Chapter 2: What I Always Wanted.

I groaned as I woke up from my alarm groggily, and pushed my hair back with one hand. My long wavy silver hair was now chopped off till my shoulders. Not that I looked bad, though. It had been a week now with my new wolf cut hair that my mom did for me. And it turned out, I was actually born for this haircut. The best part is I don't even need to style it with blow dryer and curlers like others as strangely my hair stays in like that even when I wake up. 

Oh! In case you're wondering, I still didn't shift after my eighteenth birthday. The only good thing that happened to me on that day was my haircut and a painting that Diana gifted me. It was an oil painting of my side profile with my hair, long and sweeping with the breeze as my face gazed straight at the clear sky above me. Quite breathtaking, I would say. She had painted me too beautiful to be real. Every stroke and smudge defined a particular feature of my face that I never knew existed. 

To be honest, I shouldn't have expected much already for my special day. I should've known the limits, that I was never born to get what I want. I wasn't born to be adored by every person I met and I wasn't supposed to think of myself as fortunate to have a mate at all. What I always wanted was something never meant to be mine. And I have to learn to live this way only. 

Well, the reason why I'm acting so calm right now is because I had been dramatic over these things not long ago. I literally cried for three nights non stop but that won't change the reality, right? And the reality is I am here to serve and suffer, not to find my happiness and a mate. 

I dragged myself into the shower. Today was September 8, 2022; the date that belongs to our one and only Alpha princess, Diana. It was her birthday and wolves from all over the world would be visiting. They were mainly to be males as it allowed them to find their mates; many hoping that Diana was one of them. 

Drying myself, I pushed my damp hair back so it flowed till my collar bones. I passed a mirror on my way to the toilet and grimaced at what I saw. 

My eyelids were still puffy and red from all the unnecessary crying. Then my eyes landed on my bare body. Small and large scratches lined my arms and even chest; it had been a week or so and my bruises and cuts were still there. Thanks to my wonderful tormentors. Mara never touched me. It would hurt her precious Luna reputation if she did. But her friends seem to relish in the blood lust. Probably, their wolves enjoyed taking their frustration out on me. 

I wore the jumper, which was the worst one they had given me. Applying some concealer and a lot of foundation, did the trick of hiding the dark circles and some scratches on my visible arm areas. They usually avoided my face in fear of being caught, but many times, they would be wolfed out. Luckily I knew some makeup tricks, thanks to the internet. 

5 :30 am sharp. I bust my ass in the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Today we had to not only make breakfast and dinner but also prepare food for tonight's party and make sure glasses were polished and ice was ready for the alcohol buckets. 

Thankfully, that part of the party was the bar preparation tasks. I was just on kitchen duty as always and would be on server duty for the rest of the night. Alpha Phoenix often had me with hospitality, carrying glasses of champagne. Gratefully, most wolves went to the bar for harder drinks, having a liking for whiskey, so I was usually not busy. 

Breakfast came and went and we started preparing a large feast of salads, pasta, loaded fries, chicken and sausages. My mom was the head chef today, so it was easy. The kitchen had a multitude of ovens, grills and hobs to keep up with the demand, so it was no surprise that there were twelve of us in here. I was mainly on meat preparation, something to keep my hands busy and my head down. Besides, the pack was in a hustle of happiness since the other pup of their Alpha was turning 18 tonight. 

Throughout the day, I felt my eyes pulsing and a headache growing, knowing it was more than likely because of the lack of sleep I had been having. And the fact I refused to eat during the day just to keep myself away from all the other wolves. The only thing that ran through my mind all day was to wrap up all of my tasks quickly to make time and wish Diana face to face. I might have texted her at midnight but that didn't feel enough for me. I wanted Diana to know how much she and our friendship means to me. And she is someone I adore the most after my parents. 

After dinner, we cleaned. I was sweating profusely as my hands cleared the scraps from the plates. I knew my makeup was dripping off as when I touched my face it covered my fingers in glitter colors. I had to paint it on again before I went to wish Diana. 

Thankfully, dinner service was over and it was just a case of unloading the dishwasher in an hour. It was 4 pm and the party started at around 6:30. My job at the kitchen was almost done and I had an hour to redo my face and find a way to meet up with Diana. 

Locking my bedroom door behind me, I sighed in satisfaction. Safe. Making my way to my en-suite shower room, I turned on the water from the two taps. A sweet slumber made its way to me, as soon as I felt the warm water hit my bruises. I was ready for a long sleep and all I wanted to become was a sloth. The pain in my head was throbbing, but I had no time for that. 

