BRYANI sit on the floor, among broken glass wares, struggling not to rethink my decision, and apparently failing, as I begin to weigh the pros and cons once again, and again and over again, but it's all still coming to one conclusion. I have to go.My awareness of the space around me reduces very badly, and I feel tight and enclosed. I take two deep breaths, and make my way to my feet, calmly and very silently, as I clean up the mess I made. And I decide to go to Mike's, to let him know my decision, and also to explain to him.********Mike's apartment is locked, so I decide to wait for him on the roof. I subconsciously open the door and drag my feet across the concrete floor, and then my eyes meet the hair of a familiar person. Diana. She's relaxed on chair, gently sipping her drink, and completely unaware that she has company.I contemplate going to her a few times, just before I have the courage to walk to her.“Miss Walter.”“Oh my, I'm so sorry I just needed fresh air, and I__”
DIANAThe last time I set my eyes on Bryan was about a week ago, on the roof top. While something in me wished he had followed me and plead for a way to make things work, another part of me did not want to see an inch of him and was ready to punch him in the face [or groin] if he had even tried to stop me. Either way, what can I say? I've been good... NOT. Yh, I've not been good. On some days or random occasions, the tears just flow, so easily, and for the stupidest reason being a guy. I only console myself with reason that everybody goes through things like this, and it's okay to let the tears out, no use caging your emotions.My life has always been enclosed by walls, walls to protect me of what I went through as a little girl, walls to protect me from men like my father, and to protect me from being as fragile as my mother. I let those walls down for Bryan, because it just made sense, it made sense to be loved and allow yourself be loved, but now nothing makes sense.You know how
BRYANMy drive back home from the so called family meeting was in a state of haze, I might have kept my cool back at the family house, but I was absolutely fuming. Once again, I keep my anger and frustration to myself, and no one notices, because it has always been like this, just me and my emotions, bottled up even so much so that I myself don't pay attention to what I feel.********My flight for Maine leaves early tomorrow, so I decide to say my final goodbyes to Mike and maybe, most hopefully, Diana.I pack my things and get them ready for the next day, and in the process of packing, I find Diana's hair pin in my closet. It's a little pin, just a little pin, and it shouldn't mean anything, but for the first time in the many years of my life, that pin brought back so many memories, and it arose many emotions. Emotions that are making me weigh pros and cons once again, but I shake them off with a chuckle.I bought the pin for Diana on one of our many numerous dates to my favorite pl
DIANAAnd in the blink of an eye, almost literally, the 21st is here, and I'm not as enthusiastic as I was to go on the vacation anymore. Seeing Daniel and Miss LA girlfriend is just not appealing, they are cute, but not so much so when I'm trying to get over my ex. So now they just make me want to puke, but in a cute way. Sigh.By 6am, we are on the road to South California, and I'm having none of it. The roads are bumpy, the whole place is foggy and these two love birds in front are jamming and singing along to fucking love songs. “I wonder why we had to go this fucking early, the trip isn't even more than two hours you know.” I protest.Daniel's LA girlfriend stretches her neck to view me as I shout from the back seat, and I squeeze my eyes and purse my lips to make a “What?” face in her direction, without saying anything.“Ignore her Mira, Diana is just always cranky in the mornings, and also hates to travel by road, bumpy ones most especially.” Daniel defends, only, I don't know
BRYANFirst of all, Wow. Wow because the weather here is not what I at all imagined. I literally had to rush to the nearest convenience store on landing here to get padded jackets, it's so cold. And quite sadly, I haven't had my car brought here yet, I'm giving it some time, so public transport has been the go to way.Maine is small, and from what I've seen, has less job opportunities and quite a higher cost of living, which is one of the reasons this job was very exclusive. Work has been particularly hectic, I literally never worked like this in my life, and it's only been few days. There have been back to back surgeries, researches, meetings and paper work, and I'm only given a few hours break, I barely get time to talk to anyone, which is the only reason why I haven't even tried to call Diana. I don't feel like I should talk about Diana, but what else occupies my thoughts these days? What else has occupied my thoughts for the past few months?Everything reminds me of her. And it
DIANAAlmost like God himself wants me here, the management called to inform me that all staff were given a two week break from work due to some company policy, and that gave me extra two weeks here. So I'm total, I've been here for two weeks now, and I have one week left before the sadness that is LA envelopes me. Or maybe it's just the loneliness that comes with Bryan not being in my life, either way, LA has sadness waiting to envelope me.I and Adrian have been getting along pretty well. It took him about three nights to completely show me around the place like he promised. After that, we've pretty much only texted on phone.Until yesterday, he texted:_“Hey Diana, I'm sorry we've not been hanging out so much, I know I promised you that your remaining time here would be amazing, and I still stand my ground on that. So what do you say about dinner tomorrow? 7pm. I would pick you up at the cafe. Expecting your positive response!”_Before I could reply, I showed Denise the text, she
DIANAI should love this for myself, I should love the way things are going. But I feel so uneasy, I'm trying not to blame it on the call Bryan put through, and how he's literally now in my head. I wanted this, I wanted to get my mind of Bryan, and I wanted to use someone else, I found my someone else, and yet it's not working. I was excited to have sex, the perfect person has come by, the perfect moments, but it still feels all wrong.I look down at my chest, spotting the locket Bryan gifted to me, I caress it with my thumb. Most original present I've ever received, it's pretty little and fashionable, so I wear it all the time, I shower with it and do literally everything with it, and the gold still hasn't washed off in any way, infact it glistens more with every bath I have.My attention returns back to Adrian. The words “I can't do this” or “Please can we head back?” are at the tip of my tongue, but the little smiles Adrian chips in at me from time to time on the ride to his place
BRYANIt's been two hectic months here in Maine, two months of heavy traffic, numerous work researches, tiring surgical procedures, different people, and two months of trying to adjust to the lifestyle here in Maine. Two months without communication with Diana, and very few conversations with Mike. Actually, Mike is the only person keeping me sane, in the sense that he gives me little information about Diana, like when she cut her hair a bit shorter and got it straightened, and he sneaked a picture in for me.Or when she looked absolutely stunning on make-up she put on for a colleagues house warming party. Which got me absolutely worked up, because I definitely believed it was a date, until Mike convinced me with pictures. Mike also keeps me going with encouragement of course, even though I keep lying to him that it's amazing over here.Sometimes I can't believe things feel like this, I probably should have made my research before coming here, but I was so engrossed in wanting to be