Chapter 2

I'm always by myself.

At least, that's what it looks like to me.

Most of the time, people say that sadness is empty. Nothing but a total and complete absence of everything. They're wrong, though. Grief fills up. It's heavy as hell. It's not a hole you have to fill; it's a load you have to carry.

Something you need to bring with you everywhere. A burden that sometimes makes it feel like you can't even breathe.

It's hard to get enough air.

A constant reminder of what you won't have anymore in the future. How you used to imagine your life would be.

People who think things will get better. whoever said "time heals" was right. Everyone is lying. That's not true at all. All that happens is that you have to wait longer between times when you miss them. When you miss them again, it hurts to think about them.

It hurts worse than anything. Even so, I haven't been through one.

As soon as the pain of missing them goes away, guilt starts to set in. When you realize you haven't missed someone in a long time, you feel bad about it.

If you don't think about them for even a second in a whole day, you feel like a heartless monster. You haven't given them any thought at all.

This keeps happening again and again.

In my life, I've felt a lot of different kinds of pain, but grief is the worst.

I put the picture frame of my parents back on my desk and shake my head to stop thinking about them.

My childhood wasn't always perfect, but I know that my parents loved me and my siblings very much. Theirs just weren't long enough, which is a shame.

I hear "Boss" from behind me. When I straighten my suit jacket and turn around, Leo is standing in the doorway of my office.

Leo is my first friend and my best friend. Our parents were friends, and they only had a few months between them in age. Even though I was born a year before Leo, that's only about five months" Ardo talked to them and told them to meet him at the exchange point. " When he says this, I slowly nod my head and play with one of the cufflinks on my shirt.

"Is there anything wrong?" When I ask, he shakes his head.

"I work for no one." He talks back. "Before we moved forward with the deal, I just wanted to make sure with you."

As I reach into my pocket for a cigarette, I use my teeth to touch my bottom lip. "Get it done, and this time tell Ardo not to waste time."

He nods, moves the door frame out of the way, and walks away. I sigh and walk out of my office, down the hall, and into the kitchen, where Ava stops cooking right away to say hello.

She gives him a little nod and says, "Don."

"Ava." I tell her what I think and give her a small nod.

"Do you need anything?" She asks, and I say "no" by shaking my head. She gives a small smile and keeps cooking as I watch.

When I open the patio doors, I can hear paws tapping on the concrete floor and something that sounds like a mix of a bark and a growl. I'll soon be able to see the big dog, so I'll just stay still and watch him run toward me.

Dal is a Cane Corso that I saved about two years ago. Well, I say I "saved" him, but really I just went in there and took him, whether they let me or not.

Amelia, my sister, begged me to let her name him, and I finally gave in. I didn't know that she was going to give my new guard dog a god damn number.

Still, it seems like a good name for him. But I don't think he had much of a choice.

"Ciao ragazzo." I give his head a quick pat and say hello.

[in English: "hello boy"]

His fur is very dark, and the people who had him before cut off his ears. They were going to start using him to fight illegally, but I got there in time to stop that from happening.

Leo and I went to see a guy about a late payment, but I ended up getting a lot more than I thought I would. But Dal is a great addition to the family, and he and the other dogs get along well.

When I brought him home for the first time, he was mean and didn't want to be around other people. He seems to have made a lot of progress after a lot of training with the best pros.

I have eight guard dogs in total. Dal is the only Cane Corso. Zeus is the oldest dog in the pack. He is a Rottweiler. Hydra is the only girl and is a Bullmastiff. Dobermans are Ares and Wolf, and German Shepherds are Ranger, Kevlar, and Tank.

The safety and security of my home and way of life are very important to me, so having those eight dogs roam the property every hour of the day helps with my men.

Dal runs back to the backyard and then goes behind the house. I put my cigarette in my mouth and reach into my pocket for a lighter. I put the cigarette between my lips and lit it.

There is a light breeze and the air is cool and crisp today. I've lived in New York my whole life, and I love it. I just wish this time of year wasn't so cold.

January 2 is the second day of the new year. This is another day for me to make a lot of money, make even more money, and make deals with the right people.

As the oldest of three kids, my dad always taught me everything I would need to know to take over when the time came. I had a lot of respect for him and admired how hard he worked and how, just by walking into a room, everyone would stop talking.

He has always had a lot of power and authority, and when I was a teenager, I wanted to be like him one day.

My parents were good people who knew where their loyalties lay with everyone they knew. People liked them, especially my dad and a group of other mafia bosses who worked with him.

Since I became Don five years ago, I've made sure to use everything I've learned over the years in my work and how I run my business.

I'm fair and nice, but I don't give people second chances very often. Not everyone deserves them, and those who do don't always get them.

The only people I trust are my brother, my sister, and Leo.

Amelia is only nineteen years old, so she doesn't always know when to shut up. I can't tell her everything about every deal I make because of this. But I know I can count on her if I need to tell her something important or ask her to do something.

Francisco, my brother is only a year younger than me. He can be a loose cannon at times, but I have so much faith in him and know that at the end of the day, he'll always make the right choices. Even though he doesn't always do things the right way, he gets what we want in the end.

People have said that I don't care about other people and that I'm mean. But either of those things would probably be too much to say about me, but I don't think I'm too far off.

After everything I've seen and been through, I'd like to think I have every right to be cold and heartless if I want to.

I have the right to say that because I was a mafia boss at age 21 and saw something so terrible. I can do that because I really want to get back at them.

When I turned around, I saw two of my men walking toward me as they were doing a patrol of the area. How can I find Francisco? I ask.

They both look at each other, and then they turn and look at me. "Don, I think he's probably still in New Jersey." One of them replies.

I tell him, "Have him call me." "There's stuff to talk about."