Chapter 16- Sloane, ten years ago

I feel so embarrassed when Slade wakes me up later that night, that I can barely look at him. I got snot and tears all over him earlier, I cried like a baby, but I couldn’t hold it inside anymore. He doesn’t say anything about me using him as a teddy bear and a tissue. He apologizes for waking me up and tells me it’s time to bandage my cut-up foot and eat something. I’m too sleepy to argue with him, my eyes feel dry, and I know I must look awful, so I self-consciously smooth down my hair and make sure I don’t have any dried drool on my face. I wonder when I started caring how I look in front of him. I know he doesn’t see me in that way, thinks of me like a pain in the butt little kid more than anything else, but still I care.

River smiles at me next to a box of pizza. CeCe is already seated at the table, eating a slice with sauce on her face, her little legs dangle off the chair, and I can’t believe I didn’t wake up when she got out of bed. I slept like the dead, though I feel I could sleep for another month straight and still feel tired. The sheets were a bit stiff, but I’ve slept in far worse places lately, and I’m thankful I’m now clean and don’t smell like a swamp anymore.

“Hello sleeping beauty. We saved some for you. Still hot and fresh. I hope you like cheese seeing as you’re a vegetarian, I thought it was a safe bet,” River announces.

“Thanks,” I mutter, “what time is it?”

I yawn and have a good stretch as Slade opens up a black bag by the foot of my bed. He starts pulling medical stuff out of it, very focused on his task. Maybe he just doesn’t want to look at me. I still haven’t figured out if he’s decided he likes me or not. Last night probably didn’t help persuade him when I had my freak out. Crying isn’t attractive for anyone, even models ugly cry. He probably thinks I’m a big crybaby, a silly little girl who isn’t tough. Not much seems to bother him, like he’s made of stone, and I wish I could be like that.

“It’s a quarter past twelve. I figure we get your foot fixed up, grab a bite to eat, then hit the road. We’re only a few hours from the pack lands. We can be there before breakfast,” answers the redheaded wolf.

CeCe uses the back of her hand to wipe her mouth, “Mommy and Daddy never lets me stay up this late, but I’m not even tired. Are they going to be there? I miss them.”

My chest squeezes shut. I knew these questions would be coming again. She is too little to understand what’s happened to our parents and they aren’t ever coming back. In some ways that’s better, better she didn’t see them die and doesn’t understand. CeCe doesn’t get that death is forever, permanent, she doesn’t even know what forever means and has little concept of time. To her, a day can be forever.

River pats her on the head, “You’ll see them again someday, little one.”

That answer seems to satisfy her, at least for now, and she takes another bite of pizza. I wish it were that simple. Heaven is pretty far away and if we live to be old and gray, that is a long time to wait to see our parents again. At least, we get to have Max back. I can’t wait to see him.

“Scoot to the edge of the bed so I can take care of your foot,” says Slade.

He is much gentler than the bad wolf was, as he cleans my foot with some antiseptic spray, and then wraps it in a clean bandage. Every time I wince, he tells me he’s sorry and I believe him. It hurts a lot but I don’t cry, I’ve cried enough already.  It’s time I start being that brave and strong girl Mom said I was on the night the rogue killed her. I want to make her proud of me.

“Are you going to make me drink your blood now?” I ask him.

I don’t really want to drink wolfblood again, but it did make my cheek feel better last time. And if this green-eyed wolf, asks me to do it, I would for him without a fight.

He stills, my foot still in his hand, as I know my question has caught him off guard. “Is that what the rogue made you do?”

I nod, “And he cut my cheek with a knife to cut away the infection before he rubbed it with clay to make it quit bleeding.”

I shudder at that memory. I can still feel the burn of the whiskey, the fiery pain of the blade against my broken skin before I passed out.

“What else did he make you do?” asks Slade gently.

