The sun was shining today through the windows, lighting up the place I called my home. Despite the brightness, it felt dark; gloomy. A few weeks past as the summer began, the weather became hotter each day. It was the perfect time to go outside and enjoy the summer air. Most days I could hear the children outside my window, playing with the sprinklers. Their giggles reached my ears, making me smile.And as their laughter continued until the late afternoon when they were called home, I couldn't help my thoughts. Wondering if I had had a child, would they have as much fun? And when the dreary thought came to my mind, I pushed it away. That was the past. But why couldn't I let it go?It didn't help that, along with my solemn thoughts, Kenny has continued to avoid me. He's even taking extra measures to pretend I didn't exist. And when we lay in bed, he would turn the other way. I tried not to show how hot I was, but often I did find myself leaving the room to go into the bathroom and cry
I think Nick could sense something was off with me today. He has constantly been asking me if I was feeling ok, causing me to lie through my teeth and say yes. I knew I should've canceled, and called him earlier to do so. But he begged to see me and there was no way I could say no. And when I arrived at our park meeting, he surprised me with a picnic set up for us. He packed a blanket, pillows, and mini electric fans, along with food and plenty of water.How could a man be so thoughtful and sweet?"So when I saw the sweet gesture, I stuffed down my depression. Smiling and joking with him trying to be light-hearted. Yet, finding myself failing miserably. I wanted to listen to him speak as he talked of his family and homeland. But it was almost as if my brain was rejecting the idea. I would accidentally tune him out, his voice fading from my ears. While I stared into space thinking about my husband and becoming sad. His words from the other night ringing in my ear.You don't deserve to
The smell of chemicals wafted through the air as I dipped my paint brush into the pallet. Collecting the acrylic color blue and lifting it to the canvas in front of me. I was fulfilling my promise to Nicolaus and painting in his ultra- lager apartment. Or what rich folks refers to as a penthouse suite. To say I was shocked when I arrived was an understatement.While we drove to his apartment which I've never seen before, he kept saying it was a regular space. But as I looked out the window and saw the buildings go from poor to middle class and finally the rich, I knew he was lying. Then when we arrived it took everything in me not to gape like a fish. His home was enormous for a "simple" apartment. I thought he was living in a mini, but not so mini house. It had everything. Such as his own gym, a large kitchen, a game room, and more. It was its own very bachelorette pad. However it made sense when he told me he was living with his best friend. Who conveniently was out of town.So we
The sound of heavy grunts were filling my ears. Willingly laying face down, tooted up for my husband as he took his pleasure. Consummation between husband and wife should be pleasurable for both, but I've never felt that way. I rolled my head to the other side trying to focus on the clock besides our bed. I had started counting down the time when we began having sex. I only had a few more seconds to go before he came. I went to stretch one of my arms because it was beginning to cramp but he grabbed onto it. As he pulled my arm behind my back, I held back a grimace. Mistaking me for wanting to grab the sheets."You feel so good," he moaned while his thrusts began to speed up. I didn't reply, as there will be no point. Although if I did, he wouldn't have cared to hear. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on my body. Maybe if I focused enough on how my nipples brushed against the sheets with every sway to my heavy breasts, I'd be turned on. Or perhaps the feel of my husband's touc
I heard the sounds of his keys before the door opened. I didn't glance up from the stove while preparing the stew. It just needed a few more minutes and it would be done. I already had the table and his beer waiting for him at the table. I heard his heavy footsteps as he walked through the house, making his way into the kitchen."Hi honey, how was work?" I asked, without turning around. Before I felt his hands against my back, I felt him. I decided to wear a loose orange dress today since I felt like getting dressed up. Hoping it would make me feel better about myself. The dress only reached my knees and it fit my figure quite well. I wasn't tall nor was I short. I had an average height while my husband stood about two inches above me. My weight has been fluctuating, but I did have some small curves here and there, but nothing too exciting. I could be considered an average-looking woman, maybe even below and average, due to the bags underneath my eyes."Tiring, my captain was being my
Hearing nothing but the cricket chirping outside and my husband snores, I can't sleep. Thinking back to the recent events that occured once my husband got home. After our romp in the kitchen earlier, I cleaned myself up in the bath room while Kenny helped himself to a serving of the meal I made. When I return to the kitchen, I cleaned up our mess and fixed myself a small plate of food. I didn't want to eat more than what a woman should. As Kenny likes to say, I do often. I then join Kenny in the living room as he watched television and ate his food. I curled up next to him as I ate, and he puts his arm around.A cycle we've continued for years before we got married. As I sat in his arms, hardly paying attention to the screen, all I can focus on is my husband. Some days it feel surreal that I call him that and others…. I wondered if I stop. Not wanting to think negative, I reflect back on our early married days. Where we couldn't stop calling one another husband and wife, smiles foreve
It's been weeks since Kenny and I decided to hold off on having a baby. There hasn't been any sex between us and my body has been given a much needed -break. So far Kenny has stuck to his promise and I've been having trouble trying not to feel terrible. Not only am I anxious and stressed that he might find out the truth, but I'm so scared as to what will happen after this month is up. Maybe I'll come to the decision that I do want to have a child with Kenny. I mean what else is there for me to do?Life has continued as if we have never tried to conceive in the first place. Kenny is off to work at the police station and I regularly take on other clients. My occupation has been like my art in a way. A way for me to escape my home life as it's been less stressful. Many times I have wanted to stay at work longer to help my clients through their lives. However, I have to be the wife Kenny deserved which didn't include working late nights. I had to work hard, come home before he did to
For as long as I could remember, I had always been alone. No parents, no siblings and no family. Although I was put in a harsh system, I was one of the lucky few who did experience anything trumatic. I only wonder why I had to grow up with other children who didn't have families. Some I made friends with, others I never had a chance to. Once I hit eighteen, they left me to fund for myself. Due to high grades and scholarship opportunities, I had no choice but to go to college. At least I will have a roof over my head. I couldn't say the same for other orphans who didn't have my luck.Although I was able to build a life for myself, I struggled. As an orphan, I didn't have as much of an education as other children. When it came to college, I had to take the most basic of classes which cost money I didn't have. Not only was I suffering financially, but I was also street about keeping my scholarship, my grades were beginning to tank, and I was anxious. Then with a job I managed to get with