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It's enough for now.
The clock says 6:30 a.m.. Tim was sleeping in the sofa while Grandpa's on the folding bed. Miss Mia left yesternight to keep a track on her eldest daughter, and me-the sick kid who can't be part of the next decades.
I felt guilt everytime I see them exchanging thoughts about where they would sleep or who would do this and that. And I can't do anything you about it. I don't want them to worry too much about me. I just want to hit rewind and stop time and stay at the moment where we are all celebrating life.
I already told the doctor that I don't want to undergo any treatment. At first, he was trying to convince me that surgeries, chemotherapies are the best for me. Until I told him my side. I remembered how he took a deep sigh and spoke to me, ' Live your days. I'm happy to meet you in this lifetime.' And honestly, it hurts like hell. He is just
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Living And Dying Stay.
We stayed here in the rooftop of the hospital while Grandpa and Miss Mia are talking health business with the doctors. Before we left the room, they are already having a conversation, and I saw how Grandpa wiped his tears- it made my heart shattered into million pieces. But then when he saw me, he gave me smile that hides his pain and it took me to a higher level of me sobbing internally.The atmosphere was caliginous, adding affection to my soul. The only thing I could hear is the sift evening whispers and my trouble breathing.“ Everything happens so fast, right? It's like.. just a glimpse and then everything went blank.. Feels like.. you almost finish your painting then suddenly... someone throw black at it then.. it's- it's dark.” I spoke softly breaking the defeaning silence while hugging my knees and my eyes are darted in the s
Living And Dying to the countryside
Morning air, the sound of my alarm clock with my heart ready to conquer the day, the music track in the stall, the quotes beside the plates and teapots-are the things I am longing for. The things that kept me alive.I closed the curtain by the window for the last time. We're leaving again. I suddenly felt lump in my throat as I walked through the door. It already looked like the first time I entered this four-cornered room. The lonely pillows, the chair in my reading corner, and the succulents in the table-little things that will remind me of how painful and amazing I've been through.I took a series of deep breaths as I scan the my now empty room. My things are already packed up. We left the hospital three days ago and now I am leaving the apartment with Tim. As I closed the door, I felt like I am closing another chapter of my life. Tim patted my
Living And Dying welcome home.
We traveled long enough until the only scenery that I could see from the window are trees.The tall buildings are slowly disappearing from the view, and my music being played in the van turned to ballad from rock. I couldn't fall asleep because I don't want to miss a single second of this travel... might be the last.“Are we still far away?” I asked Grandpa for the nth time. He's the only one awake aside from me.He glanced at me in the rearview mirror and gave me a gentle smile. “ Almost home.”I took a deep breath and rub my chest using my left palm as I felt a sudden pain. My eyes stayed still in the road we passed by. I felt like I'm having trouble breathing again. My lungs are really the worst of all the worst.“ Oh, gosh.” I mumbled as
Living And Dying I'll rather die.
“I felt like we're already living in a forest...like in the most beautiful way.” I uttered and sip my green tea which taste the worst but the best for my dumb body.Tim nodded and smiled looking at the view outside. Just people passing by with breads on their hands, or children running early in the morning, and the sound of the birds chirping- it made me feel alive. I took my cardigan from the chair beside me and wore it.“Where are you going, young lady?“ Tim asked.Since yesterday he's been calling me 'young lady' or would reply to me with words like 'my pleasure'. I couldn't count how many times I'd punch him because of that.“I want to visit the tree when you cross the lake, I found it really pretty. Gotta go. I'll be back-”
Living And Dying listen to me.
Should I wake him up?Should I go outside?Am I dying tonight?Should I just wait for the sun again?“Ugh, this kind of old drama again.”I mumbled to myself and sat down on the side of my bed again and took a deep sigh. It's freaking three in the morning and no single sign of sleepiness showed up. It's been a long time since insomnia hugged me. I've been walking back in forth here in my small room. I kept my moves quietly because the wall is thin, I might wake him up. I don't know what to do anymore. Insomnia and panic attack at the same time is the worst combination ever.I stood up again and walked through the door. I nervously twisted the doorknob with trembling hands. A deafening silence covered the whole area of
Living And Dying three months left.
“ What is this? Take this away from-”“Kath, you need that.” Grandpa uttered calmly while eyes are darted on me and holding my hands and squeezing it gently.My brows went down together as they all look at me with pity. “ Who the hell made you believe I am dying?!”My voice sounds arrogant and I know I am losing control of my self. I'm losing all the respect left in my body. I just can't understand why all of this has to happen.I just want take this clear tube that divides underneath my neck being tucked in the back of my ears, and meet in my nostrils. I tried to get my hands off Grandpa's but he won't let me go because he know what I will do.“This is making me sick!” I screamed while tears of hatred streamed down. “I
Living And Dying I want Her To Stay
Timothy's POVShe's all I got and all I gained. I don't know how to spend my days if I lose her. She's been my partner in almost everything. She's not just Zoe Kathareen Edwards but she's the one I can see in my future. No one can replace her and I don't want her to leave me. I already lose my Mom and I'm a coward knowing she'll left sooner. Damn.Since I knew I am in love with her, I promise to myself that I will try the best of me to help her find the will to continue living life. And since the day I met her, she's always stayed in my mind for unknown reasons. I've been searching for this feeling and now, It's scary it might fade away the soonest-just like her.She's hardheaded and tough, but I love her. Just seeing her smile, gives sparkles to my body. Her presence always made me feel I am home and I cant imagine waking u
Living And Dying already my miracle.
Zoe's POVI hit the enter icon and took a sigh. A sigh that says I am almost done with life. I stared blankly ahead and found nothing interesting. Everything seems dull in my vision.I saved the final draft of the chapter I wrote and closed my laptop. I put it back on my right desk and hug my pillow again. It's been days since I last wrote a chapter of it and I am scared I couldn't finish it within my remaining life expectancy. I should be happy because death is what I want before...but now... I don't want to face it. I want to stay alive...with him.I'm like a ghost to him since yesterday. He never glance or ask me if I am okay, not even giving me a pat in my head. It's always Grandpa or Miss Mia or Kira who would accompany me with this damn cancer.
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