Grief

There are supposed to be five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I guess, my mind, heart, and soul didn't want to follow the pattern. First, I did my best to keep it together, and not to fall apart during the flight, yet it had nothing to do with denial. I was well aware of everything that was unavoidable to happen, including the fact that my emotions were doomed to burst out tearing my heart apart. It would happen sooner or later, but for now, I became emotionless… and infected by insomnia. I was unable to close my eyes through the entire fifteen hour flight. I drank coffee and water, but I couldn't swallow anything.

The second I stepped out of the plane I started to feel dizzy. It was almost like there was not enough oxygen in the air I was breathing. I took my luggage and walked out the airport. I was losing strength, I felt like I was going to collapse any second. I was aware that sleeping in “our” apartment w