Lost

"From him I learned to love in tears, slowly letting go even though I don't know how to be patient when the sky falls again destroying hope and intention."

Dersik caressed Haziya's face, when his foot stepped on the first floor of the granite mosque after climbing the stairs, he immediately felt cool and calm. The wind rustled from the gap in the glass window, getting into the mosque which has two floors, the calming air was felt.

The blue-domed mosque called Masjid At Taqarrub is never quiet, it is located in a busy shopping area visited by worshipers who want to pray and the children appear to be on the right side of the mosque. They are studying regularly every afternoon. In addition to providing Early Childhood Education, the mosque which was formerly known as the Phep Mosque also has library facilities, the Bilal room, the Imam's room and meeting rooms, as well as the secretariat office. The wuzu places for women and men are also separated.

Haziya immediately stood in the row to perform worship after putting on the mukena. Some of the women next to him also started to align the rows when Tengku Imam finished Iqamah. In the row of men, Shabir was also performing the Asr prayer. The two of them deliberately waited for the call to prayer when passing the mosque in Trienggadeng on their way home from Bireuen.

Haziya has been staying at Shabir's brother's house for three days because there is a walimah celebration. Actually, Haziya's intention was only to attend on the day of the party because it was quite a distance to ride a motorcycle, plus the conditions were different now. Entering eight weeks pregnant Haziya felt a change. Dizziness and nausea every morning, mood swings and quick emotions.

"Don't make excuses, your stomach is still not bloated. Don't embarrass my family, if you don't go don't ever invite us when there's a feast at your house."

"Help them cook, clean up. Do what you can, don't make excuses for being sick."

Haziya could no longer refuse, she must have been given the reason her stomach hurt a little. However, his father-in-law thought he was playing. As a result, the day before the party he arrived at Shabir's cousin's house, forced himself to cook and help the host. Even the day after the party he still had to help clean up. Mrs. Karni and Lathifah and her husband had returned home yesterday afternoon with the excuse that Lathifah could not leave her child who is still in elementary school for too long with her in-laws.

"Shall we eat first, Derek?" said Shabir as the two of them had just exited the parking lot.

"Brother hungry? Yes, at the shop near here."

"Your face looks pale, let's just rest first. Her waist still hurts?" Shabir stroked the waist of Haziya who was wrapped in a gray skirt. Previously, Haziya had complained that her waist felt cramped, so they stopped several times for a while, not forcing their way home.

"Tomorrow if there is an event like this, we'll just take the car."

"But Bang, the fare is expensive, Mother said," said Haziya with a sad expression on her face when she remembered what Mrs. Karni had said the night before they left. Haziya had tried to ask permission to travel by bus or L300 only, but Mrs. Karni forbade it. He said it was more economical to ride a motorbike. Shabir couldn't argue, because if he didn't do what his mother said he was constantly scolded.

***

Arunika looked bright, after cleaning up Haziya's room she went straight to the kitchen. Yesterday Shabir had bought the cooking ingredients, so he didn't need to go to the market anymore. Her husband is still bathing, he deliberately doesn't wash his clothes first so that after he is tidy, the food can be served immediately.

"Ziya, make lunch for Aca, yes, I don't have time to cook. This is Riko who has been fussy since last night, I woke up late, where the rice is running out. Mom said just come here, because yesterday Shabir bought a lot of side dishes."

Haziya was dumbfounded in front of the dining table she had just laid out with several menus. Starting from disambelin tempe, omelette, chicken soup, and fish to add nutrition for the fetus. Lathifah picked up without waiting for approval, the woman who came suddenly without greeting immediately took a few pieces of tempeh and fish to put in the lunch box.

"Aca likes chicken soup, is there plastic?" Haziya had to shift when Lathifah came to the kitchen, luckily she didn't slip due to her sister-in-law's encouragement, her hand managed to hold on to the corner of the chair.

