Yes Mom! And don't worry, I am not killing myself.” I screamed as I kneeled down the floor to collect the scratch papers that were scattered everywhere. And when I say everywhere, what I mean is under the bed, inside my bathroom, on the floor, and even under the bed sheets.After cleaning everything, I jumped to my bed and stared at the ceiling. This is life. Work. Rest. Stare. But I know, this is not a life for everyone. This is a life for a 21- year old who's life means nothing to her. My life only revolves inside in a very small place. And believe me, the last time I went to the mall is when I was seven and I can't barely remember the whole detail about it. I also don't know how the school looked like. Trust me when I say my life is the most boring life someone could ever lived.
It was almost 4 in the afternoon when I decided to go outside to have a bicycle ride. Mom is baking an apple pie and Dad is reading an old newspaper that was delivered last last month. He is really strange. As I stepped out of the garage, I immediately felt how the sun kissed my face. The clouds are forming shapes and I also spotted a dinasaour cloud which I almost see during Thursdays.
I decided to go to the East side of the village which is the most beautiful site to witness a beautiful sunset. I bought my sketchbook and some crackers to fight loneliness. But, I am just alone but not lonely. Except for my nights where insomnia won't let go of me.I arrived there after a 10- minute ride. I parked my bicycle beside the tree and took my sketchbook and crackers from the basket. I run to my sweet spot and immediately lie on the the green grass. This feeling is a must for every dying heart. The first three second where you can breathe from everything.I remembered the first time I discovered this place. I was 7 that time. That day, Mom told me I cannot go outside the village anymore. My body, especifically my dumb lungs, are too sensitive. We once tried to go shopping, the day and the only day I went to the mall. We got stuck in the traffic that time, and while sitting in the backseat, I am already chasing for air. But I didn't told Mom or Dad about it, cause I know I won't be able to see the Mall if I'll tell them. But I couldn't really hide it. We are already inside the mall for an hour or two when I got a shitty panik attack. It was my first time being in a crowded place and it was so loud. My body overreacted that I got a nosebleed and almost fainted. It was an awful memory. A week after that incident, Mom tolf me I can't go outside the village anymore. I got mad that time and walk out of the house. Then my rebellion, discovered this place I wished I knew sooner. That moment really-
“Here for the sunset?”
I suddenly heard a voice coming from my right side and it was deep. I turned my head to his direction and give him a disgusted look. Who is this jerk who cutted me off from my life narration? I've never seen this face before and it's a nightmare to see him now, lying beside me. The hell.I immediately punched him in the face and stood up. I kicked him in his legs causing him to get up from lying in the grass field. His jeans are now dirty because of my shoes. He smirked a little and then he smiled showing his white teeth.
“ I thought you are weak. ” He uttered causing my mind telling me to punch him again. And I did.He didn't even flinched and hugged his knees.
“My Mom left us." His voice was deep and he was staring blankly. Who the hell is he?
My eyebrows furrowed and I crossed my arms, standing in front of him.“Do I look like I care? If I told you awe, don't be sad, it's okay, would I change the fate and stop your Mom from leaving? Idiot.”He let out a sigh and stared at me. He didn't even utter a single word but he is making me tremble and it feels awkward. I stared at him at I noticed how brown his eyes are and his stare is a killer as if he's trying to read what's on my mind.“ You ruined my day, you know-”“But you made mine.” This time, he finally stood up and flashed a wide smile. This guy is such a piece of a little dumbass kid who's Mom is not around to teach him what personal space means.I watched him leave and thank God I can be alone again. No.No.No. My eyes widened as he kicked my bicycle and tried to ride on it.“Hey! Idiot! Leave my bike alone or else I will kill you- Get off!”
