I pinned myself with the wall, my head
becoming heavy. I knew the truth because it was I who did this. But never before did I feel like a culprit. When Irtaza spoke the truth, those words felt terrible and I sensed myself to be the worst girl in this world. I couldn't speak though I tried to force myself."Tell me, Zoya. I'm not wrong, right?", he walked towards me and came closer, so much that I could never imagine him to be. But I was out of courage to drive him away.
He showed me a mirror.
Abbu used to say, "we know what mistakes we have done. But we take them lightly. But when someone else shows us what we did, we become cowards to see the truth"
"Say it, Zoya. Didn't you?", his face was hell close to mine but I didn't dare to move. I was facing myself. The mirror which showed what I was and what I did. "There's no point of lying because I got to know everything about you and your so-called acts. Now, I'll just go and tell the
Zoya I was standing numb there, unable to figure out what to say or what to do. His complaint-filled eyes staring at me, his eyes glistening to roll down the teardrops he was holding back. He was broken! My breathing got faster and I strived to take a step towards him. "Ab—", before I could even call him, he turned around and walked straight out of the room. "Abrar!" I clamored but he didn't look back, just left the big bouquet filled with red roses on the floor. My eyes froze on them for a while. I just ran and went on my knees, collecting them. Thorns pinched my skin but I didn't care. Those were the first roses he had ever brought for me. I could hear my clamor. I was crying my heart out while hugging the bouquet. When I couldn't move or do anything, my heart screamed out to go after him. I couldn't let him go. I would bring him back, I would bring my love back. No matter what. Forcing my legs to get up, I rushed out without was
ZoyaEvery word coming out of his mouth was hurting me and pinching me like hell. He couldn't do this and I would not let him. I gulped down and tried to cry, holding the knob tightly."It's not your heart that's asking me to leave. Is it? I know you can't live without me. The way I can't. Please don't hurt yourself for me", I pressed my forehead against the door and cried out again.I had no explanation, no justification to give him for whatever I did. I was his culprit and all I could do was to plead to him."Please Abrar. I'm begging you. Talk to me once", I sobbed.He was silent again and I kept ranting and crying. The next moment, my body slid down and I gathered myself against the door. I want to be closer to him as much as possible. That was the only distance that made me feel he was there."Don't cry", his words came harsh but filled with concern and love. While whimpering I couldn't help smiling and brushing off the tears."I
AbrarWhy was she always trying to hurt me? First betraying me, then doing something I could never tolerate. She cried a lot. It literally forced me to go to her and console her in my arms. She knew that I couldn't tolerate this. Still, she was hurting me more with her tears.Each word that came out of her mouth, pierced my heart. The confession I wanted was no more special to me.Yes, my heartbeat fastened when she confessed her love for me. But she cried like this on the streets that night. I trusted her, she looked real. When she said that fake story, she seemed to be real.She was such a good actor which haunted me.Should I trust her again?Could I?Did she really love me or did she only want her truth to be safe again?My love for her still existed and would always exist, but my trust in her—I couldn't trust her anymore.I was sitting beside the bed on the floor, my head pinned on the bed as I stared
ZoyaMy eyes ached when I opened them and rolled them around. My breathing got faster when I found myself in the room. I clearly remembered that I was outside. It meant he brought me here?My lips curved into a smile, though the agony was still killing me. My back, my stomach, my hands, and legs, whole body ached as I tried to get up and look at the couch to find him.He was not there.My eyes drifted to the clock. It was still too early. He didn't wake up so early. I jumped off the bed and walked out of the room.My legs stopped near the table when I spotted him sleeping in the living room. He slept here, leaving me inside. He still maintained the distance I didn't want anymore. I felt happy when I woke up, but now sadness surrounded me again."Stop being selfish again, Zoya", I screamed at myself. "It's not about you now. It's about him. Stop victimizing yourself"I pushed my legs to walk near the couch where he was fa
Abrar"Abrar, have you lost it? I don't think you're in your senses", dadi was continuously screaming at me when I was stuffing my mouth with dry bread, sitting at the dining table.I was swallowing them in a rage as if I was gulping down the agony."I'm talking to you", dadi yelled again from the living room.Zoya had been packing her stuff in the room. It had been more than twenty minutes. It never took her so long to pack stuff. She might be trying to make a delay. Or she was hoping for me to change the decision.I could not."Okay, she might be at a fault. But this is not the way to solve issues", she said again.But I didn't want to solve that.Issues could be solved.Not conspiracy.I wished I could say that to dadi.I wished I never loved her. I wished she were not a girl.I would easily tell the truth to everyone. But her dignity meant a lot to me."I want some time. Mayb
Zoya It took me a while to absorb the fact that I had to leave him. We had to part ways. But as far as I knew it was going to hurt, I also knew that I would never let my first love go so easily. I believed he would forgive me, he would realize my love for him, he would give me another chance. And that was the only thing which handled me. I had the hope. I came out of the room with my bag and didn't find him. Dadi was standing near the table. She looked devastated. "Dadi!", I tried to smile. "It's your home. He can't just force you to leave. Don't give in", she said in a harsh voice. I wanted to tell her everything that I didn't have any rights on this home and anything that belonged to him. I wanted to confess what I had done and he was not at fault. But his anger-filled words didn't let me do it. I already offended him enough and he would lose it if I told my truth to anyone. He was making me fall in love with him, even more,
Zoya"Will you please speak up? Your silence is giving me panic attacks, Zoya", ammi kept yelling when I was sitting on the couch, darting my eyes on the ceiling. I was in no mood to talk about anything but it was literally a disorder of Indian moms to panic when they see their married daughter with luggage!Well, not because of the luggage.But when they also see the silence and calmness."Can't I come to my home, ammi?", I gasped, closing my eyes. "What's wrong?""You can. You definitely can. And you can stay for months and years! But definitely not in this condition. What happened last night? Will you tell me? Why did you and Abrar leave the party abruptly?"No doubt I had inherited the qualities of my mother. I wanted some time to speak up but she was not giving me the damn space which I was not giving to Abrar either."Ammi, I need some rest", I pulled myself from the couch. My head was still aching because of the continuous cryi
ZoyaAfter taking a bath, I came in front of the mirror and looked at myself, finding another woman hidden behind the grief.We usually fall in love with unexpected people at an unexpected time.I thought this was a myth. Humans can have control over their emotions. They can decide whom they want to love.I was wrong.If I hadn't loved him, it didn't hurt so much.I would feel guilty, but I would never be heartbroken.I tried to apply some talcum powder to look better and combed my hair. It took me back to the memories where Abrar used to stare at me. I knew he was looking at me, still, I pretended not to know. The feeling was magical. My eyes drifted to the phone.I took it and checked it with limited expectations.Nothing.It worried me more than it hurt me and I hoped he