"Sorry, I'm in a hurry!" said goodbye to Lathifah after carrying ekal. Haziya sighed harshly, it was useless if she forbade Lathifah not to take much. It's not that it's not sincere, there are still chicken thighs to make soup and one more tempeh board, but re-cooking is a bit of an objection considering it's almost eight o'clock.

Shabir comes into the kitchen, his face is clean and his clothes are so neat. Even though he only traded in a building shop, Shabir always paid attention to appearances.

"Why, Dek? How do you feel when you hear Sis Lathif's voice?" Shabir pulled up the stool, smelled the fragrance of appetizing.

"Yeah, I came here to pick--"

"Just let it go, I'll buy a lot later. Come sit near my brother." Shabir took Haziya's hand and led her to sit on the chair he had pulled out.

"What do you want to feed your brother?"

"Brother just eat, don't be late later." Haziya didn't want Mrs. Karni to accuse her again of deliberately detaining Shabir for being late in selling just because he vomited a lot in the morning so Shabir waited for him to get better.

"Bang, it's nine weeks, are we going to have another ultrasound, because ...."

"You don't need an ultrasound at all, what do you want to feed your child later if you can't save?"

"It's not like that, Mom, it's okay to have a free ultrasound. Tomorrow morning--"

"Do you want him to not sell in the morning? Have to queue at the hospital, the shop is closed?"

Haziya looked down, she was completely wrong.

"Mom, don't be angry, let's eat first!" Shabir mediates between the two. "What if tomorrow's mother will accompany them?"

Haziya was silent waiting for Mrs. Karni's answer, however she wanted to refuse it would still be the same.

"Okay, I'll accompany you tomorrow."

Shabir smiled as he stroked his wife's palm. "Brother, go first, you be careful at home."

"Okay, Bang. Be careful on the road." Haziya led Shabir to the terrace without forgetting to kiss her husband's hand.

"You don't have to stay there for long, quickly clean up the dining table. Wash the dishes, I don't want to have grandchildren, my mother will be lazy!" hardik Bu Karni put her hands on her hips.

"Fine, ma'am."

***

Haziya looked at herself in the mirror, the polished baby powder and a little bit of lipstick. Haziya's appearance was always simple, she didn't demand that Shabir buy expensive grooming kits. I used to buy skincare once, but Bu Karni found out. After receiving a reprimand for being labeled a waste of money, Haziya no longer forced the situation.

Mrs. Karni was also prepared to accompany her to the nearest hospital for an ultrasound. They deliberately left at seven so as not to be late in taking the queue number. Shabir had been to the shop five minutes ago. Haziya rides Mrs. Karni.

"What's the number already?" asked Mrs. Karni feeling stifled that she had waited too long. "We've been sitting here for over an hour, ask when we're being called?"

"One more number, ma'am. Ziya just asked." Haziya hid her embarrassment from being stared at by a married couple on the waiting bench, as she got up several times and approached the nurse to ask questions.

"Mom, Haziya!"

The two immediately stood up when the nurse called from the front door of the room.

"Let's check from the bottom, shall we?" Permission Mr. Doctor wants to confirm the examination just now. Haziya could only nod, when the transducer was placed on her stomach, the doctor didn't say anything. Her heart was constantly praying that the fetus she was carrying was fine.

"How about it, doc?" asked Haziya after being invited to sit down.

"Is my grandson all right, doc?" Haziya was stunned, glancing at the serious-looking in-laws asking. Although Mrs. Karni is often fierce to her, it turns out that she cares for the grandson who is still in her womb. Haziya hopes to have a good relationship with her mother-in-law.

"Sorry, ma'am, the fetus is not developing. Please be patient, ma'am."

Haziya's blue sky suddenly collapsed, drizzling rain pressed against her clear eyes.

"No way, doc. He was still moving last night, really."

Haziya still couldn't believe she would lose so soon. He had not had time to enjoy the rainbow after the rain had stopped, but now the storm had again dropped his hopes and intentions.

Is it really that hard to be happy?