Chapter 15- Slade, ten years ago

As I stand running a hand through my hair in the girls section of Walmart, I realize my decision to have River stay with the girls, was a hasty one and I’m clueless and so far out of my element. My cousin would have been much better at this task, seeing as Riv has a little sister, my cousin Lark, whose ten now. I know nothing about girls clothes or sizes. And now I’m regretting my decision to leave him to watch over the Cross girls all because I didn’t want to be left alone with my mate. She’s the most intimidating, perceptive, and terrifying creature I’ve ever met. And she is all of eleven, weighs less than an unsheared sheep, and is very, very human. If my pack knew, I would never hear the end of it.

Our hunter band left the vehicles in the parking lot of a twenty-four-hour big box store where they’d be unlikely to get towed. That would be some serious explaining to do if our rides got searched and we’d likely wind up on some terrorist watch list. Not that a werewolf can stay in prison because of the monthly change, so we’d have to break out before then, or take a shit ton of wolfsbane and hope it suppresses the shift, or in the best-case scenario, avoid getting caught in the first place.

 We always have spare clothes on hand, first aid supplies, rations, and a backup plan because we obviously don’t have a way to tote phones or wallets or keys while wearing our wolf skins. Riv often jokes our hides should have come with pockets and his mate Willow theorized the moon must be a dude because a woman would have thought to include it in our design.

Though the truck is too small to transport the girls, I still got out the spare key we kept in a magnetic box under the hood, to get my own gear out. I put on my extra pair of boots and checked my phone for any missed calls or texts from the others. I knew I was unlikely to have any communications from them yet regarding the status of the rogue, because all their stuff, and the Jeep, remained untouched. 

No news is better than bad news, and I’m confident my pack took down Bale. I’m more uncertain about Wolfe’s fate, but I have faith in the moon my cousin survived. He is strong. It’s the wait and unknowing that is getting under my skin, but I must stay focused on our mission now to get the girls to Apalachicola, Florida where the Tideland pack lives in the national forest there. It’s four hours from Waycross, which doesn’t seem like much, but that leaves countless opportunities for the girls to be spotted by the concerned public or law enforcement between here and there. That would be a disaster to deal with.

It’s still daylight, which only increases that risk of them being seen, as would bringing the girls to this parking lot while I made a supply run. That’s why I made the executive decision to grab some things here before I drive back to pick them all up where they wait on the edge of the swamp. Finding some snacks to hold them over was the easy part and I piled the cart full, which all will be compliments of Riv’s credit card, but now I stand befuddled at the seemingly endless rack of pink dresses, and rainbow leggings, tiny jeans, and sparkly things.

 The underwear aisle in this part of the store has been even worse for me, and I’m not one to blush easily, but my cheeks burn when I grab several random packs of different sized panties and toss them into the cart.  The sock selection is a bit easier, but when I see the training bras, my humiliation reaches a new level. I get a judgmental side-eye from a woman pushing a cart stuffed full of her crotch goblins who are loud and throw shit out of the cart and have snotty noses. She probably thinks I’m a pervert or a teen Dad.  I’m drawn to some tie-dye training bras so I grab one in all the sizes they have, throw them into the cart, and quickly move on. 

A woman with a chin bob, and a bored looking tween daughter on her cellphone, takes pity on me when she notices the lost look on my face between the racks of neon leggings and rainbow shirts. I lie easily, telling her my nieces are coming to stay with us for a while, as she asks me questions about the girls to help me guess their sizes. I owe this random woman in Walmart big time, and she is a true Moon send, seeming to know just what a four-year-old and eleven-year old needs. The shoes were more of a gamble, but we did the best we could. Though I choose the small purple dress with a lacy skirt myself, and one in pink and red too, along with a tie-dyed hoodie after she steers me in the right direction. I remember Sloane’s obsession with the fashion trend as evidenced by her bedroom, and the promise River made to Celeste. Besides, my cousin is actually paying, and this haul doesn’t come cheap. I swipe his Mastercard with a smile. It’s for a good cause after all.

I load up the back of the jeep and hit the highway towards the pickup spot. I feel more nervous  the closer I get to the swamp, but I talk myself down. I can’t believe a human girl has me so worked up and on edge. No, not just a human girl, my mate. Being around her is like torture, but so is being away from her. Even the hour or so I spent in the store, though I know she is in good hands, worry gnawed at my gut over her safety. I know the feelings are still too new, in time they will fade, I’ll be able to temper them and control them, and by the time my mate comes of age, I’ll be long over her. I’m the master of my own feelings and my own fate.

