VIII. Indulge In Madness

It was Ferdinand’s stern yet inquiring face and David’s tight hug Farrah saw when she finally regained her consciousness. When she remembered what had happened before she fainted, she couldn’t help but to gasp.

“Awake? Are you okay? Can you tell me what happened to you?” Ferdinand fired a lot of questions at once, not caring whether Farrah heard his words clearly. 

“... Dad,” she called out, devoid of strength. 

“Yes?” her father immediately responded, holding her hand.

His eyes seem to look inside of her head, trying to see what she was thinking. Farrah suddenly didn’t have any idea whether to tell him what she had discovered, or keep it to herself until she have enough evidence to prove that her conjectures were true.

Looking at her father, she knew there’s huge possibility that her father would just brush her words off and deny it, probably saying it’s nothing but a part of her dream and she probably fainted because of exhaustion.

Yes. Keep it a secret first.

“... I’m fine, j-just exhausted.” She smiled, but it’s more like a grimace than a genuine smile. 

Ferdinand saw it, and felt weird—but since she said so, he didn’t entertain the idea that there’s more into it.

“You scared us. Specially DaeDae. He kept crying until he fell asleep.” The older man said, looking at David with gentleness Farrah often see when her father would hug her when she was a kid.

Farrah followed his eyes and saw her son asleep. Looking at his swollen eyes, something sharp stabbed Farrah in her heart. Poor kid.

Farrah heaved a sigh, kissing her son’s forehead and looking at the ceiling.

“Dad, can I ask you a question?” Better prepare him, so when he discovers what lunacy Farrah was thinking, it wouldn’t be that much of a shock.

Ferdinand looked at her, “Of course. Ask, then after that, eat breakfast.” 

Ferdinand did not go to the lab and took his job at the house. For now, he’s a home-based worker, not only because he was taking care of David but also because the Laboratory is not ready yet.

“Dad, what if... what if Dior’s still alive?” Farrah tried not to let her emotions get a hold of her, lest her father discover something—but her throat suddenly tightened, sore.

She saw Ferdinand stiffening, and couldn’t help but to also froze.

He discovered nothing, right? 

Instead of answering her, Ferdinand exhaled. Seconds passed before he finally opened his mouth. “... Did you dream of him alive? Is that why you’re asking me this?” 

There’s something in his voice that her father seems to be suppressed. As if he wanted to scold her, but he wanted to patiently answer as much as possible.

Dream? How easy it would be if it’s really just a dream...

“... No. I’m just thinking...”

“If he’s alive,” He cut her off with a gentle voice. There’s a bit of hoarseness in his baritone voice, but still pleasant and kind to Farrah’s ears. “I’m sure he would’ve gotten home by now. He’s the type of man who wouldn’t be able to endure not having his family by his side.”

Ferdinand remembered back when Farrah and Dior just got together. How brave the young man was when he confronted him, proclaiming his love for his daughter. Dior was a typical man with six desires and seven emotions. He wasn’t shy when openly confessed that he loves and desires Farrah in more ways than one. From her feet to her head, from her mind to her heart—he wanted her.

He was a great man, and Ferdinand treated him as his own son. 

It’s a pity that God likes to take good people early.

Looking at her daughter, Ferdinand felt a stabbing pain in his chest. He felt that as the time progressed, Farrah was also changing, not for the better but for worse.

She wasn't as jolly as she was before. Her smile that seems to contain brilliant stars dimmed, no longer having its light. 

He felt it would probably take time, a lot of time, to bring those back. To bring back the old Farrah back.

Ferdinand wished she would soon heal, that time would stitch her wounds back, because David needed her.

He saw Farrah getting more focused on her job. It's her way of coping and rarely had a good time with her son. 

He couldn't help but to get worried. As if she really hasn't got up from the quicksand of Dior's death, instead of lifting herself, she's flailing around to get herself to sink. 

She may grieve and mourn, she may remember her deceased husband, but the way she's doing it was wrong. 

There's no way Ferdinand would watch her jump into the abyss by her own doings. 

“Fae.” He called, his voice mellow.

Farrah turned towards him, with her eyes filled with emotions he couldn't understand. 

His Adam's apple bobbed as he struggled to free the words from his mouth, his heart beating fast, as if wanting to jump out of his chest.

“Do you... Perhaps... want to go for some therapy?”

He saw how Farrah's lips trembled, her body stiffening. “Therapy?” She croaked. 

“Yes. Therapy. Just to help you—”

“I'm coping better than you think, Dad. As much as I appreciate your suggestion, I think I don't need any help from a therapist at all. I'm doing great.” She defended, ending the conversation right there and then.

Ferdinand no longer argued. He just nodded. “Forget it. Let's have breakfast. I'm going to prepare the table. Wake DaeDae up.”

Then he left.

