December 31st, 2012
Morning
I don’t think I’ve woken up so gently in quite some time. The wind is howling, whipping around the house like it will just pick us up and carry us off at any second. Now I know how Dorothy felt. Maybe I’ll get some nice new shoes like she did. Though, come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind waking up in some faraway land. A land where the neighbours don’t know me as Damon’s kid and I don’t have to spend each work day staring at him and just wishing I could throw my arms around him in the hallway or kiss his cheek in passing. I suppose I could. I just don’t think that I could handle the talk of it all. If there’s one thing this village is good at, it’s talking.
We’d slept in separate beds again. Mainly because we weren’t sure what time Chloe would get in. And if I’m honest, I’m not quite sure how I am going to survive the nights with her here. It would all be a great
December 31st. 2012 About Midnight I wonder if Tami and James will notice I’m gone. They seemed well plastered. Tami, at least. James has never been a crazy drinker. Knows his limit. I wish I did. I lost count of tequila shots about half-way into the night, which is never a good thing. I think the one I had for good measure on my way out was a bit too much. My stomach is churning. I very well might vomit on my shoes. It certainly would warm me up a bit. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m not dressed for the walk home. Still, I’m not far now. I can do it. I’m sure of it. I was a competitive swimmer, once upon a time. Can’t get fitter than that. I thought New Year’s Eve would be fun. Bit of a joke, that thought. I should have known two drinks in that all I’d be able to think about was how Damon’s probably at home happily shagging his wife and thinking about how great it is to finally
He’s stopped walking. Wrapped his arms around my waist. Headlights are lighting up the street corner around the bend. I suppose he doesn’t want to look like he’s taking a woman hostage on New Year’s Eve. “Surely daddy would have told you not to get yourself into any compromising positions after the last time…” He has that look in his eye that says I’m going to kiss you now, though warns me not to resist. But to be completely honest, I think I’m about to be sick and I would rather keep my life than spray him in the face. So, I struggle. Smack at his shoulder. The street is awfully bright now. I can see that bruise so clearly, I wish I hadn’t. “I’m going to-” “Sasha!” Again, that slam of a car door. And he pulls back just like he did last week, only he doesn’t tell me to be quiet. He stares at me with a fury I don’t think I’ve ever seen alight in his eyes. And footsteps pound the pavement. Bertrand releases me a little too quickly. I stumble a bit. Land on the
January 1st, 2013 Morning Damon I woke without an alarm just past seven in the morning. A little late, at least for me. I read through the news quietly, I know I would win this morning. The French only burned eleven hundred cars this New Year’s—Sasha hates the French. She would probably mention the five hundred odd people injured by fireworks in the typically rowdy Pilipino New Year’s celebrations. The car fires, I think, are the perfect balance between humour and tragedy. Though, she would hate me making light of any tragic news. In any case, that is the whole point of the game. That and to have something to inject into small talk all day. She stirs beside me, though I’m not hopeful she’ll wake. She’s stirred many times. She will roll over with a grunt and fall back asleep. So, I look. And there’s no harm in it. She fell asleep in my arms in the bathtub after what could have been half an hour of si
I stand quietly. Her legs wrap around my sides. Walk us into the bedroom I wish we could just call ours. Kick the door shut. Like anyone will intrude. Milo won’t. I think he’s dead. That scruffy stray. I hope he isn’t. For Sasha’s sake. In any case, I drop her down on the bed as gently as I can. She’s still got my clothes on from last night. Hair fastened at the nape of her neck. And it takes me a moment to decide what to do. I’ve got so many things I want to. But I kiss her gently. Push her shirt up over her shoulders and throw it somewhere to my left. I don’t think we’ll have much use of it. And the feeling of her fingers up in my hair and the taste of the skin all on her stomach is enough to send me over the edge. I want to cut off her clothes with a pair of kitchen scissors and just have my way with her. And I just want her to take me by the scruff of my neck and use me at her discretion. Still, my heart goes into a frenzy at the sight of her. Pink, swollen and w
January 2nd, 2013 Morning Sasha “Joel’s been asking about you.” Tami seems to have mastered the art of swinging on her newly broken chair. Of course, she would find a way to. “It’s bonkers, I’ve got Brett’s cock in my mouth and he’s talking about how his mate asks about another double date once a day.” The chair slips. She squares her hands on the table. Close call. “Excellent. Not happening.” I don’t look up. I’m well behind on paperwork. I know she’d be giving me that pathetic look, anyway. “He’s a nice bloke, Sasha.” “He tried to kill me.” At least, that’s what Damon said. “You need to get out there,” Finally, I look up. She has that pathetic look, just as I predicted. And it finally dawns on me. This whole time, she was just trying to fix me up with someone who wasn’t Bertrand. Does she really think I’m so wounded and desperate to run back to an emaciated predator? Him and wha
The guide glances over. A strange look on her face. She places a hand on my shoulder. Wants to take me outside. Where their best ones are, I’m guessing. “A couple of the younger ones are just outside; would you like to meet a few?” “Maybe later,” I shrug off her hand as politely as I can. I’m walking over before I can consider how best to not startle her. The girl doesn’t look up. I have a thing for strays. Not that this child is one. Souls who may need a little extra love. Perhaps because I know I do. “Hey…” I sit. Stiffly. My knees aren’t what they used to be. Not after years of service. I should have worn a pair of older jeans if I was going to be sat Indian style. Hindsight, I suppose. Always sharper. She looks up. Bright blue eyes. Almond shaped. Hooded. Doesn’t say a word. “Why don’t you go play?” “I’m waiting for James.” She has that huffy kid voice about her. Looks me up and down with a small frown. Stares straight back out the window. “James isn’t co
January 3rd, 2013 Almost midnight “Are you awake?” I hardly catch it. The sound of rustling sheets fills the room. Finally, I roll over. Damon has his palms squared on the edge of my bed; face lit by the streetlight coming through my unbarred bedroom window. He’s still got on his clothes from the day. But he speaks in whispers. “What are you doing?” I’m not dressed for this. I wasn’t expecting him. An old, stained pair of tracksuit pants. A baggy tee-shirt I’m almost sure was his, once upon a time. “Where’s Chloe?” “Punishing me for not letting her rearrange the living room by spending the night at her apartment,” I’m sure I feel my heart skip a beat, in the most naïve, virginal way it could. Ironically enough. This is good. I can work with this. I’m confident that in about five minutes I can have his trousers around his ankles and his cock up inside of me. Brilliant. “Why on earth are you j
January 4th, 2013 Morning I haven’t spoken to James since he was last at mine. I feel badly about that. I suppose he was right in wishing I would fight with Tami more; I’m starting to see how much she dominates my social sphere. Obsessed with her, I would be. There’s probably no nicer way to put it. I mean, she represents all I wanted to be in high school. That thin, cool blonde with all those friends and an incredibly profane Myspace. Sometime between middle of the day vodka and consoling new widows collecting their partners effects, I graduated from that snotty child who scolded her father for not understanding out secret base was invisible. I do feel that a reconciliation would ground me, if only slightly. I’m afraid I’ve got no real family. A sexual partner masquerading in my father’s room. A dead mum in a waterlogged coffin. But I’ve got a brother, out there somewhere. Stomping around in his leather jacket. Brooding f