He didn't listen to me and now he's trying to ride my precious bike. Crap, this guy is testing my patience.“Is this yours? Can I borrow-”“No!”I punched him for the third time. Causing him to fall on grass. Deserved. I took my bike away from him and ride on it. I put back my sketchbook and my crackers back to the basket and started pedalling. The sun is setting and ready to sleep. I glanced at it and mesmerized it's beauty for five seconds that I wish I could stare at it until it's gone, but thanks to this idiot, it could not happen.I need to leave because I have a gut that this guy is dangerous to be with.I am already three blocks away from him and I felt my adrenaline rush. I stopped over a shed and chased for air. The clouds are starting to get dark and the ambiance feels calm. I ate my crackers and warched some people past by in front of me.And I have this weird habit that everytime I stare at someone, I usually end up thinking what is going inside their head. And staring at them made me feel I am really different. Different in a good way. Some people flash their smiles but still feel giving up. Some are always in their blank faces but still feel alive.When you look at me, you can already tell I am weird. My brows are thick and my face is close to a nerd in every book I've read encountering a nerd protagonist. But I only wear glasses when I read, mostly 10 hours a day. Dad tole me that everyone's weird. He once met someone who ate hotdogs and dipped it in a hot coffee. Disgusting to imagine.I grew up in this village and my body was immuned to the surroundings. It was really hard for me since I am a hardheaded girl. I want to do a lot of things my parents wouldn't allow me. This world is so cruel to me that I decided to build my own. I create my own home. But, honestly, it's still on process. I am still trying to live and accept the facts about the things I cannot change. I am still lost and I hope I will find a home soon.Dad left earlier today for his business presentations. He usually leave at 8 in the morning, and Mom was left with me and for today since it's her day-off. She's working in a company I don't even understand how they come up with the company name. It says “ Notes and Rest.Co” where it looks like they are selling musical instruments or sometimes, I thought they are a funeral service. But they are really selling furnitures. I just couldn't find any logic.I sat on the sofa and replayed my favourite animated movie, " My Neighbor Totoro". Mei is just too cute to handle especially everytime she shout. I am a couch potato for today as Mom would describe me everytime she see me lie here in the sofa with a bowl of popcorn.“Are you hanging out with a guy?”I get up and gave her a what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about-Mom- face. She chuckled lightly and continued spreading cheese in her spaghetti.“Or a guy friend, at least?”“Mom, that is impossible.” I said emphasizing the last word.She shrugged it off but ther is something suspicious in her expressions.“Mom,what? You never ask me stuffs like this.”I paused the movie to focus with my conversation with Mom. This is really getting into my nerves. She first finished cleaning the counter area and look at me in the eye.“So who's that boy after you yesterday?”“ Mom, I was alone yesterday. All alone. Don't tell me your seeing ghosts.”“Oh,maybe. But I didn't know ghost can follow you then watched you enter the garage while smiling and he is a handsome ghost by the way.”That idiot.It is already 4 am but I haven't sleep yet. No single sign of being sleepy showed up and I had to accept the fact that I need to face this chapter of my life again.My insomnia started few years ago. I thought that it will be only for a day until it seems to happen twice or thrice each week. Staying awake in darkness is really undeniably painful.Silence is a great company but not all the time. Silence is when my thoughts scream. I often end up overthinking too much when insomnia hits me up. Until I would just think to cut my own wrist or to jump by the window.And now, I am like a creep, sitting in my bed and my mind is starting to give me reasons to give up. Like "you are a burden", it's always like that. I feel like tha
I am staring blankly at my ceiling wondering what will happen in the next few days. And now, I am puzzled if I should continue going with my sweet adventure. But inside me, I am really excited to try new stuffs, visit places and met new people.I know this is really dangerous. But there is a question that is haunting me for hours now. Why did my lungs are doing great? Or ...I was just overwhelmed that time when we visit the mall?Was I?Dad once told me that I came out from Mom's womb too early. I am a blue baby. That time, they really thought I would not survive. But I did. That's why, they got so overprotective that I cannot even remember that I experienced playing with kids and rolling in the mud or dancing in the rain.When I was just a little c