After fifteen minutes, I wasn't done but had to come out of the shower. I swallowed a couple of painkillers and pulled down a black dress and tights. I was serving tonight so I had to wear this uniform, like the other 7 females. The black dress almost reached till my knees and the tights were helping a lot. Something better finally. 

Done reapplying my makeup, I smiled in satisfaction. I put on some eyeshadow this time, knowing I wouldn't have a moment later before the party begins. Pulling my hair back, I clipped them in a half-updo and let some fringes fall on my face, it would be easier to hide. 

Before I went upstairs, to the lounge as a server, I made my way out the entrance to reach the garden as a friend to wish my one and only. I texted Diana to come meet me at the garden and ran towards the palace. Running in heels isn't that difficult, I must say. 

I held a small box in my hand wrapped with some shiny paper and yellow ribbon on top, the birthday girl's favorite color. The only present that I could afford for her was this handmade pendant that was her name molded with metal wire, with a rose quartz shaped as a crescent Moon, fixed on the top of her name's last 'A'. 

Entering through the main gate, I made my way towards the garden when someone pulled my hair harshly and yanked it, causing me to fall on my back. I hissed in pain, rubbing my back. Neither I have to look up to know who that motherfucker is nor I have to tell you. 

"Get up, you useless piece of shit!" Her voice was filled with annoyance and extreme anger. 

Taking the support of the ground, I forced myself to get up to just be pushed against a wall by Mara, her canines extended. Her free hand quickly slapped me across the face so hard and unexpectedly that I bit down on my lip and the metallic warmth of my blood filled my mouth. 

Her face sour and her eyes filled with anger against I don't know who or what. "It's all your fault!" She shrieked. 

"Wha-What.. "

"Don't what-what me. You know what you did. You purposely parade around like a slut to get everybody's attention. You must be happy, right? That you finally caught the attention of the Beta of Blood Moon! My wedding will get delayed because of your dumbass. You are just pathetic, bringing your own pack to reign. And now, we all have to suffer because of you, as if your very being isn't enough torture for us." 

My bottom lip wobbled and I kept my eyes on her shoes as tears threatened to fall from my eyes. Was I really good for nothing? 

"Oh what, gonna cry now? How pathetic, just like I said. Now, get out of my sight." She scoffed. 

I nodded furiously and turned to hurry away. However, my reflexes were too slow to notice Mara's pointed foot and I toppled and fell on the ground but on my stomach this time. I came crashing down on the cemented ground, the side of my face taking a huge part of the hit. I could hear Mara chuckling as she disappeared, exiting from the way I entered. 

I laid there alone and cried, my face absolutely on fire from pain. I could feel blood pooling from my lip again and what felt like my nose. Sitting up, I touched the side of my head to see more blood. My vision swirled and I had trouble bringing myself to my feet. My palm was bleeding too because of the cemented ground I was forced on. Damn cement. Damn wolves. 

My shoulders moving up and down as tears streamed down from my face, I couldn't stop the pain from scraping my heart constantly. I longed for well being, for safety. To not have to worry every time that I stutter in fear of repercussions. I longed for freedom, for no one to judge or rule over me. I longed for my wolf, my heritage. And a place in the pack. And for the bare minimum I wanted to be treated right. 

Fortunately, everyone must have already left for the party held on the terrace of our packhouse so there was no one around, otherwise the smell of my blood would have attracted them here. The sky was turning darker every second just like my life. The only difference was that the sun would rise again tomorrow, turning it brighter unlike my life where there's not even a sun. 

When I eventually stood, picking up the small present, everything swam, and I wobbled my way to exit. I cannot let Diana or literally anyone see me in such a miserable state. Somehow reaching a pillar, I clutched onto it when a familiar voice rang through my ears. I cursed under my breath but didn't budge or turn my head. 

"Ayla" Diana's voice resonated closer to me this time. "Turn around." She demanded, which I assume she sensed the smell of my blood. 

I didn't have the strength to run away from the situation, and honestly speaking I never really had strength. Just a weak, cowardly species who isn't even a fully human. 

Although I felt really dizzy, I shook my head side to side, my back still facing her when another voice resonated around us. "Diana!" A shiver of foreign delight coursed through my spine at his voice. 

"Why do I smell blood?" His voice was enchanting, words like silk as they caressed my ear. But what was most euphoric was his scent. Intoxicating, shall I say. So intoxicating in fact, that when its owner approached us, my vision went black as I fell backwards on his shoulder for support. 

All it took was the gentle brush of his skin against mine for my world to come crumbling down.