Chapter 9: Second Thoughts

"Anna, hello. I was just thinking about you," said Ethan when he picked up his phone.

"Hi Ethan. I've been thinking about you, too," Anna answered in a shaky voice.

"What's wrong? I sense a 'but' coming next in that sentence," Ethan said, concerned.

"Well, it's not anything I want to talk about over the phone. Can you meet me for dinner tomorrow at Tony's? I think we need to talk."

"Yes, of course," Ethan answered reluctantly. He sensed there was something very wrong in Anna's voice. "Will around seven work for you? Or I could pick you up earlier …"

"Seven will work, thanks. I'll just meet you there again, if that's okay," answered Anna.

"Yes, that's fine. I guess I'll see you then."

"See you then. Take care, bye Ethan," Anna said, quickly hanging up the call. She winced and let out a deep breath, knowing she had worried him and most likely hurt his feelings. This was going to be hard. She'd have to stay strong.

She looked down at Sammy, still sitting contently in her lap. "You're so lucky, nothing in life is hard for you," she said aloud as a tear fell from her eye.

***

Anna pulled into the parking lot of Tony's Italian Cuisine feeling nervous again, but it wasn't the same feeling as she'd had when she had arrived at that same restaurant for her first date with Ethan. This time, she felt a sense of dread at having to break off the relationship. She remained convinced that Ethan wasn't really interested in her the way she had originally thought, and constantly reminding herself of that gave her a twinge of courage to go through with it.

This time she had made the reservations herself and arrived early so she could be there before him. She didn't want to sit at the romantic, dimly lit booth in the back. Instead, she'd reserved a table near the front that would feel more like a business meeting.

"Anna, hello. You look lovely, as always," Ethan greeted her as the hostess brought him to the table.

"Hi, you look great, too. You always look great." She tried to smile politely but couldn't manage much of a smile.

Ethan sat down at the table and the hostess left.

"Well, this certainly feels different from our other dates," Ethan observed. "What is it you need to talk about?"

"It's us. Well, there's not really an us, but I just need to stop this almost an us business before there is an us," Anna blurted out, barely understanding what she had just said herself.

"Okay," Ethan said, slowly elongating the word. "What's brought this on? Is it something I said or did?"

"No. No, it's not you. It's me. I just can't do this again," she said, fighting back tears.

Ethan looked confused, but he fought to regain his composure, his face shifting into a look of concern. "Anna, what is it? What has happened that changed what we were building together? What is it that you can't do again?" he asked.

"I … I just can't go through the pain again. It's all starting again, and I just don't have the strength for it." Anna realized that it sounded like she was babbling, but she couldn't find the words to explain how she felt. "I just need some time. I'm not ready."

"Anna, I could never rush you into anything you're not ready for. If this all feels too sudden for you, I understand. Let's slow down a bit so you're more comfortable," said Ethan. He wanted to be understanding with her, but he really couldn't understand why she had changed so suddenly.

"Are we ready to order?" asked the young waitress as she walked up to the table. She instantly noticed the tension and nearly walked backward away from the table. "I'm sorry, I can come back," she said, starting to walk away.

"No, that's fine," said Ethan, calling her back. "Can you get us a couple of lasagna plates to go, please?" He remembered how much she had enjoyed the dish on their first date.

"Yeah, sure," the waitress said, then hurried away.

"I really don't think I could eat a bite," said Anna, fighting back tears.

"You'll be hungry later. I just want to be sure you have something," Ethan explained.

"Thank you," said Anna. "I know it's hard to understand. I can't even explain it. I just need more time right now, that's all," she added.

"It's okay, Anna," he answered. "We have all the time in the world."

"I'm sorry," she said.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Anna," said Ethan.

When the waitress returned with the meals packaged to go, Ethan paid the check and they left the restaurant. He walked her to her car.

"I'm sorry," she said once again.

"Don't be, Anna. We're just slowing things down a bit to make you comfortable. Are you okay to drive? I could take you …"

"I'm fine," she answered, cutting him off. "I'm okay."

She got into her car and gave him half a wave. She couldn't bear to look at him anymore with all the tears running down her face. She started the car and drove away, leaving him standing in the parking lot. He paused for a few minutes trying to figure out what had happened, then drove himself home.

***

"I don't get it, either, Ethan," said Rick later that night as they sat out on deck outside his farmhouse, each with a glass of scotch. "But I'll tell you one thing. You ARE hiding something from her. She's a smart woman, and she can sense that. Who knows what she's imagining? In her head, you could be a serial killer or something. I'm telling you, keeping this from her is keeping you both apart."

"You're right. But now how do I tell her now? She needs some time, and all I can do is give it to her. I can't just blurt out everything about all this," he said, waving his arms around to indicate the farmland as he emphasized the word, "if she doesn't want to see me right now."

"Oh, that woman wants to see you, my friend," said Rick. "She wants to see you."

"Maybe, but I'm going to give her a couple of days. She has to work anyway, so I'll give her some time to think, and then I'll talk to her on the weekend," said Ethan, staring up at the stars and taking a sip of his scotch.