I was feeling the pain of the sprinkles of holy water being thrown at me, it's like glass cutting through my flesh. I was wailing with pain as every words written in that stupid bible cuts my insides, I can feel my bile rising up my stomach as I vomit brownish green fluids out. I can feel myself weakening. It's as if my soul is being cast out of Cassidy's body.Is this it? I am a devil? The fact that the words of the Holy Bible is slashing my flesh like knives and the holy water like acid burning through my flesh are evidence enough that I have finally lost my last straw of humanity. I tried to hold on to it, for the sake of one last chance on earth, to feel human, to feel loved and to belong, but this, this is not me. I am no longer Hannah, I am the devil himself. My heart is aching not because of the torture the priest is subjecting me to, but because of the hurt I feel, as I feel my last chance to have a happy normal life, slipping away from me.How did it come to this? How did my
I woke up feeling the cold breeze gently caressing my cheeks. As I open my eyes I saw the brightness of day. I stared at the greenery before me and the specks of color here and there from the flowers that intoxicate my senses. The smell was enveloping me, it was a myriad of flowers, peonies, magnolias and lavender all mixed up in a warm comforting scent. I slowly sat up and I saw beside me Devon – so beautiful and peaceful. I looked around and realized we are no longer at the vineyard. We are at a completely different place, a dimension even where everything is bright and colorful, nice and beautiful.I reached out to touched Devon’s lips, so pink and luscious contrasting all the greens, blues, reds and yellows of this meadow. He slowly opened his eyes, all confused as he met mine. As I saw his blue eyes staring at me I saw relief, happiness and love. It made me feel all warm and happy inside. This is a feeling that is alien to me. Every time I feel happiness I used to remember having
My hands are shaking as I held a blade over my pulse. My palms are sweaty and cold, tears stream from my eyes as the past events in my life unfold before me. I watch my life rewind with an emotionless stare as all I feel now is that I am so lost. Hopeless. Sad. Alone. I could hear my breathing as it comes out fast. I'm scared but I feel like this is the only way to escape. To stop the madness that is creeping on me. The terror gripped me. I no longer want to live. I cannot see myself walking this earth anymore as life has repaid me nothing but sorrow, pain, and endless melancholy. I gave everything into the universe, all the love, joy, and hard work that I can do, I gave my life my all, but it failed me. I failed me. I was not designed to be amongst the living. I do not deserve to live anymore. The bubbly, happy girl is gone. All I am is a pathetic lost soul. Hollow and wretched I walk
It is a bright summer day, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining brightly. It is a big contrast to what this day is. It’s Hannah’s funeral. It is quite a big event, flowers everywhere at the chapel and a whole lot of people. Looking at each of them one by one, none of them cared for Hannah. I see a bunch of her so-called friends and a whole lot of our mom’s friends. I look at them with disdain and I can’t help but feel a lump in my throat forming, as I see my mom demurely accept condolences from her people looking so distraught followed by her fake sniffles. I know for a fact she never cared for her. It’s disgusting. I cannot take it any longer. As the funeral reaches its end. I leave the chapel and drive back to the mansion. As I approach the door, I stop and get a cigarette from my coat pocket, and light it up. I breathe in deeply and savor the calmness it brings me. It is a breath of fresh air for me, when I close my eyes all I see is Hannah’s bloodied body d
Dearest Matthew, You're probably thinking what kind of morbid thoughts have entered my crazy mind as I am writing to you from the other side. Technically, I'm not yet dead as I was writing this but in my heart and soul, I've long been dead. Matt, you know you were the only one that has always been there for me. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, for always having my back with all the insane things I've done and yet I still get into trouble all the time. But hey, it's not your fault, it's just that mom and your dad hate me to the core of their bones. Don't worry, I was not crying while writing this. I have long accepted my fate that my own mother will never love me the way she loves you and our siblings. And your dad, don't get me started. He doesn't even acknowledge that I exist. He pretends all the time that I'm some distant bad dream that if he pinches himself just hard enough, I will vanish. I don't blame him because he never saw me as his daugh
"I never wanted a savior, I never wanted a white knight to sweep me off my feet to carry me away from my troubles. I only wanted to be loved." Tears streamed down my eyes as I continue reading Hannah's letter, I wanted to die that moment I felt as if I don't deserve to be alive. I'm angry that I cannot avenge Hannah because my bastard father is dead! He did not deserve that peaceful death, he deserved a lifetime of agony. He loved me, I know, he was a good father to me but Hannah? He was a monster! He was evil underneath that sheep's clothing. "How can I help you, Hannah?"I said aloud, lost in my thoughts. I'm so torn on how I will continue to face my family having this burden of knowing everything. It will destroy us. The company he has built, the love of all the people around us. When he died everyone was in mourning. We lost a good man, that's what everyone thought, but I know Hannah more than anyone and I know she will never lie to me. But why? Why just
Devon just came back to his house after a night of partying. A day after my burial he's already out and about getting laid and drunk. How Sweet.I muttered to myself as I spy on him stumbling with his keys to open the door. Devon stepped inside his empty house. Like me, Devon was quite the lost soul, but unlike me, he must have enjoyed the fact that his parents are always away. Must have been nice than being in the same house every single day, all the forced interactions, the awkward nods. He is lucky he doesn't have to go through that. In fact, his parents must love him dearly or rather overcompensate with their inadequacies by always bailing him out of trouble and giving him the best things in life. I guess his carefree attitude attracted me to him. I naturally gravitated to his rebellious tendencies which my friends find repulsing. He was insanely rich and troubled at the same time. We may look like the power couple in high school, the extra popular pa
I woke up with a massive headache. I was out so late last night with Cassidy, she invited me to her place and of course, things got hot and heavy as it always was with her, it was good while it lasted, but when I rolled off from on top of her and I tried to close my eyes all I could see was her - Hannah. God, I miss her. I did not bother to wake up Cassidy or give her a proper goodbye. I just drove off and went home. I couldn't bear to stay and see her the following morning knowing in my heart and soul that I just want to get Hannah off of my mind and that's why I hook up with Cassidy. It's all too late knowing I made a mistake, because well, Hannah is dead. "Dead." I scoffed as I drink water from the tap. It's such a short lifeless word devoid of emotions when you blurt it out but evokes a million other feelings when you have lost someone, sadness, longing, and regret. It's hard to feel that, knowing that you can never turn back and there is no more room for reconciliation