CHAPTER FOUR

BRYAN

I wake up by a kick to my ankle. It's very bright, it's morning.

“Dude wake up, can't believe you slept on the roof top” He says, laughing at my weird predicament.

Tired and unable to think I ask, “What's the time?”

“It's about 8am, there's no work today though, you can rest all you want man”

“Ugh, I have to get back to my place” I say, very tired.

I make it back into Mike's apartment and get my things, I don't even take a shower. The elevator ride down feels like forever, but I finally make it down.

I walk back to the hospital and over to the parking lot where my car is parked, and I head home.

On the way home I can't help but think of everything Mike said. And my thoughts lingers back to my mum.

She was only 18 when she was married to my dad, and it was for his money, neither of them cared about building a strong foundation for their marriage. Dad wanted a woman to have sex with and bear him children, and Mum wanted a rich man to have children with. It worked out well for both of them, except, there was still no foundation. You would expect that a couple spending time together would learn to love and trust each other. But there was still no love, trust, faith, no happiness. And surprisingly, neither of them cared. Mum was happy with the money and Dad was happy having someone who would agree to sex whenever he wanted. That was the basis of their marriage. Money and Sex.

Until one day, we were headed to the Cinema for a movie, and mom died. Car accident. The accident took alot from me, one of them, being my mother.

My father suffered partial paralysis, but it was not permanent. And in a few months, he was back on his feet, chasing women and having sex again.

That was when I realized that my mother meant nothing to him. To be fair, he must have also meant nothing to her, seeing as the basis of the union was not in any way, Love.

So it had always been like that for me most of my life. I made sure to make enough money, and I don't promise any girl that comes my way anything but that money, and sex of course, I have A LOT of sex. So practically, I do date, but it's not the breathtaking kind of dating. It's dating for specific needs.

But I'm aging, and sometimes I think I want companionship, my apartment feels too large for one man, and it sure has gathered familiarity with too many women, so sometimes, I want the feeling of coming back to just one person, one person that I know, one person that I understand, one person that I trust, one person that I love.

But that word is the problem. Love. I don't know what it is, I don't know how to Love. And I don't know how to commit.

I'm deep in thought when I realize I've just gone past my apartment, and I laugh hard at myself. It's a sad laugh that says: You're so pathetic Bryan.

I park my car, head in, take a shower and binge watch “Grey's Anatomy” before I go to bed.