As soon as his figure disappeared, Farrah exhaled. Slowly moving around as she avoided waking up DaeDae, she left the bed and immediately searched for her phone. 

Later, at 12 midnight, she'll be able to find out whether what she heard was true or nothing but a hoax created by her imagination to fool her. 

Farrah felt her hope being rekindled. Her lips ticked upwards as a small smile appeared on her face.  

Dior might be alive. There's a possibility he wasn't dead.

There's a possibility that he hasn't abandoned her and their child at all. 

She smiled, walking towards David, she whispered. “Baby, your dad might be alive. Let's hope for the best, okay?”

A kiss on David's cheek sealed her words. 

Everything seized a turn in Farrah's life trajectory, and she wasn't willing to let go of this chance fate has given her.

It was as if she found a minor source of light in an endless darkness; an oasis in a never-ending desert. 

Eden quickly noticed that there's something wrong with Farrah.

Sometimes, the latter would smile. Her face literally shines when she does. Then few minutes after that, she would frown as if all her hope and joys dashed away.

Her myriad of expressions amused the former so much that she snorted.

“What's with that expression of yours. Are you actually the one dating between the two of us? You look like some young maiden deliberating whether she should confess her feelings; thinking of a romantic future but then realized it would not probably come true. Confess, are you dating too?” 

Farrah shot her a glare. “Me? Dating? Do you hear what you're saying, Eden? As in me? Hell no.” She was so eager to defend herself, making it funnier for Eden.

“I know. I'm just playing with you. You're the most loyal person I've ever met. You probably wouldn't get married the second time in your life, again.”

Dior was the only person holding the key to Farrah's heart. That, she knew. 

“I'm just curious. Why are your expressions so lovely today? Did something happen?”

“Nothing. It's just Dae.”

Farrah lied without batting her eyelid, unconsciously shifting her eyes away from her best friend. She can't tell Eden about yesterday, because the woman will probably think she had gone crazy.

“Ah, if it's David, then it's valid. Your boy's literally the cutest kid in the world.” Eden exhaled. With a dreamy look in her eyes, she added: “Wouldn't be better for me to have my kid? So David can have playmates?”

“Why not do it? If you're serious about your relationship, and your partner's also serious about you—maybe you should indeed start your own family.” 

Eden was a person close to Farrah's heart. She was kind, always looking out for the people she cherishes, but also frank and straightforward, never polite with the people she dislikes.

Aside from working here in the hospital, she's also the one taking care of her only relative—her grandma, who's already 78 years old. Because her parents died when she was just seventeen, it was her grandma who worked her old bones just to raise her and give her the greatest living condition Eden could have.

In Farrah's memory, Eden's grandma was boisterous, humourous and optimistic old woman. It's just that because she's getting old, she often gets ill and it suppressed her lively personality.

She's the person who gave Eden her personality.

“I don't know. Maybe I'm not ready yet. Perhaps I'm scared.” Eden smiled reluctantly. She didn't need to say more.

They're in the middle of an apocalypse. They didn't even know if they're going to live the next day, or whether there's a future waiting for them. Everyone wasn't sure of their own future, so they didn't dare.

Farrah and Dior dared to have David because they're sure they can protect him, but what about Eden? What about those people who barely survive with the help of the government?

“It doesn't matter,” Farrah consoled.

“Having children or not, let fate do its work. For now, cultivate your relationship with your boyfriend.”

“Umn. As for my boyfriend, I'm certain he's head over heels for me. He even block Cherry because I made a fuss.” A genuine smile finally appeared on Eden's face. Seeing it, it relieved Farrah.

“That's good to hear. You found a jackpot this time.”

“D*mn right.”

Aside from Dr. Cherry making offending comments from time to time, there's not much event today. Just some usual work, like healing mercenary members or doing paperwork.

When it's time to go home, Farrah couldn't help the excitement and nervousness. Her blood boiled and heart was erratic. Her escort would look at her from time to time, perplexed by her abundance of lively expressions.

In his mind, he's probably questioning what kind of mental struggle Farrah was going through. 

Farrah waited, looking tightly at the clock, praying to whoever God listening to her right now.

When the clock strikes at 12, no calls arrive. Farrah wasn't disappointed and patiently waited. She also opened the recording function, planning to let her father hear it.

Minutes passed. 1...2...3...4... 10 minutes flew away quickly, and the long awaited call finally arrived.

The moment her phone buzzed, she hastily picked up the phone, literally screaming. “Dior! Is this you? Are you alive?”

Silence from the other line answered her, as if mocking her just rekindled hope. Yet as if the God heard her prayer moments ago, Farrah heard both familiar and unfamiliar groan from the other side.

“Urgh...”

Farrah almost squealed in happiness, but she controlled herself. Suppressing the inner joy, she cleared her sore throat as her eyes burned hot.

“Dior, will you call my name?” She murmured, softly, gently.

