Forty

CHAPTER 40

GLENN

The door closed and a man walked in, he had the color of his hair —Santiago.

For a long moment, I watched the couples as they walked past where I was holding hands, deep in my heart I felt that thud birthed by the loneliness I was succumbing to on a daily basis.

Closing my eyes I sighed deeply, it had been one month since I left the city and While I had thought that it would help me get over whatever feeling I had for him, it made it worse.

It seemed to me as though I had gone against the will of the universe and all it was doing was making sure I faced a hell of a time for my mistake .

I still thought about him, the best times we had. The worst. The—

"Can you make it snappy?"

I drifted back to reality, apologizing to the woman right in front of where I was.

Recently, I just got the job as a storekeeper to keep the bills running, most times I had thought about going back home but at the moment, home seemed like something that was nonexistent.

Where would I call home after all, with Santi who was probably with Martha at the moment or with my father who threw things out.

The whole idea came with a lot of pain, enough that I couldn't stop myself from crying most times.

I must say I had gotten used to life with Santiago, so much that the thought of him filled my mind as if possessed by his entirety.

He was all I thought about for this past one month, it is funny how you I thought leaving was the best thing for me to do at the moment yet finding out how wrong I was.

Still I Couldn't help feeling that unrest that came with his absence—

The mere reminder of the good times we had made me warm everywhere, though I knew it shouldn’t be, knowing it would only cause my heart more pain.

It was funny that after all this while my feelings toward him were still unwithered, and annoying to even myself as I went to bed in my cheap apartment cuddling my pillow and thinking about him.

A part of me wanted to forget him forever but I couldn’t seem to be able to do that with him.

At least I didn't have to hide my insanity every full moon as a secret any longer and to me it was the best way

My shift ended after a long tiring day and made my stop at the coffee store for a latte before heading to my apartment.

The long walk home was quiet, too quiet than it usually was.

The clock said ten p. m. when I got home, by then I was so tired that I didn't see myself making dinner. Instead, I flipped on the switch to the kitchen and looked around at its state.

I had woken up late that morning and dashed out without taking due care to clean it up. A few minutes later I was dragging the bin outside and emptying it in the trash cans near the low walls that were full of bags.

I forced myself to have a bath and not sooner have I done that before I’d fallen asleep still smelling him all over the room like he was ever present.

I could feel him everywhere, and shit my eyes to bury the thought that had filled my chest, but still it wasn't departing.

There was that prickling sense of unease —at my inability to be able to get over him as anxiety and so many other anonymous feelings filled my soul and seeped under the crevices of my heart.

How hard was it to find sleep—I found myself speaking his name as my eyelids closed.

****

It was foreglow when I tossed restlessly for the last time, yawning as I opened my eyes.

Already, the early sun rays, though still shining weakly, were finding the room.

It was hard to explain, but there was that feeling that today might be different —perhaps it was the fact that the air was filled with expectation as I took every bit of it in.

Still wiping that bit of drowsiness away from my eyes with the back of my palm, I looked around still tired as the morning breeze flowed through the curtained window.

I lay in his bed for five minutes listening to the tick of the clock at my bedside and the sounds of the mockingbird outside my window as I let the cold seep through my skin as I dragged my breath.

I got up and dragged my feets to the window, I closed the window and padded toward the bathroom before heading out.

I stood a while at the terminal waiting for the bus that took me to work and was just about thinking that I had missed it like yesterday when I saw it round the corner.

I inhaled in relief, but it was short-lived to find it already filled up as it drove past.

"Guess we would have to walk to work again today. " I muttered underneath my breath.

A bikeman drove past almost hitting me and I cursed crazily.

I stopped at my regular latte store, as it turned out drinking latte's was one of the habits I picked up from him and as it seemed as though it had become addictive or perhaps it was another way to stay connected to him.

I arrived at work soon enough, and swayed down the hall to change into my uniform—

Right in front of the door soon as I opened was the tall figure of my boss.

"Good morning —"

"Skip the greetings." He interrupted, a bit pissed. " You are late again."

"I am Sorry, I missed the bus ."

"Wasn't that the same excuse you gave yesterday." He asked.

" It won't happen again. "

" It better not. "

He Stormed away and I was left alone sighing in relief.

I walked to the counter as fast as I could with a napkin, ready to start my job for the day.

"Good morning, Anna."

"Good morning." Anna replies with a smile.

"Sorry, for not covering up for you, didn't expect he'd be around so early and you know how he is."

I turned to my co-worker. " It is fine, I didn't really get into any trouble. "

"Did you dream about him again last night? " Anna asked, supporting her jaw with her two palms.

She was the only other person here that knew a bit about my past with Santi other than myself.

" Not really, I —"

The rest of the words were filled in my chest as a familiar scent filled the air.

"This can't be?"

"What are you talking about?" Anna asked.

We both turned slowly as the door jingled.