I pull the Jeep onto the shoulder by the grassy field, and by the time River leads the girls out of the woods, I’m equal parts relieved and anxious to be back in the presence of my mate.  My cousin opens the back door for the girls and boosts the cub up inside. River makes sure they get settled and belted in, before he joins me up front.

“Took you long enough. Thought we were going to have to send out a search party,” he smirks.

“I went on a supply run. We’re loaded,” I turn to look over my shoulder into the backseat, “help yourselves to the bag of snacks and drinks I left for you back there. Whatever you want.”

I don’t make eye contact with Sloane or let my eyes linger. I pull my eyes back on the road.

“CeCe needs to be in a car seat. And the next order of business, is a bath and clean clothes,” she says.

Riv shoots me a look and we communicate silently. The girls must be uncomfortable in their swamp soiled clothes and dirt from head to toe. Besides, I really need to get Sloane’s foot cleaned and bandaged. It’s likely an infection isn’t far off if one isn’t already developing.  And her left cheek also needs some attention. But we need to put some miles between ourselves and Waycross. From the scene of the feral’s gas station massacre and the swamp, both of which are likely still flooded with the local law enforcement and the Feds. It would be a wiser option to travel under the cover of darkness and by my guess, sunset is maybe a few hours off.

“As soon as we get down the road a bit, we’ll rent a motel room so you girls can get cleaned up and some rest before we make it to the Tidelands. And while you’re doing that, I’ll run out and pick up CeCe a car seat,” River tells them.

“Is that where your pack lives? The Tidelands?”

I make my way off the shoulder and merge into the light traffic. I hear the sound of crunching and can’t help but smile at the sight of Celeste elbows deep in a bag of Cheetos in the rearview mirror. But her sister is far more concerned with what happens next rather than the motherload of junk food I left for them back there.

“No,” I answer this one, “our pack lives in Oregon. It’s beautiful out there. Clean air, blue skies, clear nights with so many stars you couldn’t count them all in a thousand lifetimes. And trees as far as you can see, snow capped mountains touching the sky off in the distance.”

I get a bit homesick just describing Shadow Ridge. It really is the most beautiful place on Earth. At least the moon is the same everywhere we go. But I hear a sharp breath escape my mate.

“I don’t want to live in the woods ever again.”

I tense and grip the wheel until my knuckles are white. I wonder what all Bale did to them in the woods. I know it will take some time for them to get over their fears. They have to be terrified of wolves and it won’t be an easy transition for them living with the pack at first. But people like my stepmother Iris will be compassionate and understanding, will help the girls adjust to pack life. They will also benefit from talks with the pack healer Skye who has seen many things in her time, both of the body and the mind, and will know how to calm their fears and treat them body, mind, and spirit. And Celeste will learn about her heritage and how to control her gifts from the moon. There is no safer place in the world for them. But it’s going to take some time to show them the beauty of our kind when all they’ve known is the darkness. It will be a long road for them to heal and the scars we can’t see on their skin, will take the most time to fade.

River goes on damage control when he sees I’ve inadvertently upset my mate. His voice is calm and gentle.

“Shadow Ridge has more than just woods. There’s lots of trees, but there’s also clearings with houses and places to run and play, a nice lake to swim in with water so clear you can see the bottom. I’m sure in time, you’ll grow to like it there.”

Sloane falls quiet again and River encourages her to eat something as we head down the road. Celeste has a cheese-colored grin and goes for the cookies next. I feel bad about feeding them all this junk, and worry she’ll puke with the way she is going at it. It’s clear the rogue starved them and they need protein, veggies, fruits, the good stuff. But I don’t have the heart to tell the little cub to slow down. At least she drinks the bottle of milk I bought her to wash down the cookies

My mate finally gives in and I hear her take a handful of Cheetos for herself. But it’s a win and I’ll take it. It releases a tiny bit of the pressure in my chest. She needs some food in her. She skips the milk and goes for a Gatorade instead. I take note of it, that maybe my mate doesn’t care much for milk. I also make a mental tab of the snacks she does choose, some trail mix, and a snack cake.

