The week went by so fast that I wasn’t too sure where to start, but I saw my doctor on Tuesday and it seems like it’ll take about three weeks for my insurance to approve the change of medication. All I could do is wait for a call from the pharmacy when it would be available and with the tutoring from Lucas helped me passed the quiz that the professor surprised us with on Wednesday. Lucas began to refuse payment for the sessions now and I felt like I needed to find something to pay for his help. When Friday arrived, I didn’t bother Elliot too much about coming to the meeting and I went straight home afterwards since I have plans to go over to Elliot’s new apartment the next day. He’s been focused on us that I want to do the same as well during my stay at his new apartment and for today I want to stop throwing my problems on him. I should stop bringing up these issues that I’ve been going through not wanting to worry him during our time apart and I feel like I owe him so much after all
I made my way to the bus stop once I was ready and I knew it'd be a bit of a long ride so I distracted myself with some music. Staring out the window I saw the sky still shining and checked the map on the phone to look for the closest market near Elliot’s apartment. There was a market three blocks over and I would need to go to his apartment first to leave my stuff; which still leaves me an hour and a half before he’s out of class. When I was in the market I looked around trying to make sure I bought all the ingredients that were necessary for what I wanted to make and I frowned when I stepped outside. The rain that my mom mentioned wasn’t just a light rain, but a heavy pour, and last I heard it wasn’t supposed to rain for another three days. I shivered when the breeze hit my face and I pulled my hoodie to cover the top of my head as I started making my way back to the apartment. A short three-block felt so long and it was like the rained heavier the closer I made it back to the shelt
Elliot stared down at me, his expression stiffened at my response before he moved my hands away and pulled off his shirt. He tossed his shirt to the side as he leaned forward kissing me and it felt like he was being gentle with each peek like he's willing to withdraw at any point if I asked him. I can feel that pounding sensation against his chest when I placed my hand on his chest letting my fingers linger and the unsure feeling returned. Where did that confidence disappear? I said that I wanted to do this and yet I’m pulling back again. Elliot saw my hesitation when I began to pull my hand away and reached out grabbing my wrist placing my hand right at the middle of his chest.“Can you feel that?” He asked me.I was curious at his question before noticing that I’m feeling his heart and its racing. That pounding feeling that I felt wasn't from me but from him. “Are you scared?”He smiled as he continued on kissing me and nodded, “Terrified. You're scared that I wouldn’t want you anym
“I want to… with you,”I was about to raise his shirt up when he reached out to grab my arm to stop me, “We don’t have to-”“I love you… and I want to do this with you because you feel the same way.” I said, staring into his eyes and I wanted him to know how I felt. “You’ve made me feel safer than I’ve ever felt in years. I know you won’t hurt me.”Elliot stared down at me, his expression stiffened at my response before he moved my hands away and began to pull off his shirt. He tossed his shirt to the side while he leaned forward to kiss me, and it felt like he was being gentle with each peek. The way he kissed me was as if his lips barely touched mine and it was as if he was willing to withdraw at any point if I asked him. I could feel that pounding sensation against his chest when I placed my hand on him letting my fingers linger, wanting to feel him, and so suddenly without thought, there was that uncertain feeling returning to me. Where did that confidence disappear? I said that I
Elliot seemed to get the hint and I could see the dimples on his cheek as he smiles down at me. He’s been putting in the effort so that I wouldn’t have to be reminded of the first time I’ve had sex and become overwhelmed with fear. Having to be reminded of that painful feeling jolting through my body and feeling like I was only there for their own needs. I took a deep breath as I tried to shake off that anxious feeling that was creeping up on me and looked at Elliot while I could feel his hands spreading my legs apart. I kept my eyes on him wanting a distraction and seeing in his expression that he was being cautious. It honestly didn’t hurt so much after Elliot paused to let me take a breath and I can feel him inside me.“If you don’t like it, tell me, okay?” He whispers.I nodded, wanting to show that I was comfortable, and placed my hand over his chest. I want to feel his heart pounding like mine and remind myself that we are each other first. It's not like I’m overwriting my past,
I looked at my phone to check the time and I was a couple of minutes late walking back to campus. I came early to meet with Luis and we went out to eat at one of the restaurants across campus. It’s Friday and the week went by slow after I left Elliot’s apartment and I’m thinking of going over tonight if I have time. Lucas invited me to a play that is being held on campus, that Andre and Genevieve will be performing, and I promised Lucas that I’ll meet him at five, but I was distracted talking with Luis. I saw Lucas walking over to the main building where we agreed to meet after I told him where I was and he smiled waving at me.“Michael!” He shouted in glee. “It’s great that you text me or I wouldn’t have found you. I thought about waiting at the bus stop since you didn’t have classes today.”“Sorry,” I said, walking over towards him. “I was distracted hanging out with a friend that I haven’t see for a while.”“That’s fine. Now, come on,” Lucas said, grabbing my hand and starting to
I held the camera in my hand feeling uncertain about what I should do when the lights started to dim down and they began the second act of the play. Lucas nudged me when they started and I raised the camera trying to take pictures, but I wasn’t sure if I was doing this right. I feel shy not wanting people to look over at me while I’m doing this, but when I glanced around everyone was watching the play and that helped calm me down. Glancing at the stage, I could see Andre performing so I took this chance to take pictures of him while he was performing and it felt like I was capturing every scene until I realized that the play finally came to an end.“You got into it in the end,” Lucas said after I took the last picture.I looked down at the camera and shrugged my shoulders not realizing that Lucas was watching me. “I just tried. Don’t the campus have their own photographer?” I asked him.“No, not right now. The person who was in charge of it transferred out and it was all a surprise be
I entered the apartment, turning on the light that was near the entrance, and set my things on the couch. It felt a bit cold being alone and I turned on the television wanting there to be some sound to occupy the empty place. Glancing around, the last time I was here was when I spent the night last weekend and we haven’t really talked so much about what we did. It did hurt me a bit, emotionally and physically, but overall it wasn’t a terrible experience since we were able to take things slow. My face felt warm as I remembered the moments when Elliot reassured me multiple times and how the feel of him was far more exhilarating. I went over to the kitchen to grab something to drink and noticed that there were some dishes left in the sink. To occupy my time, I washed the dishes then looked around trying to see what else I can do, but Elliot usually likes to keep his belongings organized compared to me and I don’t want to move anything that might upset him. I thought about the play and th