It's raining outside and I need to stay inside. And it means that it's until tomorrow. The ambience is super calm. A perfect time to recall the changes I've experienced this week. These days have been an adventure to me. But I know, there's a disaster waiting and it's near to come. But, as long as it makes me happy, there's nothing wrong with it.Lately, I just found myself practicing my speech if ever my parents find out about my morning escapes.But I am really praying to all Saints hoping they wouldn't get a hold of me and won't let me go out if the time will come they will know about it.My speech goes like:Mom,Dad, forgive me. I know you are doing your very best for me. But I couldn't stand being stuck here. It's giving me reasons to hate my life. I just want to be a normal and feellike I exist. I want to live my life. It's not that I don't want to be with you anymo
I tied my hair in a low ponytail as I continued painting my artwork. The only thing that needs some attention are the detailed part of the sky. You know, the formation of the clouds, the birds, and some shades on it.After finishing it, I stared at it long enough to the point I started to hate it. Always like that. Everytime I wrote a poem, I read it over and over until it sounds very corny. It's a very weird habit.I washed my hands and clean my nails that are now stained with paints. After some minutes, I went downstairs and sat down by the sofa. It's boring and I can't escape since my parents are here. Mom is in the garden and Dad is chit-chatting with our neighbor. There's always a time like this. Where everything just seems so fine but, it's not.Yesternight, while staring at the ceiling, I imag
My tears are continuously running down but my face stays blank. I can already feel how red my cheeks are. My shirt is half wet because of my tears and my heart is full of anger right now.“Since when?” Dad asked calmly but I know he's trying to fight his anger.I didn't respond and looked at them in the eye.They already knew about my morning escapes. It happens that the guard told Mom about it. It was not Sir Keil. A lady guard, the one I remembered who kept on staring at me.“I know I am not illed.” I finally said with cracked voice. Mom stood up from sitting in her chair and her brows furrowed in confusion and surprise.“What are you talking about, Zoe? Are you saying we're lying-?”“ Aren't you?”&n
The sun just rise when I woke up. I check the time and it was already quarter to six in the morning. The first thing I saw was the ceiling. A different ceiling from what I am used to. It is a new room I am waking up with. I rubbed my eyes and stretched my body. Then folded my blanket and arranged my bed.I got a very nice sleep. I stood up right away and started my morning routine. I walked outside wearing my leggings paired with an oversized white shirt and flat shoes. Tim reminded me that today will be a busy day for the both of us. We need to find a job right away. I am very nervous since I don't have any experience having a job.Guess this adventure is really for my first times. &nb
“ It was when our first customer came and then the moment he entered this restaurant, I heared him say 'what a monochromatic place', and I was like ' that's a cool name for a restaurant, it sounds freaking elegant'.” He sounds excited like he's telling the best story he read- he even mimic how that first customer uttered the words.That was what Sir Flinn said after I asked him how did they come up with naming the restaurant as ' Monochromatic'. His eyes are gleaming and I wonder that he doesn't know the meaning behind that word.Obviously.This is our first day of work- a work which I am not sure if we will receive a good pay. A work without proper contract or anything legal. It's really complicated right now.Miss Mia messaged Sir Flinn that she will take a day off
We started our day by getting off the dust. It was awful since it's early in the morning and we just took our bath to get soaked with dust. The exterior of this stall is really unattractive. It doesn't make the customers interested of what's inside. The color of the wall is too pale and is unmatched to the atmosphere of the interior which is pretty dark. Just by staring at the stall, it's really impossible to have atleast 5 customers per day.We left the apartment earlier than the other days. I also prepare clothes for me to use if ever I got too untidy from cleaning. Miss Chim prepared us packs of sandwiches we can eat for snacks. There's a strawberry jammed sandwich and the other one is coatwd with cheese and ham. She is really the sweetest.The most exciting part of today is meeting Miss Mia's kids. She told us that they come to vi