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Chapter 31
beware: a lot of angst & emotional trauma ahead.
also a little note, bear in my mind that while i did some research (thanks google) there are still a lot of stuff i don't know about medical research. so some of it is real while the others are on the fly. remember venus can read minds, so i think it's okay if things are a bit weird or unrealistic, yeah? that being said, i'm sorry if i made any crazy mind-boggling mistakes and offended anyone. i'm human okay, forgive me? thanks.━
Venus was trembling in his arms.
It was just a few minutes but it felt like an infinity before she stopped crying. Before he stopped crying—before they stopped crying.
Then Jules asked the question, even though he could still see the tears tracks on her face. Even though he could still taste his on his tongue. Even tho
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Venus wouldn't look at him, she just shrugged. "Take it however you deem fit.""Because you're...sick?" It was hard getting the word out. It felt like there was a huge ball wedged in his throat. He wanted to vomit but there was nothing in his stomach but heartbreak and pain."No," Venus said, after a few seconds. "Because I don't love you and I'm tired of pretending."The world fell silent for a second or maybe he just couldn't hear anymore, but then he could. He could hear her words clear as day in his head on repeat.I don't love you. I don't love you. I don't love you. "Oh." He might have said or breathed or cried or screamed.Oh.Jules lost his everything— but mostly his balance. Venus moved towards him quickly, touching him finally. She held onto his arm steadying him. It was instinct t
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Jules made it home in one piece.His fingers, his hands, his arm, his neck, everything felt hollow but still, he's breathing.Jace was seated on the steps of the porch. He was shirtless, barefoot and crying. Jules got out of the car slowly, he could hear his dad talking on the phone.He's back, Martha. Oh thank God, he's alright.Was he alright? Did he look alright? He certainly didn't feel alright. But he guessed considering everything - he was alright.Even though it felt like he had left a huge piece of him on the field with her. He was back home and in (one) piece(s). Jace looked grateful and so goddamn relieved.He realized then what it must have looked like to Jace. Wasn't it on a night like this that Jules had left the house with intent never to return?Jace didn't scold his son, he didn't try to be anythi
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Heartbreak. Heartbroken.The words felt childish to Jules. Something he would hear and immediately think of an actor or actress looking into the inside of an ice cream cup.Heartbreak. Heartbroken.But when he looked up the word this was what he found: Heartbroken —( a person) suffering from overwhelming distress.And he thought, fuck, that's me right there; I'm suffering, it's overwhelming. And distress, distress, distress.Jules didn't go to school for two days, all he did was forget to eat and never sleep. On day two he wondered what his father thought about his moping, as far as Jace knew no one had died, yet. But when he finally asked, he found out it was the weekend.It was so dumb that he had laughed out loud for the first time. Loud and crazy. He'd stopped pretty q
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Jules had been eagerly awaiting the fall break.But now that it was upon him, all he could think about was how empty he felt.If they did open heart surgery right now, on him, would his organs still be there, intact? Or would they find a bottomless pit instead?It seemed no matter how much air he dragged into his lungs. No matter how much food his father coaxed him to eat, it was never enough. To fill him, to drown this emptiness. She caused.It had been two weeks, no– three weeks or rather, maybe, three hundred lifetimes since they had last spoken.When she had finally come to school for the first time since their split. Jules had been by his locker when she walked into school clad in yellow denim overalls and a tee they had dyed together.For a second he forgot everything and anything, moving like a magnet drawn to
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He could handle it. "I can handle myself."April or May or December pressed herself even closer to him, a feat he didn't think was even possible. She trailed her fingers higher tracing his lips with her hard-pressed acrylic. Grasping onto his neck, she pulled his head lower, lips searching for his. But Jules had sucked his in childishly, unwillingly to give even that.April-May-December pouted. "God, Jules. You're such a tease."Jules smiled down at her, pearly white straight teeth, that slew gods and crushed hearts. The lighting favored him, his skin was not the color of poop but a golden brown – sun-kissed. And his freckles which had been once compared to a rotten mango? Was— what the did she say?— yes, it was akin to constellations in the night sky. He was mesmerizing. And April or May or December clearly thought so too.Her lips pa
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Jules collapsed.It was pitiful, really.But what was more pitiful? In that split-second, when his legs buckled, he still thought of her. Goddamn.His body hit the floor with the sound of a dull thud, the sound of a heart falling.The girl, Riana, kind of shouted but it was soft, muted, like her grey eyes. She rushed over to him and obstructing his view of the ceiling. And replaced it with a worried pout, warm caramel skin, and miles and miles of ample flesh."Oh my god, Jules are you okay?"Jules stared up at her dazed. He wondered fleetingly how he had wound up here, staring up at her best friend.He still remembered her words clear as day from that day. When he saw their picture on her phone.That right there, Jules, is my best friend in the whole world, well save for my
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Jules pressed his palm to his throat, ignoring the loud thumbs of his chest. "I–I need a minute." Mars was right; it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. "Give me a second to think..."He left before they could stop him half running, half walking into the boy's restroom. It was small cramped space, but he was grateful for the size and the key on the door. He locked himself in before facing the mirror.The brown boy in the mirror did not look happy. So Jules tried to smile, but the corners of his mouth turned down instead of up and soon it was a grimace.What are you doing? He thought to himself. What was he doing? Yes, she was wrong. Yes, she made a mistake. But he could fix it. Hadn't this been what he felt deep down all along? So then, why was he still torturing himself like this when everything in him was screaming to go to her, to go home.It's
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Jules hated flying.Which was funny because traveling used to be top of his list back when his family was still together. He usually gritted his teeth thorough out the trip. While burying his face into his mother's fleece and the trip didn't seem so bad.But his mother wasn't here and Mars was a poor substitute. his stomach was shaking so bad, he thought it was going to catapult itself straight out of him.He fit his carry on in the overhead bin, dodging the leg Mars set for him to trip on. Honestly, it's just been a day but he's gotten used to his feint train antics. In the back of his mind, he could see what Riana meant by 'he's a softie on the inside' little bouts of kindness. Like when he taped up a picture of Venus he found in the trash, that Jules tore up in a fit of overwhelming sadness. So he knew, Marcus was not all asshole.But right now he didn't care. The plane hadn't even take
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