I continued eating until my plate was empty and we spent the rest of the night watching anything that was on television and I got another serving after a while realizing that I was a little more hungry then I thought. At nine, my mom decided to go to bed and I went to bed a little past ten, finally able to go to sleep after an hour of laying in bed. By morning we got ready to head out of the house after having breakfast and it seemed like the only psychiatrist that was available was at the local hospital and it made me nervous just thinking that we still had to go to the hospital in the end. My mom had to do a few paperwork while we waited and gave them our insurance information before they could call me in.
I was trying to not be nervous because it’s not my first time meeting a psychiatrist, but it was still unnerving, and played with the rubber band on my wrist hoping the fidgeting can help calm my nerves. It might have taken us almost an hour just waiting to be calle
My dad didn't see me the rest of the day late at night when he saw my face and assumed that I had gotten myself in a fight so I wasn’t allowed out for a few weeks. He didn't ask how or why I had the bruises aside from his assumption, but I couldn't even bring myself to explain what happened if he did ask. I spent the weekend in my room feeling as if I was hiding myself away and I tried to call Caesar, but he wouldn’t answer my call and Chris only messaged me trying to apologize about his behavior. I wasn’t too sure how genuine his apologizing is and how much of it I can accept at this point. By Monday, I was walking to school when I saw Caesar reaching the front gate and I took a deep breath hoping that he would listen to my apology or hope that he wasn’t too angry as well.“I’m sorry,” I said, walking over towards him.“You didn’t even fucking defend me.” He said once he saw me.“I was scared and
Weeks passed by, I was laying in bed reaching for my phone after hearing ringing five minutes ago and I saw that I received a message; I hardly get one unless it’s from my dad or it can be Chris checking to see what I was doing. Our conversation never lasts long after a few text messages between each other and the only reason Chris bothers to text me now is because we have summer school together; no surprise we have the same class. It seemed like we were both failing in math, but he was spending more time with me to help him pass the class, and being home more was the only thing that could relax me. I didn’t mind summer school until I walked into the classroom to see Chris sitting there and I felt myself catch my breath feeling like I had no choice but to sit beside him like the day we first met. Chris’s friends weren’t in the class, which made me feel at ease since the bullying, but I still remembered them coming after me during the end of the school year. There were times
My mom had to stop by the front desk again before we could leave and I thought about everything that we talked about during our session. I thought about all that Dr. Brown said and I wondered about the word ‘high functioning anxiety’ and her explanation of the possible suicidal tendencies. We went to the pharmacy as my mom put in the order for the medication prescription and I walked around the store trying to distract myself while we waited. I came across a large three-section notebook and I reached out to grab it to take it with me. After some time, we finally left the store and while we sat in the car my mom was looking over the new medication that was prescribed: Benzodiazepines.“I don’t think I’ve heard of this word before…” she mumbled.I reached for my phone and googled the medicine. “It says it's to relax and ease chronic anxiety disorder… Side effects can be dizziness, headaches, and nausea.” I rea
Elliot stayed for another hour after dinner as we sat in the living room with my mom as he told her about his volleyball game that’s coming up and the plan for the hang-out on Saturday. For a second, I could see the concern on her face as we talked about our plans and I had to reassure her. I feel like I’ve been using that excuse far too often that I’m not sure she’ll believe it anymore but she was more at ease knowing that Elliot will be there and I’m honestly fine if my mom has more trust with Elliot compared to me at this point. I’ve felt a bit more at ease with how I’ve been feeling and I’m trying not to be worried about anything else that could set me back.“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning,” Elliot said as I walked him to his car.“Let’s buy breakfast and pick up Luis on our way to school,” I suggested.Elliot raised an eyebrow, “You want to?”I nod, &ld
During the rest of the class period, the teacher had everyone group together to work on the project so I just sat with Jennifer and Karen while they worked together while I was on my own trying to catch up on the two-day missing work assignments. Elliot only stopped by when Jennifer had a question since he’s the student-aid and stuck around for a bit longer until he was called to another table. I watched him for a second before going back to my work and once class was over it felt like I was caught up with my assignments before turning in the work. Elliot had to stay behind so I went ahead to my next class and the rest of that period was a lot quieter because we were doing a lot of reading questionnaires as we prepared for a quiz on Friday. By lunch, I waited for Elliot at the usual spot by the library and we walked together to get in line; where we also ran into Brian. We all made our way to the table and I looked over at my meal as I still wasn’t so hungry after our br
Elliot grabbed his backpack before we started making our way outside and accidentally surprised the librarian as she was about to enter her office by the front desk when she spotted us. We left the empty parking lot, seeing that we left the school a lot later than planned, and I walked into my house after he dropped me off. My mom was already home cooking dinner, I guess she was serious when she said that she was going to change her work hours, and while she was busy I finished the rest of my homework for my other classes. We sat together once dinner was ready, spending the rest of the night talking about school and how everything was going before leaving my room to prepare myself to go to bed.I was using the notebook to mark every time I took my medicine, and I continued the same routine the next day, but I was by myself waiting for my mom to pick me up since Elliot’s game is at another school today. Saturday arrived, I was sitting in the living room writing on the no
The restaurant was a bit crowded when we arrived so we had to wait to be called once a table was available and we did have a large group, but it took almost fifteen minutes for us to sit at a long table. The menu had a variety of platters to choose from and we each took turns ordering after some time as we looked over the menu. I slowly reached a hand to grab Elliot’s from under the table seeing everyone was distracted and slightly moved my chair a little closer to him as he gave me a small smile.“Okay, you guys, I say we have a bonfire next time we hand out,” Fernando said, calling everyone's attention.“That would be awesome! We can all go swimming, toast some marshmallows, and sit by the ocean.” Jennifer said, smiling at the idea.I’ve never gone to a bonfire, I wanted to say, but there were still many things that I’ve never done before like today for example.“We have to go early to make sure we have a
By morning, I was ready by the time Elliot came by to pick me up and we stopped to grab drinks before going to school. Elliot got himself an iced coffee while I got orange juice, our usual drinks, it was comforting being able to start our day like this. The entire ride to school, I pulled out my notebook as I pick a few of the pages reading them to Elliot and it’s been slightly embarrassing having to read out loud to him about the things that I have been thinking or feeling, but at the same time, he has always been understanding about the challenges I go through. This is the third time that I’ve read to him and I’m still debating on reading it to my mom, but I haven’t had the courage to and we sat in the car as I finished reading. I can see Elliot watching me after he parked and was cuddling his drink as he listened.“Can you read about Saturday?” he asked me.I glanced at him before looking away, “Right now?” I asked.