Once Waycross is fifty miles in our rearview, I pull into the lot of a two-story stucco motel. It’s nothing fancy, a bit outdated, but it’s in a decent part of town and the parking lot is well maintained. It’s not like we’ll be staying long anyway. Just long enough to give the girls a chance to get cleaned up, find something more nutritious to feed them, and let them catch a nap before we hit the road at nightfall. Since River is the more adult, he checks us in and is sure to get a room on the bottom floor facing the parking lot. We wait until the coast is clear to usher the girls inside, and then I play pack mule and bring in all the purchases I bought for them and the first aid kit. I don’t tell River I used his credit card; some things are better left unsaid.

I try to make myself scarce and occupied with mundane tasks such as getting some coffee percolating, as my mate goes through the haul with a critical eye.  She sets aside the hoodie on the bed which I take as a good sign, but when she comes to the training bras, her cheeks turns bright red and she quickly shoves them back into the bag. At least the cub seems happy when she spots the purple dress I picked out and we have a winner. She squeals and bounces up and down on the bed.

River turns some cartoons on which quickly drawls the little one’s attention. Sloane is a harder sell. She’s not ready to relax which is to be expected. She remains with her walls up and I can see the way her eyes dart to the windows and the door. Looking for exits or if they are locked?

“Nothing is getting through that door. Or that window. You’re safe here with us,” I say.

“Maybe I’m worried about what is already in here,” she answers, not meeting my eyes and biting on her bottom lip.

That nearly rips my heart from my fucking chest. But I can’t be upset with her. It’s not her fault, none of this is. Her entire world was turned upside down in only a matter of days. She watched the brutal murder of her parents, then all those poor people at the gas station at the wrong place and time, and most likely that man outside the bar in Tennessee, and taken from her home, dragged through woods, swamps, across state lines, and there’s no telling what all Bale did to her. The rope burns around her neck are still red, purple, and raw and tell a gruesome tale in itself. I’m angry Bale is already dead because his death by the pack was too kind. I want to make him suffer and beg for death for every mark he caused on my mate’s body.

“We won’t hurt you. We’re well in control of our wolves. Even on the nights of the full moon, we wouldn’t harm you girls. Besides, you’re both a part of the pack now. And we protect our own,” declares River.

I can tell that Sloane has had enough of this conversation, and it is a lot to process. I know she probably has more questions, but I can see the exhaustion in the droop of her shoulders, the darkness beneath her eyes, the bleariness in them. She takes CeCe in one hand and picks up a plastic bag of clothes with the other. She leads the cub into the bathroom.

“Just holler if you need anything,” Says River, “I’m going to go get that car seat now.  But Slade will hold down the fort while I’m gone. Any other special requests?”

My mate shakes her head, “No thank you. We have everything we need.”

The bathroom door shuts and River heads to the door with car keys in hand. I experience a moment of panic at the thought of being thrown to the wolves, pun intended, or more aptly thrown to my human mate at her mercy. I need River here to act as a buffer, to fill the awkward silence, and he knows the right things to say. I just say the wrong shit and Sloane already doesn’t have the best impression of me. I follow him towards the door.

“You should stay here with them. I’ll go get the car seat. Besides, the cub likes you better anyway.”

River gives me a wolfish smile, “Why little cuz, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were afraid of them. Tell me which one you think is the bigger threat, the little she-cub, or the fifth grader? You did have a freak out moment back in that shack. Not that I can blame you, I’d be scared of the little Luna if she looked at me like she wanted to claw my eyes out too. ”

I punch him hard on the bicep as he laughs. But he is not wrong. The sound of the shower emits from behind the bathroom door, hopefully muffling our conversation from little ears. But I need to save face here. I can handle them for a while. Two little girls, how hard can it be? I’m a fucking beta of the Shadow Ridge pack, kin to its Alpha, descended from a proud line of warriors and rogue hunters, and I won’t be scared of or cowed by one, small human girl.

“Just hurry back,” I betray myself and my false bravado.

River smiles wider and leans his ass against the small round table as if he plans on staying a while. Then the light tone of his voice grows more serious.

“Tell me what this is really about Slade. What happened back there?”

I let out a heavy breath and drag my fingers through my hair. “What was it like when you first found out Willow was your mate?”

