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Followers 18
18The house lookedrestored with the new screen, locked window, and cleaned mess. The house even felt normal with Kendra and the kids back within its walls. Their energy filled the looming vacancy Sidney had felt the night she interrupted the break-in and the morning that followed when Jordan escorted her back to her ransacked room. Yet below Sidney’s casual smile, as she sat on the couch beside Kendra and listened to their children play through the hallway, her heart and mind were at odds. Her brain reasoned that the danger had passed and life was back to normal, yet her heart could not relax in her chest. Her anxiety, warranted or not, nibbled at the edge of her brain in the quiet moments between her and Kendra’s words. Donning fluffy pajama pants, Kendra folded her legs beneath her as she piled her curls on the top of her head. She loosely gathered the tresses before winding a rubber band around them. When she released her hands, the strands fanned out like the pointed leav
Followers 19
19The days bledinto weeks, gradually eroding Sidney’s anxiety. Each uneventful day that passed lulled that nagging, chewing sensation at the back of her brain. Every time the morning broke and nothing happened, it became easier to inhale against the weight crushing down on her chest. Complacency unraveled over her like a familiar blanket. The sound of her attacker’s steps ripping across the gravel trail faded back into her memory to be replaced by the chorus of promotion videos on the screens at work. The footprint on her couch cushion was replaced by the curve of her constant seat as she jammed away at her laptop. She stopped dreaming of finding tiny, blue baby booties on her pillow and started dosing off as she composed new articles in her mind until the darkness swallowed her into sleep.Adam: Good morning, beautiful.The same message greeted her every morning. She fixated on the idea of meeting up with Adam again.“Divorced Wives Club tonight?” Kendra asked her as she
Followers 20
20Just go home.They had been told to just go home. Sidney and Aiden had told the same story and answered the same questions, described their son on repeat. They had texted the most recent photos to the officers as the AMBER alerts began chirping on their phones describing their own boy. They had watched the coach, beset by officers and questions of his own. They had filled out the missing person report, tears threatening to blind Sidney as she scribbled. Now they were supposed to let them do their jobs, let them send out a BOLO and set up checkpoints, let them question the others from baseball practice. And just go home.The words had not made sense when the officer said them to Sidney and Aiden. Sidney stared at him dumbfounded, knowing he was saying words but unable to discern what they meant. They held no meaning at a time like this. They sounded like instructions to do nothing, but she could not do nothing. When she did nothing, she only inventoried all the awful things
Followers 21
21Fear devoured thefollowing days. Long after the police questions, paranoia reached its tendrils up through Sidney’s thoughts. Exhaustion condensed her mind, reducing its capacity and allowing twisted perceptions to blossom in neglect. Everything seemed hard. Everything became a threat. “Mom,” Cameron whined, “I can’t miss practice tonight. I can’t keep missing practice.” He stomped down the hallway after her, half dressed for school.“Baby, your daddy can’t be there tonight, and I’ll be at work,” Sidney said. “You know we have to be there now, after what happened.”“You guys don’t have to be there. I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll never go with someone again, I promise.” Cameron slammed his feet with each syllable.Sidney stopped walking. She planted her hands on her hips before turning and leveling her face with her son’s. “Baby,” she said in a heavy and slow tone, “you got taken. Someone took you. Horrible, horrible things could have happened to you.”“I know, Mommy,”
Followers 22
22“Mom, I don’twant to change schools!” Cameron shouted deeply, projecting his voice from his belly in an attempt to sound like his father. In his rage, he nearly succeeded. Sidney leaned against the counter bordered with colorful paper pencils, massaging her forehead. She flinched at the similarity and at how his voice carried through his school office. She leaned down to shush him, quelling her desperation.“I know, Cam, baby,” Sidney said. “But it’s the only way we can be safe.”“We’re already moving! Why isn’t that enough?” Fat tears spilled from his eyes to dribble down his angry cheeks.Sidney reached out toward him, to calm him, to quiet him, to comfort him. He retreated away from her, growing in his anger and stomping hard. He pulled back until his heels butted into the thick, large wooden chest that served as the lost and found, sleeves and legs of abandoned clothes reaching out desperately for their neglectful owners.“I wish it was enough, baby.” The guilt thic
Followers 23
23“Sidney, honey,”Brady said from across his apartment, “he’s here.”Sidney went to sit up from the couch but found herself so heavy. Her muscles trembled weakly, depleted at the thought of moving her own weight. Her head itself seemed to be packed with lead. Or that was the heaping exhaustion from not sleeping for more than an hour straight in a couple weeks.Sleep felt like betraying Kendra, but waking up felt even more sinister.Sidney heard the two sets of footsteps move toward her over the hard floors and wrenched herself upright. Adam smiled at her—gently, cautiously—as he followed Brady. Sidney’s hands swept over the face and hair she had not washed in days. Her cheeks felt tender from the endless flood of tears. She did not even know if she had brought a brush to Brady and Jordan’s apartment.“I told you I didn’t want you to come,” she said, her voice like gravel in her own mouth.“Then why did you give me the address?” Adam joked softly.“Because I knew you would
Followers 24
24The new housewas too quiet, as if the boxes lining the room absorbed the sound and sucked up the air around Sidney. She felt like she could not breathe so alone, in such oppressive silence. Sidney stood uneasy inside the front door, shoes squeaking on the tile under her, fingers fidgeting in her keys. She did not know how to be alone in this new place, herplace. She could not stand how loud it all seemed in silence. Cameron and Savannah not giggling as they ran through the hallways chasing each other.Kendra not in the kitchen pouring a glass of wine and talking about her ex-husband.No one. Nothing. Just unfamiliar rooms filled with Sidney’s possessions hastily crammed into wilted boxes.When Brady and Jordan ran out of enthusiasm for moving furniture and even free pizza could not rekindle them, Sidney had told them she would be fine. When she kissed Adam goodbye in the departure drop-off lane at the airport, she had told him she would be fine. She was not fine. N
Followers 25
25“Mommy!”Cameron hollered as Sidney opened the front door. “Cam, baby.” Sidney dropped to one knee so that she could swallow her son in a hug.With Cameron pressed into her chest, Sidney closed her eyes and took the first real breath she had in days. When she exhaled, her shoulders finally lowered. She melted into him, and when he went to release her, she clung to him an extra second longer. The house around them instantly felt smaller, less cavernous and vacant.“Hey, Sidney,” Aiden said as he stepped in behind Cameron.“Hi, Aiden.” Sidney finally released Cameron, her fingertips still lingering on his shoulders. “Thanks for bringing Cam over.”Aiden awkwardly stuffed his hands in his pockets and moved his eyes around the living room. “It looks good in here,” he said. “You’ve already unpacked a lot.”“I couldn’t really sleep.”Aiden nodded but did not step further into the house.“Cam, buddy, I’m going to put your bag right here,” Aiden leaned the backpack against th
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