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I've told myself several times that I should be able to fight back, shouldn't let myself sit back while people feel entitled to my life and control me as much as they like. I've done this many times, and scolded myself. Cursing myself, but nothing has changed.

I'm still that kind of woman, even when I feel free, I still don't realize that there are many people behind me controlling me like their puppets. Like a scared caged cat doing self-protection, I couldn't do anything but hug myself in a corner, and then let someone stroke my chin and comfort me.

I don't want to do that anymore. I want to stand alone, and fight whatever they all have planned for me.

I want to be brave and also be firm with myself so that they don't control me around like I can't do anything on my own.

And because of that I always have a very big envy of my twins. And I want to be her. She never let our father or anyone else control her. Standing beside me is like the bold side of me that never existed with her co