He snorts, “Don’t tell me, Mr.- the- moon-can- go- fuck- itself-I’d-rather- die-alone-I’m-the-master-of-my-own-destiny has found his mate? Who’s the lucky girl? One of those she-wolfs of the Blue Moon pack?”

I feel like I’m swallowing a box of nails, “Just answer the question, River. How did you know?”

He sighs, “Well as you know it was on the night of my eighteenth birthday. And that night when I looked at Willow, everything changed, like it all made sense. I felt an instant connection with her, an overwhelming desire to protect her, make her happy. The feelings only got more intense as time went on. Then when Willow came of age a couple years later, and felt the full effects of the bond too, those feelings increased like a thousand-fold. My love for her turned into more, more romantic, deeper, and I was sexually attracted to her, and she felt the same way. We could barely keep our hands off each other. We didn’t even wait until she was in heat to do the joining. And literally, I want to be inside her all the fucking time, together as one, or wake up next to her against me,” he smiles wistfully, “not much has changed since then. My mate is still the first thought in my head when I wake up in the morning, and she’s the last thing I think of when I go to bed at night.”

“Fuck,” I mutter when I feel my legs collapse beneath me. I allow myself to fall onto the edge of one of the queen-sized beds.

River jumps to his feet, “Holy shit! Holy fucking shit! You actually found your mate, Slade! This is a good thing, cuz, the best fucking thing there is. And you look as though you just lost your best friend. You’re moon blessed, man. Tell me who she is!”

My cousin grabs me by the shoulders and gives me a shake. He laughs and I wish I could feel his excitement, but all I feel is dread crushing my chest. This is no reason to celebrate. I will claim no mate, neither human or wolf.  Humans are weak and fragile things. I would never risk mating with one, with siring her child, only to watch her die because of it. To feel the same pain and guilt my father did. Humans and wolves aren’t meant to be together. The moon has made a terrible mistake. It doesn’t matter. I’m not claiming her. I made a vow when I joined the hunter band to take no true mate and I don’t intend to go back on it now.”

River’s face falls, “You can’t seriously mean you’re going to reject her! Slade, just give the bond a chance and I’m-”

I get to my feet, my face hard and resolute, “No. I will claim no mate. She is free to choose whomever she wants. In time, with the distance, the bond will fade.”

“It’s not that easy Slade. It doesn’t exactly work like that. Over time, your feelings are only going to get stronger. What does your mate have to say about all this? Have you told her of your intentions?” he prods.

“She doesn’t know, and she never will.”

Father told me my mother felt the bond even though she was human, but I’m not sure if that’s true. I don’t think humans can feel it as strongly as wolf’s do. That will make it easier for me to reject Sloane when she comes of age. In fact, I probably won’t have to even publicly reject her at all, if she never feels the bond to begin with.

River snorts, “So she’s too young to feel the bond yet then. But cousin, when she does, everything will change again. The moon makes favored parings for a reason. You may be able to resist the pull of the bond for now, but when your mate comes of age, and the bond is awakened in her, it will be damn near impossible to resist.”

I go over and pour myself a cup of coffee, “I’m willing to accept the challenge. I’m not worried. I have an iron will. And I’m the master of my own feelings. Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

The bathroom door opens, and the girls emerge. I can barely recognize them, all clean and smelling like floral soap.  The cub’s golden hair is braided neatly, her skin rubbed pink, she smiles and twirls around to show off her dress.  My mate is far more timid and reserved. As if maybe with that layer of dirt she washed off, something else came with it. Maybe she is about to break. Maybe its all about to hit her, all the grief and trauma of her ordeal now that she is no longer in the hands of Bale. Now that she is safe, the feelings can come, and she can allow herself to feel them. The numbness is wearing off.

Her hair is no longer in matted tangles, its brushed and flows thickly halfway down her back, she hides her marked cheek with a veil of it, she’s wearing the hoodie, her arms wrapped around herself awkwardly. She limps towards the bed closest to the bathroom, but her foot is not the only thing that hurts her. Her night eyes find me and they’re moist. My heart clenches in my chest and I want to take away the pain I see in them. Then I can feel it in my own chest. Messy, raw, and all consuming.

“You…you need to change out of my dad’s clothes. You smell like him,” she mutters.