He carefully finishes the wrapping on my foot before he begins to put the supplies back into the bag. Across the room, I know River also waits quietly to hear my answer. I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about all this just yet. I’m not sure I even understand what all happened to me since my sister and I were kidnapped by the crazy rogue who murdered our parents. But when I look down at Slade, I feel like I can tell him anything and I shouldn’t be ashamed.

I let out a deep breath, “He made me eat worms. And meat that wasn’t cooked… He wouldn’t let us eat or drink much…He said some awful things about Mom…and he…he killed…a bunch of people when I tried to get help.”

That last confession makes me feel the worst. I feel the sting of fresh tears that I refuse to let fall. Those memories of the killings at the gas station, cut me almost as deeply as the ones from the night at our farmhouse on Cherry Tree Lane. But I can’t deal with them or that pain anymore right now. I force myself to think of anything else. Like how green Slade’s eyes are in the sun, how nice his smile is, when he actually does it.

“That wasn’t your fault, Sloane. Nothing the rogue did was your fault,” he tells me.

I want to believe him, but I can’t. Those people would still be alive if I’d only done what the bad wolf told me and kept my mouth shut.

“What about the rope? Why did he tie you up?” he continues.

I’m surprised at how my mouth keeps moving, telling him things that hurt my heart. He is practically a stranger and a wolf too.

“When he fell asleep in the shack, I tried to get CeCe away from him. But he caught us and well, tied me up so I wouldn’t run away from him again…”

“That was very brave of you,” says Slade.

Or very stupid, I think in my head. No good came out of it. At least we were rescued in the end. I wish I could have been strong enough to save us or kill the wolf myself. I made the rogue a promise I didn’t keep.

My eyes go down to the pattern of carpet on the floor. River walks over and hands me a paper plate with a piece of pizza on it. I thank him and nibble a bite though I no longer feel hungry. CeCe goes back to watching her cartoons with a juice box in hand. River moves her chair closer to the TV so she can see better. Her purple dress now has some tomato sauce on it. I let my eyes catch the kid’s show playing, though I don’t really pay much attention to it.

Slade stands up and sets the medical bag aside. Then he takes a seat on the other side from me.

“Sloane?”

I turn to look at him. The pizza sits in a lump in my stomach, but I force myself to chew and swallow down another bite. He has my attention now, and I can tell he struggles to get the next words out. He swallows hard.

“Did the rogue do other things to you…things that might be even harder to talk about?”

I understand what he’s getting at.  Mom has talked to me about this kind of stuff and so has school. We learned about the uh oh feeling and consent, about okay touches and bad ones. I can tell by his face, the wolf doesn’t really want to talk about this anymore than I do, but he feels like he needs to ask. My cheeks blush and I shake my head.

“If you would feel more comfortable, you can talk about it with the pack healer instead. She’ll need to look both of you over, when we get there,” comes River’s voice from across the room.

I don’t really feel like being poked and prodded anymore, but I understand my foot has to be taken care of. My cheek is already healing from what I can tell, the scabs itch. I’m curious about this pack healer and what kinds of medicine they use. They are used to treating wolves, but what about humans?

“He said he claimed me as his mate…but he never…did anything like that…he said I needed to be trained and taught how to obey and be a good mate first…” I offer, though my cheeks turn even more scarlet as I explain.

Slade lets out a breath and I see the relief on his face, “Okay. We don’t have to talk about it anymore. Finish your pizza. We’d like to be on the road soon.”

I don’t say anything else about it and they don’t ask. For that I’m grateful. I finish one slice but can’t stomach another. I have some water while the wolves pack up and load the gear into the Jeep. I make sure CeCe uses the bathroom before we go. Then I make sure she is properly buckled into the car seat that’s now strapped in the backseat. For a little girl who claimed she wasn’t tired, she’s out like a light not long after take off down the dark highway. I don’t like the dark anymore, but I don’t let the wolves know I’m afraid. They promised me they would protect me and CeCe, and the rogue is dead. I want to believe them, and I don’t want to be scared anymore.  But that’s easier said than done as the night is dark and I can hardly see. At least the moon shines bright above. I shiver when I think what will happen when it turns full, and CeCe and I live with a werewolf pack.

