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Pain and grief
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PRETEND YOU MINE The smoke
I sat up and looked over at Brynne. She slept. In a comfortable guest bed, in her father's modern house, in a very nice suburb of San Francisco, my girl slept. She was crushed inside her heart, but for now she rested. She was unburdened from the grief for the moment.I couldn't let her out of my sight for more than a few hours, so leaving Lon- don and going to the States for her father's funeral without me was out of the question. What if they tried to take her on American soil? No, I couldn't risk the possibility. This was a day-by-day, hour-by-hour operation. Keeping Brynne safe was my greatest priority now, Olympics be damned. Neil was back in London stepping in for me, and between him and Frances, they'd keep the business ma- chine running. I wasn't troubled at all about my job. No, my worries were much, much bigger and vastly more terrifying.I hoped to shed some light on what had happened to Tom on this trip but didn't hold out much hope. Either way, I wasn't going down without
PRETEND YOU MINE The warning
I think the Afghans experimented on me to see what all the fuss was about with waterboarding. It wasn't their preferred method, that's for sure. Winching me up by the arms and shredding my back was their favorite. That and depriv- ing me of sleep for what seemed like weeks at a time. The mind does crazy shit when there is no rest for the cogs. I looked up at the stars and thought of her. My mum. She was an angel up there somewhere. I knew this. Spirituality is deeply personal and I needed no other confirmation of what I believed other than what I knew to be real inside my heart. She was up there watching over me somehow and was with me when they were going to cut off myNope. Not going to that fucked-up horror right now. Later....I got up quickly and stubbed out my second ciggie. I tucked the butts back in the pack and went inside my father-in-law's nice American modern house. I'd never speak to him again, but ironically, one of the most important conver sations I'd ever had, when we
PRETEND YOU MINE Want to take you home
BRINLEY'S POV I was relieved when Ethan returned to me from wherever he'd been. I needed him, and everything seemed easier to bear when he was near. It made me very weak, which I despised in myself, but I couldn't help it, and was too exhausted to care. He was the only lifeline I had here. I wanted to go back home. Lon- don-home.He had two plates of food with him when he walked up."I brought you a little bit of everything." he said."Oh, thanks... but I'm not hungry at all. I can't eat that." I looked at the fruit and the croissant sandwich.He frowned and set his jaw. I knew I was in for an argument. "You have to eat something. What've you had today besides a little tea?" Ile whispered. "Think of the baby...""You can't force someone to eat. Trust me, I know from experience."My mother's disdainful voice broke into our exchange. No sentiment of"Ethan's right. Brynne, you need to eat because your baby needs food even if you don't feel hungry." No "You're eating for two now, dear"
PRETEND YOU MINE Let me take care of you
Lance had been away at college, and I had been young and stupid. A long life- time ago. Another world ago. Did Karl know he was the reason Lance became angry enough to drug me, and then film his buddies using me on a pool table? If I'd never gone out with Karl, maybe Lance and his friends wouldn't have made the video of me at the party that night. The scenarios were endless. Woul- da, coulda, shoulda... Yeah, did me absolutely no good to go there."I heard about it from Jess, of course," he said, reaching an arm around her shoulders in a familiar affectionate gesture, "and I wanted to pay my respects in person." Jessica looked up at him with stars in her eyes. It didn't take a genius to see that my old friend had fallen hard for Karl Westman. He seemed very into her as well. I sincerely hoped it worked out for the two of them. They made a great couple.I forced a smile and did the best acting performance of my life. "I'm so happy to see you both. It's been far too long." Ethan drew me
PRETEND YOU MINE Worries and fear
"And I will be right with you every step of the way." I brought her hand up to my lips. "Promise.""How do you know about green-olive?" She actually smiled a little."I put Bump dot com in my favorites and check it religiously, just like you suggested. We have a green-olive this week, and next week we get a prune." I winked."I love you," she whispered very softly, and ran her hand through her hair."I love you too, my beauty. So very, very much."The attendant arrived with the hot towels and drink service. I got the wine, and Brynne got cranberry juice on ice. I waited until she took a sip. I didn't want to have to force-feed her, but would resort to persuasion tactics if I had to.To my surprise and relief she seemned to enjoy the cranberry juice."This tastes really, really nice." Another sip. "I'm picking up your words.""I can assure you that you still sound like my American girl, baby." "I know that, I mean I'm picking up the words you say, like saying 'thistastes nice' instead
PRETEND YOU MINE The wedding plans
"I slept for about three days straight once we got back to London. I needed it. and returning to my familiar surroundings did help a great deal," I told Dr. Roswell. "I'm starting the research project the university approved for me, and have good friends around me helping to plan this wedding." "How are the night terrors now that you are off the medication?" she asked. "It's inconsistent. I started having them again after I stopped the pills, but now that this stuff now that my dad has died—they've stopped again. Do you think it's because my mind is now full of something worse to take the place of what I dreamed before?"Dr. Roswell looked at me carefully and asked, "Is the death of your father worse than what happened to you when you were seventeen?"Whoa. Heavy question, that. And one I had never pondered before. My first urge was to say that of course, the death of my father was worse, but, if I was honest with myself, I don't think it was. I was an adult now and could see things w
PRETEND YOU MINE Arrange a meeting
Karl Westman: Hi there. I just logged in and saw your green dot. I've made it to London for the Games and hope we can reconnect while I'm in town. Just got in yesterday morning, actually. Still recovering from jet lag. :/ How are you? Karl... He'd found me on Facebook shortly after the funeral and we'd chatted a tiny bit since then. I remembered he said his company was sending him for the Games, and Jess had reminded me too. She was disappointed, really, that she wasn't able to come with him, as she was a huge sports fan. TheOlympics were her thing far more than they were mine. Still, having the Games of the XXX Olympiad in your home city is exciting stuff, no matter how you look at it.Brynne Bennett: Things are better... thanks. Where are you staying in Lon- don? Karl Westman: In Chelsea, of course! I'm not going to miss getting in my his- tory of Jimi while I'm here.Brynne Bennett: Ha! I remember. It's funny because Ethan's dad is taking me to lunch later today. He used to drive
PRETEND YOU MINE The terrifying news
Jonathan was quiet in the car while driving me to my studio shoot. He seemed to be thinking and I wondered... How did he feel about the nude modeling? What had Ethan told him about it? Had he ever seen any of my pic tures? I guess I wouldn't know if I didn't ask him, and that was something I didn't get into with people. My modeling was personal and not open to negoti- ation.In no time, it seemed, Jonathan pulled up to the address in Notting Hill and waited for me to enter the elegant white house that was hosting my photo shoot today. I waved to him as I went in, and then I was off to work, my focus shifting smoothly to what I'd been hired to do.The inane questions people ask during conversations are so ridiculous at times I wonder how I manage not to leap on the table and shout, "How can you be so fucking stupid and manage to still be breathing?!" Alas... I've learned to keep my flap shut even when it has pained me greatly to do so.I was just about to sneak in a much-needed nicotin
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