"Ooof!"My body hits the ground hard as I try to stop the ball. I miss and immediately pop back up to my feet, ready to attempt another block.I'm being peppered on all sides by balls during practice to keep my reflexes strong. It's effective, but damn, if it doesn't hurt after a while."Ooofffff!"I miss the block as Daniel bends the ball, making it sail right past me."Shit!" I yell and pound the grass with my hand before popping right back up again."Get your head in the game, Santos!" Coach yells from across the field.I wanna tell him I can't. That something doesn't feel right about this anymore, but I don't even know why that is anyway, so I shake my body out and get in position again.This time Rowen goes for the kick and the ball flies toward me. I know it's going to curve as soon as it gets close to me, and it does exactly that. I launch my body across the field and the ball glides right past my fingers."Fuck!" I yell as I hit the ground."Time!" Coach yells. "Hit the showers
The kids are down for a nap and I have a chance to sit for the first time in hours. The older they get, the more active they are. Especially Lina. Not for the first time, I wish we had a back yard and a swing set for the kids. They've been begging to go to the park all day, but no way. They would probably be fine if I just bundled them up, but I would never get over the chill.Victoria, my friend from the marriage conference, crosses my mind. I haven't talked to her in a few weeks.Picking up my phone, I dial her number and wait."Hello?" she answers, interrupting the third ring."Hey, Victoria. It's Mariana.""Hey girl!" She sounds excited to hear from me, making me smile. Sometimes I forget how little adult interaction I get. It helps having Marcus live next door, but he has a job and a life, too. "How's it going in your neck of the woods?""Surprisingly, not terrible. How's it going over there?" I settle back into the couch, putting my feet on the coffee table."Eh. It's fine. It co
After ten years of playing professional soccer and fifteen years of my life before that, I thought cleaning out my locker would be hard. I thought it would be full of nostalgia and memories. Of course, I also thought it would be complete with pomp and circumstance from younger players congratulating me on my retirement and a career well done.Instead, it was just me, myself, and I tossing out old deodorant, notebooks of plays that have long since been revised, and team-owned gear to be disinfected and passed on to the next guy.It's an extremely underwhelming send-off, but it's right this way. Soccer had been my obsession for the majority of my life, but somewhere along the way, it had become my downfall. For that reason alone, I don't need it to be celebrated.Just like an alcoholic doesn't have a big drinking party to celebrate sobriety, I don't want a big party celebrating my attempts at rearranging my routines and patterns.To say my coach had been shocked by my immediate resignati
"I'm actually surprised to see you," Justin announces, as he closes his office door and we make ourselves comfortable on the couches.His office is pretty much how I pictured it: homey couch, a couple of chairs, bookshelf full of reference material. The only thing that kind of surprises me is that the chairs are recliners, but I can see how that would put some people at ease. It is a therapist's office after all."I know Santos said you were going to come in, but it's not that often that I see both the ex-husband and the ex-wife."I smile at him. I only met him a few minutes ago, but so far, I like him. He's handsome in a guy-next-door way. He's got a kind face and is dressed in jeans. It's more like I'm talking to a friend than to a therapist. No wonder Santos likes him."I figured Santos and I have to co-parent for the next seventeen years, so we might as well use the same person and stay on the same page for the kids. I mean, that's okay, right?" The thought crosses my mind that may
"Wait." I rub my temples as I try to make sense of it all. "You're saying Santos cheated on me for all those years because he might have a medical condition that exacerbates his stupid superstitions?""In a very basic nutshell, yes."I stare at him, mouth open. I want to hear what Justin is saying and having it all make sense… make it all this easy. Instead, it makes me mad. "I call bullshit.""Why?""Why?" I laugh, humorlessly. "Because we were married for ten years. He could have easily come home and gotten his 'medical condition,"' I sarcastically use air quotes, "… under control with me. But he didn't. He chose to go out and bang any groupie who was willing to spread her legs for him. No way. He made a choice. Every time.""I agree with you.""Good. Because there is no way I'm accepting that as an excuse." "I'm not asking you to. And I'm not making excuses for him. Regardless of how difficult the situation was, he had choices and he knew what he was doing."I nod and feel my anger
Applications. Essays. Transcripts. I am up to my eyeballs in paperwork.I lean back in the chair and stretch my arms over my head, pretending not to notice Mari watching my shirt ride up showing a bit of my abs. I cover my smile by leaning my head back and stretching some more. It's a good feeling, knowing she's still attracted to me.As the front legs of the chair land back on the ground, I start watching what the kids are doing. Really watching. I know they've been playing together, but I was so lost in the spider web of online applications that I wasn't really paying attention to their game."What are they actually doing?" I ask Mari. She's sitting next to me at the table on her own laptop, some of her pictures on the screen.Without even looking up at them, she knows exactly what they're doing. "Playing the world's worst game of hide and seek."I focus my attention on the kids again and she's right. It is, in fact, the world's worst version of this game. I watch as Lina hides her e
I'm immediately on guard, wondering what has her so upset. Mari, however, stays calm. "Theo pooped mom! He pooped! And it stinks! You need to change him," she demands."Why don't you change him?" she teases back.Myra crinkles up her little nose in disgust. "Ew, Mom. I don't know how to change a diaper.""Hmm. Maybe it's time you learned how," Mari suggests."Mooom. Come on," Myra pleads, the previous topic no longer up for discussion."I'll go," I say, rising to my feet. "If I don't get away from this computer for a little bit, I just may launch it across the room.""Thank you. He poops so much, my nose can no longer tell the difference between the smell of poop and baby wipes.""He got his constitution from his daddy!" I pat my belly and give her a big ornery grin."Yes, he does. Also, I can't believe you just said that, weirdo. His diapers should be in the diaper holder next to the bed. If it's empty, check under his crib."I walk by the girls' room and see Theo standing with his ha
"Babe, I don't know which brand we decided to get. Was it Pampers or…" As soon as she sees us, Tiffany stops in her tracks next to Rowen. He reaches for her and tucks her under his arm as she looks at us, wide-eyed.None of speak. We all just stand there, looking at each other. I put my arm around Mari's waist. I don't know if I do it in a show of possession or to show her my support. What I do know is that this is one of the reasons I quit the team. Scenarios like this. My mistakes are putting Mari in an extremely uncomfortable position and I'm not sure what to do. So I wait.Eventually, Mari takes a big breath and speaks. "Pampers Swaddlers are really good when they're first born. Do you guys have a Sam's Club membership?""Um… no," Tiffany sputters quietly."I would recommend getting one. Diapers are a lot cheaper there, and if it's a boy, the only diapers that hold Theo overnight is the Sam's Club brand.""Oh. Okay.""So how far along are you?" Mari asks, surprising all of us whe