“What…? How did you…”
“Aya saw you two in the garden restaurant,” Hiro cut it short, “Do you want to say something to me? After I clearly told you not to see him?!” he burst out.
His gaze was terrifying. His eyes were filled with anger, his fists were clenched like he was preparing to hit someone. I became afraid of him.
“It wasn't on purpose! It was hard to avoid him once he clearly saw me… Melisa wasn't around, and all he knows is that I'm a writer and a have a boyfriend…” I tried explaining feverishly.
“Ana… are you an idiot?” he hissed, “He looked for you for a reason, and that wasn't because you are pretty, or that he started to like you! You should have rejected him, and not go anywhere with him!”
I stood before him like a defendant standing in front of the grand jury… I never thought that I would be interrogated by him… no
There are supposed to be five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I guess, my mind, heart, and soul didn't want to follow the pattern. First, I did my best to keep it together, and not to fall apart during the flight, yet it had nothing to do with denial. I was well aware of everything that was unavoidable to happen, including the fact that my emotions were doomed to burst out tearing my heart apart. It would happen sooner or later, but for now, I became emotionless… and infected by insomnia. I was unable to close my eyes through the entire fifteen hour flight. I drank coffee and water, but I couldn't swallow anything.The second I stepped out of the plane I started to feel dizzy. It was almost like there was not enough oxygen in the air I was breathing. I took my luggage and walked out the airport. I was losing strength, I felt like I was going to collapse any second. I was aware that sleeping in “our” apartment w
It had been three weeks since I broke up with Hiro. I was getting more sleep, and nightmares no longer accompanied me every single night. I could say that moving into a new apartment help with that last part a lot…Thanks to Simon, I was now living in a beautiful corner apartment right above the Luna café. It wasn't as modern as the one in the building owned by Hiro, but it seemed to be made for the creative minds. Parts of it resembled Simon's apartment, especially the brick walls and wooden elements, but it was much brighter. The light colored walls contrasted with the ebony beams that connected the brick parts of the construction. It was cozy and there even was an old fireplace in the salon, creating a perfect place for a couple to have a romantic evening… Only I didn't use that part since I was in a state, where avoiding anything that was about romance and love was crucial for my mental health.My book needed only finishing touches before the p
There were around 10 contacts saved in my phone. Except for my insurance company, bank, and my phone operator there was Ellen's, Peter's, Simon's… and Kaisei's phone number. That short list proved that my life was far from being normal, and any psychotherapist would announce me as antisocial type. Somehow, I was fine with it.I caught myself that I started to think more often about Kaisei than reminiscing my relationship with Hiro. I wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not, but I enjoyed the thought that someone worked hard to increase my self-esteem instead of constantly lowering it. That was the main difference between Hiro and Kaisei.I was the one seeking contact with Hiro and praying that he would answer, or reply. When he didn't I was getting depressed and often started thinking that I was greedy, clingy, and didn't deserve his attention.Kaisei was completely different. Each day, as soon as I woke up I found new text from him. He wished me a beaut
I left Kaisei without an answer. I was terrified of making a mistake and ending up entrusting someone, and giving him my heart just so he could step on it and crush it. I wanted to move forward, break free from Hiro's curse, but at the same time Kaisei was Hiro's cousin… I was doomed to be entangled in this mess again one way or another.“Ana… you don't have to give your heart and soul to the guy on the first date! You can have sex without giving your heart away, have you even thought about it?! Stop acting like a pure little girl and grow up!” I scolded myself, trying to make my actions more rational and less emotional.But, seriously, what could I do? My heart was a mess, my emotions were flowing from one extreme to the other, and now, Kaisei moved some string inside my body, making me tremble each time I was thinking about love and romance. I should be going through the recovery process, the one without unnecessary heart fluttering! I was d
Ellen patted me on the shoulder, then passed me by, and entered the stage. The spotlight illuminated her face, she smiled to the audience.“Ladies and gentlemen, today Aurelius Book Publishing is releasing a book written by our newest author, Anastasia Kowalsky. This story has it all, there is a thriller, mystery, drama, and romance. It can easily pull you into the story, it can capture your heart, and let it melt. I'm sure that it will be loved by both, our regular readers, and the critics. Let us welcome our author on the stage. Give a round of applause for Anastasia Kowalsky…” she called me over with a gesture.“Good luck,” Kaisei whispered straight into my ear.I walked onto the stage wondering if my foundation was able to cover the redness on my feverish cheeks that flared up while hearing Kaisei's voice. I smiled turning to the audience. Only at that moment I could see that there were no empty seats out there... I gulped.
After I got back to the banquet hall I hadn't seen Melisa, she must have left after hearing my words. I became nervous every time I thought about meeting Hiro that way as well. What made my mind at ease was the thought that he wouldn't bother seeing me again. He was the one that let me go… he had no reason to suddenly trying to find me.I kept scolding myself for feeling guilty, how could I call my actions cheating? We were no longer together, I had no obligations to him, I could do whatever I wanted to… Yet no matter how unreasonable my heart was, I kept lacking closure. Maybe, I would have been better if Hiro got mad after I told him it was over. His anger would have been so much better than that emotionless state he was in when I walked out the door…“Ana… it's time to state the facts! Anger would have meant that he had feelings for you… He was cold because HE DIDN'T CARE!” my rational thoughts were more than cruel.
I somehow managed to finish eating despite meeting Kaisei's overpowering gaze. I felt feverish to the point I was using my hand as a fan whenever he wasn't looking, but I guess he noticed anyway…“How about… I will pour you another glass of wine and we will take a walk outside around my garden?” he snickered.“Great idea!” I agreed immediately, hoping that fresh air would help me cool off.We walked outside through the sliding balcony door. All parts of the garden were highlighted, creating a romantic atmosphere. Kaisei led me through the brightly illuminated hedge alleys holding my hand the entire time.“It's beautiful here,” I looked around, amazed.“You're the one beautiful…” he whispered leaning over my ear.“Did you really just used a cheap line like this?” I chuckled, teasing him.“It cannot be helped,” he grinned, “I really think
It had been three days since I spend the night with Kaisei. I kept thinking of his confession and everything he said about his feelings… I began feeling guilty that my heart wasn't moved by his words. I couldn't feel any butterflies, I didn't shiver at the sound of his name. I simply… enjoyed him.“God… I'm turning into a cold bitch!” I whined hiding my face in the pillow.I was partially glad that Kaisei had to go back to Tokyo for a while, it gave me some time to put my emotions in order, but those few days didn't change anything at all. I only became more and more flustered, yet I felt that my heart was empty. I blamed Hiro for making me so broken that every time I tried filling my soul with any kind of sensation, it hurriedly drift away. The more I thought about it, the more I was certain that the only deep emotions within me were anger and despair. Each time I smiled, I felt something fake about my mimic muscles stretching…