The rest of the road trip passes mostly quiet, except for the sounds of CeCe’s little snores, and River asking me if I need anything back here about every ten minutes, or if I’m too hot or too cold. Slade is quiet again as if he’s used up all his words. I’m too nervous to sleep myself, as I fret over what lies ahead. I don’t want to live with a werewolf pack.  I’ve seen the things the wolfs can do and if they turn on us, one silver knife won’t be enough to stop them.  I want to go home, but I know that isn’t possible either with Mom and Dad gone. I just want this all to be over and things to go back to the way they were before the monster found us.

We eventually come to a road that snakes through a forest on one side and the ocean on the other. I would admire the pretty view if pure terror didn’t wash over me.  In spite of myself, my breaths come out too quickly making my head feel fuzzy and my heart feels as though it’s going to come out of my chest.  River reaches into the back seat and finds my hand.

“It’s alright Sloane. There’s nothing to be afraid of out here, I promise. You’re safe here and no one will hurt you,” soothes River.

But too many bad things have already happened to me and CeCe in the woods. Wolves are animals and they can’t always control themselves and their urges. I pull my knees up and hug them. I can feel my heart pounding against my knee.

“I…I…want to go home…please don’t make me go in there…” I plead.

Slade pulls the vehicle over and comes to a stop. He unbuckles his seat belt and turns to face me. My cries have awoken up CeCe and her wide eyes glow in the moonlight. It doesn’t make me feel any better. My sister is one of them. One day she’ll grow fangs and fur and tear through the woods killing things.  I’m all alone now. An outsider who doesn’t belong among the wolves. And they’ll rip out my throat or leave me to die all alone in the woods.

“Do you see those stars?” Slade points up to the sky through the windshield.

I can’t see much of anything at the moment as my vision grows hazy. River tells me to take slow, deep breaths, but I can’t. Slade gets out of the Jeep, comes around, and opens my door. I can’t understand what he’s doing as he takes off the shoe on my right foot, then the left one. I push against his chest when he pulls me out and puts my bare feet against the ground. This is where he will leave me behind, the weakest member of the pack, to be eaten by the monsters that lurk in the shadows. I grab onto his shirt instead of pushing him away. Tears stream down my cheeks. River tries to console CeCe who now cries in the backseat. Slade slips off his boots and socks and I fear he’s going to shift into his wolf. Will he hunt me down the way the bad wolf did?

“Please don’t leave me out here.”

“I’m not leaving you, but Sloane look at me. Feel the grass beneath your feet. Feel the wind on your skin. Take a deep breath of the fresh air. Feel the light of the moon,” his voice is hypnotic.

I feel a sense of calm and peace start to wash over me as I look at him. As I feel the blades of grass against my skin, feel the light of the moon shine down upon me, the wind caressing my hair.

He smiles, “That’s right. Nice and easy breaths just like that. Do you know what our kind believes about the stars?”

I shake my head then follow his gaze up to the sky.

“We believe when a wolf falls in battle or protecting the pack, the wolf is granted a place of honor near the moon. We release the wolf’s spirit back to the sky, where they turn into the stars, which watch over us all and keep the moon company.”

I wipe at my eyes and take in the stars that light up the dark night, “Do only wolves turn into stars?”

“I think the moon makes exceptions for some of its other children too. Those who die with honor and great courage. I’m sure your parents have earned their own place among the moon for giving their lives to protect their own pack.”

I suck in a sharp breath. I like the thought of my parents, watching over me and CeCe, of being stars that burn brightly and beautifully. I hope they have found peace. And I’m not scared anymore. I feel at peace. I follow Slade back into the Jeep and I watch the stars follow us into the woods with a smile.