabilities that had drawn them to me and I did not even think twice or check them thoroughly before I paid for them

"Why didn't I check them thoroughly when I was buying them? I should have opened my eyes," I whined as my fingers clenched into a fist. 

My heart capsized and I felt numb at the moment because I knew I could be disqualified if I wore these at the monastery. I decided to start my nun training three weeks ago and my application to undergo an aspirancy for two months has been accepted. 

I was looking forward to doing my best to qualify and become the nun I had desired to be but wearing these kinds of gowns would only deduct my points and my potential of being one.

I hopped on my bed with a heavy heart and I suspended the clothes over the traveling bag, pondering about what I could do to make them wearable and modest. Because, apart from the aspirancy, I could not just let three thousand dollars go to waste!

I tossed the gowns in fury to God knows where and I continued to fold and arrange the rest into the bag. After some minutes of hard work, streaks of sweat began to trickle down my soft cheeks and I switched on the air conditioner. 

Then, I decided to take a break and engage in what I love doing most in order to relax my brain. Funnily, reading books was one of the two things that would relax my head and the second one was slumber.

I sprinted to my reading table and clutched one of the books in my hands titled "Sisters: Catholic Nuns and the Making of America” by one of my favorite authors, John J. Fialka.

I fell in love with the book and I could not wait to finish it since I started. I opened the page I had stopped and I grew lost in my reading world when the ringing tone of my phone jolted me back into reality.

"Who could be calling me this late?" I thought as I dipped my hand into my jogger's pocket and I almost hissed when I removed it and discovered the call dialer was no one but Austin. I exhaled and dropped my phone on the table till it finished ringing. 

He called again and again and again and after seconds of hesitation, I resorted to picking up his call. I knew I was going to hear the same story all over again.

"Lily, please listen to me. I truly love you. I can not do without you. Please, reconsider me. I would never hurt you. It was never my intention in the first place," Austin lamented over the phone.

This was what he did every day. He would call me and then persuade me to accept him after what happened three years ago. I should have blocked him since that time but I just could not bring myself to do it. 

Somehow, I still felt for him a spark of love that always ignited in my heart whenever I saw his calls, but I would rather become a nun where I would be free from heartbreaks than believe in love again. Love is nothing but a hurtful feeling!

"You should understand this, Austin, I do not love you. Like, I have stopped loving you and our love ended the very day you chose to cheat on me with my best friend and I caught you," I fired at him but he was used to it. This was the same thing I used to respond to him.

"But mine has not ended, baby. It was not intentional and I still sink in rues for waiting for you to arrive that day. Zoe was the devil who drugged me into making out with her. I would never cheat on you. Trust me. I love you," he responded in a croaked voice. I guessed he was about to wail and it was hurting me a bit. 

I cursed the day I met Zoe, she was my best friend and she even disapproved of Austin when I first introduced him to her not knowing that she had been secretly hitting on him.

"Austin, I want you to start your love life afresh. I will be becoming a nun in two days and I want you to forget about me."

"What?! Since when have you been planning this, Lily? Please talk to me!"

I ignored his questions and proceeded to talk. "Austin, you should stop calling me. More so, Dad will be very mad at me if he figures out that you and I still talk. By the way, I am in the middle of something so I have to go now," I concluded as I rushed my words and struck the red button. 

I flung my phone on the soft bed and I couldn't help but feel a scintilla of depression. I truly loved Austin and the craziest part was that I still do, even if it was not as pronounced as it was then.

Suddenly, I began to recite my mantra. I recited it any time I felt that sadness creeping into my heart. 

"I refuse to be distracted. I refuse to be distracted," I uttered as I dropped the book and rose to my feet, and proceeded to fold the rest of the clothes.

After I was done packing my clothes and other necessities, I knew there was something left I had not added and after racking my brain, I remembered that it was my new books. Dad got those four books for me on my 24th birthday which was last month. 

They were books written about the nuns' lifestyles and I was so ecstatic when I laid my hands on them. I have not started to read them because I still have some other books to finish and I did not have much spare time.

I searched every nook and cranny of my room for these books but I found nothing. Then my mind flashed back to the day I had left them in my dad's private study and without wasting much time, I took my phone and headed to his study.

If only I had known…