CeCe skips over to the bed, thankfully oblivious, and too young to break. She continues to spin in circles, giggling when she gets dizzy, and nearly falls. River scoops her up and playfully tosses her onto one of the beds. She bounces and squeals for him to do it again, raising plump little arms out to him. She already has him wrapped around her finger.

Sloane turns and runs back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Stubborn, proud, not wanting us to witness her coming undone. But I can hear her sobs through the bathroom door, even if I didn’t have a wolf’s keen hearing. And my feet move before my mind tells them to, my heart is in control and I’m at the bathroom door, trying to get to my mate, to comfort her. Her grief has crawled inside my chest and become my own. My eyes burn and I try to open the door. But its locked. I move to kick it down, but I hesitate because I don’t want to hurt her. My mate needs me and that’s all that matters.

“Holy fucking shit. It’s her…” utters a stunned River.

I shoulder the door open instead, the wood splintering, and there I find my mate, knees to her chest on the bathroom floor, shuddering as her pain escapes her. As she lets it out. I expect her to fight me as I move to sit by her, to wrap her in my arms and hold her there through her tears. But she doesn’t, she surrenders, collapses against me. And I keep her close until the last sob has left her, until she is too exhausted to cry anymore, and she falls asleep right next to my heart.

Then I carry her gently and tuck her into bed. I feel just as spent. The cub curls up beside her sister and is soon fast asleep herself. I retreat to the other bed and try and wrap my head around what just happened. Those feelings didn’t belong to me, they belonged to my mate, but yet I felt them through that thread in my chest, through the bond. Fuck, if I already feel things this strongly, what will happen when Sloane comes of age?

River sits down on the bed beside me, “That was intense cuz. I know you felt what she did. There’s no denying your mating bond. It will only intensify.”

“The moon made a mistake River. We can’t be mates. She’s a human and it goes against everything I believe.”

He places a hand on my shoulder, “The moon doesn’t make mistakes. This was meant to be.”

“Don’t tell anyone about this River. Swear it on the moon, swear you’ll never tell anyone else the human girl is my mate.”

His eyes are soft, “It’s not my secret to tell. I swear it on the moon.”

I nod. I trust River more than any of my other cousins. This secret is safe with him. If it was Clay or Wolfe, they’d shout if from the tallest peak of the mountains that surround our homeland. Wolfe especially would be merciless on his torment, while Clay would be more open to the idea of me finding a human mate.

River’s phone rings from the charger on the nightstand. He snatches it up in seconds.

“It’s Uncle Alder,” he says.

 It’s hard only hearing one side of the conversation, but he doesn’t want to put it on speaker and risk waking the girls. Besides, it may not be things they need to hear. I can figure out the gist of the news isn’t good by watching his face. River was always the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. He lets out a weary breath then ends the call with a promise to meet in the Tidelands.

I rub my hands together on the edge of the bed, “Well? Bad news I take it?”

“Wolfe never came back up from the river…And it’s full of gators, he was badly injured on the way down. He’s presumed to have not made it…” River chokes on the words, “…The… The pack is searching the riverbanks for his body. As for the rogue, he turned up downstream and the twins were waiting for him. Hollis made the lethal blow to his neck, but Bale’s body was also lost to the river. It’s unlikely the pack will recover their bodies, but we aren’t about to give up the search just yet.”

I close my eyes. The St Mary’s River winds a hundred and thirty miles, beginning in the swamp, then dumping into the Atlantic Ocean. It’s full of gators among other carnivorous wildlife which would be attracted to the blood. If we do find our fallen cousin, and the dead rogue, it will likely only be pieces of them left. Wolfe and I had our differences over the years, and we didn’t often see eye to eye, but he was my kin and I still loved him. I feel the press of tears behind my eyelids.

“How can we return him to the sky without his body?” I ask my cousin with my eyes still closed.

“I’m sure the moon will make an exception. He died in honor, in a battle protecting the moon’s children and the moon will make a place for him by its side.”

Wolfe, my cousin, my kin, my packmate, has fought his last battle. As I look over at my sleeping mate, her swollen face at peace, I know my own battle has just begun. I will not lose myself in the mating bond, will not lose my own free will, my right to choose. As soon as I complete the job assigned to me by my beta, and get the girls to the Tidelands, I will leave. I won’t return to my homeland until I conquer the mating bond and it’s no more. I am the master of my own fate….