Chapter 180

"The moment you had asked me to leave, I had made up my mind to live on my own, without any help especially from you. That decision was never the result of my hate towards you but of my courage to completely forget you.

Despite the pain that I had to endure from that day, I was decisive enough to bury my hopeful feelings and thoughts about us to forgetfulness. The old man had never showed up since that night and I felt that it was just right to abandon the hope that he put in my heart. 

I started to convince myself that you made me leave because you no longer wanted to suffer from my distressing presence.

I had to feed my mind with painful and saddening thoughts for me to forget you. That's the only way I could survive living without you.

The more my heart made me feel that we're actually destined to be together, the deeper my longing would be. That's terribly painful.

Missing you with the thought that I could nev