No response, just some rustling sounds in the background.

Farrah wasn't impatient. Now that she's almost certain Dior was alive, she's no longer as irrational as before. She waited, and like a song to her ear, she heard the person on the other line say.

“𝘍-𝘍𝘢𝘦...”

Tears finally fell. As if someone opened the faucet of her eyes, Farrah wept.

The soldier not far away: ??? 

The call ended, and the soldier was also near her at this moment.

“Are you okay, Madam? Is there any problem?” Asked the concerned soldier.

Farrah shook her head with a genuine smile. “No problem. It's tears of joy. Don't worry.” 

Though weirded out, the soldier didn't ask anymore. Since Farrah didn't want to explain, it's not his business anymore. His job was to only escort her home, not to chitchat with her about her own matters.

There's a bounce on her step as she made her way home. When she arrived, she said thank you to the unfortunate soldier who escorted her back.

They expressed polite remarks and parted ways. 

When she entered the house, she saw her father focused on his computer, probably still working. The door of Farrah's room was open, and there was David, sleeping deeply.

“Dad, I'm home.” Farrah greeted with a big smile. 

“Oh, welcome home. Want to eat dinner?” Ferdinand asked after giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Farrah quickly refused, for she had eaten with Eden just hours ago. At this moment, dinner was the least she wanted to talk about.

“Dad, I have something to tell you.” Brimming with a smile, she held her father's hand under Ferdinand's perplexed gaze.

“What is it? A surprise? Is it bad, or good?” 

“Of course, good!” It was the greatest news they could ever receive.

“Spill it, then. No need to dally.”

Farrah nodded, exhaling a deep breath.

“Dad, Dior is alive!” Farrah couldn't oppress the excitement and happiness bursting in her whole body. She couldn't help but to tremble. She expected her father to do the same, but all she received was a blank stare and a deep sigh.

Ferdinand took his hand back, turning away from Farrah. “You're just sleep-deprived. Sleep, and you'll be sober tomorrow.”

Farrah's eyebrow furrowed while her fist clenched. “I’m not sleepwalking, Dad. I’m telling the truth. There's an evidence!”

“Oh, pray tell. What’s the evidence you’re speaking of?” 

Farrah didn’t speak and just opened the audio recording. At first, Ferdinand’s face was blank, but as the second pass by, shock and incredulity replaced his expression. It’s obvious he couldn’t accept it so easily.

“He’s alive, Dad. Dior's there, he’s waiting for us to save him! He must be in a grave situation, seeing that he can’t come back even if he was alive. Maybe he was hurt, but he’s still alive. He needs our help!”

“It’s impossible!” Ferdinand argued. 

“Why is it impossible? Anything can happen, Dad!” 

Zombie apocalypse, it’s nothing but fictitious event before—but it still happened. That’s why, for Farrah, nothing is impossible. Added with the evidence, she’s certain that Dior was alive, and there’s something stopping him from coming home to that place.

He needs help, and Farrah was the only one who can fulfill it.

Ferdinand looked as if the heaven and earth has turned upside down. His expression complicated. Glancing at Farrah, he drawled. “Please tell me, you’re not planning to do what I’m thinking you’re going to do...”

There’s pleading in his voice, yet Farrah mercilessly denied his wishes. “It’s exactly what you’re thinking, Dad. I’m going to do it.”

𝘐’𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘰𝘳. 

It was this time that Ferdinand finally lost his calm. “STOP THIS MADNESS, FAE! YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T!”

Going there? It’s nothing but courting death! 

Farrah understood her father’s worries, but she can’t follow his words this time. “Dad, I’ve already decided! I’m going to search for Di—”

“STOP BEING SELFISH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT? SENDING YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN DOOM, ARE YOU CRAZY?” He roared, eyes bulging as it turn red.

Farrah unconsciously stepped back, lips trembling. Farrah was about to speak when they both heard the cries of DaeDae.

The daughter and father pair shared a look before Farrah entered the room.

“Baby, don’t cry~” she coaxed, directly lifting her son and hugging him. David smelled her familiar smell and snuggled his head into the crook of her neck. 

She danced lightly, humming a soft lullaby to coax the toddler back to sleep. When she came back outside, she saw her father leaning on his chair with eyes closed.

“Stop this madness, Fae. You can’t just go there and risk your life...”

Farrah smiled helplessly, leaning against the wall as she said.

“If I don’t indulge in this madness, then who will? Dad, who will?” 

𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭?  

She was the only person who can do this, because Dior had no family aside from her, David and her father. He had no one but Farrah, so she’s the only one who can save him.

She’s his only hope. 

“Don’t stop me anymore, Dad. I’ve already decided. Call me selfish, but I won’t budge. Give me time, Dad. Three months. I’ll bring him back. If I didn’t get back within three months...” It only means she’s dead.