Fifty-six

The silence is unnerving, as the seconds go by I try to tell myself that he fell asleep, that he just didn’t hear. He’s choosing to ignore me. That’s it.

My ears are ringing, all the blood is rushing through my head. The moment of braveness is gone, just as soon as the words slipped out. I’m blinking trying to see the shapes in the darkness, I know he’s next to me.

I can feel him.

He’s right there, but neither of us moves. The whole room seems as if it was charged with electricity. Tension maybe is me. Maybe I wasn’t loud enough for him to hear, I’m constantly having one-way conversations but that mostly happens when Buddy is in the room. God, who hasn’t said something?

Minutes, maybe hours have gone by and he hasn’t moved or made a sound. When I rise he doesn’t react and when I pad slowly to the door and twist slowly on the knob he doesn't rouse. He’s dead to the world or a very good actor.

The light on the other side is soft on my eyes but bright enough to catch the resentful