Laynie I listen to everything Dr. Toring is telling us later on the next day. We are all set to go home and are getting instructions on how to care for ourselves privately. We both have express orders not to strain ourselves too much and to make sure we take our pain medication as needed. Jared is hunched over tying his shoes that his best friend Alan brought over. He is having a hard time bending over from the bed, but Alan makes no move to help him. I think he understands that Jared needs to do certain things himself, to not make him feel like he is dependent on us. Alan and Anna were our best friends in high school and college. When we moved to New York we continued to stay close, but I can tell Alan tried harder than Jared did.When Alan called Jared's phone last night, I knew I had to let him know what was going on. Jared was in a lot of pain, even though he wouldn't say. So, me and nurse Candice had a silent conversation, and five minutes later she came in the room with his pa
LaynieOnce we got home and Jared settled on the couch, I walk over to the kitchen to start dinner. Partly because Jared and Alan should be hungry, and partly because I really need to keep busy. Being back here where this whole thing transpired, has enraged me with mixed emotions. When we first walked in the door I noticed all the blood was cleaned up and the furniture arranged back to where it belonged. It feels good to be here and not be belittled or beaten for any little thing but at the same time I'm walking on eggshells. What if the real him comes back in the middle of the night? What if he just turns into him mechanically again? What if he is just being truly genuine to me? I burry myself in making curry and rice.One thing I wanted more than anything in the world was to one day have my own restaurant. I have my culinary arts certificate and was a sous chef when we were back in Minneapolis. Jared had his contracting license and a job working with a buddy's father. we were doing w
JaredThe darkness is trying to come out. It was never like this with Laynie before. It just clarifies my previous thoughts on something happening this past year. Of course, now I know what that was. I put my hands on my girlfriend. On my wife. I used to kick guy's asses in high school if they even talked shit about their girlfriends. Now I'm one of those pricks. No, I'm worse. I cannot believe I have ever put my hands on her. When the detectives told me about her previous injuries, I knew. I just knew I had done something wrong. I may not remember but I could feel the darkness trying to escape. It feels stronger than it used to. When me and Laynie started dating in high school it almost vanished. I knew it was still there but it was never present around her. When my mother finally passed from her illness, I thought it would try to come out. I know I needed a release of some kind to escape the pain of the loss I had, but Laynie was there for me the whole time making the darkness onl
LaynieI take my time in the shower feeling hesitant about my upcoming talk with my husband. Jared scared me earlier to the point where I went into my safe space. Whenever Jared got drunk and wanted to fight with me, that was where I went. The first time was an accident. He had shoved me in the kitchen when I refused to remake a dish that was completely fine. I fell into the little space between the refrigerator and the pantry doors. The space couldn't have been more than a foot wide but when Jared saw that I was trapped in there he left me alone. From that point on whenever he would get violent in a drunken state I would hide in there. It killed my back each time and I usually got scratches when trying to come out but it was better than the alternative. Way better. Once the water gets too cold for my body, I leave the bathroom and go back into the bedroom. I put on my comfy pajamas of gray flannel sweats and a black tank. I stopped wearing night gowns when Jared told me that I was
JaredI was never a man of faith. My father instilled on me at a young age, that if I wasn't going to be successful and powerful on my own, then I wasn't welcome in his home. So, praying to God every night wasn't allowed. When me and Laynie started getting serious her sophomore year of college, she asked me to go to church with her on Christmas Eve. It was a tradition that her and her father did ever year. It was awkward for me, but I dealt with it because I wanted to be with her and I knew this was important to her. I never told her, but I didn't enjoy the festivities like she did. I guess my father had more to do with my upbringing than I give him credit for.I drop to my knees, and for the first time in my life, give a silent prayer to God that Laynie can forgive me. I know without a doubt that I did that to her. I burry my head in my hands and fist my hair. What the hell have I done to her? I'm getting sick and tired of asking myself that question. I'm getting sick of feeling sic
JaredI wake with a start falling to the ground. Fuck that hurts. I blink slowly and wonder where I am and why I'm not in the hospital, when yesterday comes rushing back to me. I slowly get up and sit on the couch rubbing my tired eyes. I Look around for a clock of some type to see what time it is when I hear a scream. That's what woke me up. I run down the hall to the bedroom and open the door. I envision the worst possible scenario when I hear the scream again. What if those punks escaped and are coming after us again? I still don't know why they attacked us in the first place.What I see puts me in a content yet panicked state. Laynie is having a nightmare. No one is here to hurt her. Except me. Something tells me I'm the reason behind the nightmare. I walk over to the side of the bed and stare at her. She seems to be stuck in some kind of painful dream and I'm not sure what to do. What if she is dreaming of me hurting her, and then goes into shock when I wake her? What if she scr
LaynieI keep looking at the bedroom door.I know Jared went in there to get away. We have thrown a lot on him and it isn't fair. He must feel terrible and confused and frustrated to say the least. I keep checking the hallway to see if Jared has come through, but nothing. I can't believe Anna told him all that. I was going to talk to him today about everything and I knew we would shed tears, hug, get angry, it would be an all-day conversation. Anna in her usual fashion, got it done in about 3 minutes."Look, all I'm saying, is that is their business not ours Banana." Alan says to Anna interrupting my thoughts."I know it is Alan, but my best friend has been depressed for twelve months and I want to know why." She says turning back to me.She glances at me, Alan glances at her, I glance at the hallway. Come on Jared, don't leave me out here alone. Jared appears at the end of the hall like I conjured him, and looks right at me. His stare is almost possessive. He puts his hand up and w
JaredWe are doing this. I decided in the shower that Laynie is my soul mate. I could cry and bitch all I want about what I put her through, or, I could do something about it. I hate myself for what I put her through but I know she won't give up on me. I can see it. She cares for me more than I deserve which is why I know when we do eventually talk, and I learn what I have put this woman through, that she still won't let me go. So, I'm going to make it my mission to make her happy. I won't let the darkness come through, because I am going to track down the reason it came out in the first place, and make this shadow of a nightmare leave me alone once and for all. I'll go to counseling if I must. I have a good feeling I know where it came from and what it was caused by. With a gentle hand, I lead my wife to the kitchen that smells of freshly brewed coffee and breakfast. My stomach growls loudly and Laynie lets out a little giggle. Fuck, if I could bottle that laugh up I would. We all si