"How are you feeling?" I ask Kane when he walks out of the bathroom and he sits on the far side of the bed. He hasn't said much since we got home from my house to see my mother. I don't know what they talked about and I don't know if I want to ask. If I'm being truthful, I've been dreading their conversation since I told my mother I was pregnant. I know she's happy for and she will love my baby no matter what but... My mother wanted me to have a traditional life. She wanted me to go to school, get a job, meet a man, get married, and then have a baby. For as long as I can remember she warned me about getting pregnant when I'm not "stable"We haven't really had a conversation about it but I know she's disappointed in my choices right now. And my fear is that she might not say it to me but she might say it to Kane. And his mood right now is not giving me any peace. I'm terrified of the things she said to him. I'm afraid to find out that the conversation didn't go so well. I'm afraid
Six months later"Wow, Hi mommy. You look good" Jay says when I walk through the door. I smile at the look on his face. He's looking at me like he's seeing me for the first time. I unconsciously rub my belly, he's seeing me for the first time wityh my belly this big and I can tell it's a shock. I am showing now and people haven't been shy to let me know I look pregnant."Hi" I say shyly, leaving him at the door. I walk into the living room and sit at one of the sofas. A memory of the night I saw Kane pops into my mind. That is the night my life changed. Had he not invited me to that get together, I wouldn't be pregnant or dating Kane for that matter."How are you feeling?" He asks smiling at me. "Can I get you anything?" He says and I shake my head no. He sits on the sofa next to mine and he stares at me."I feel different." I say and he nods a huge smile plasterred on his face."I can imagine, y
I stare at the beautiful woman sitting in front of me. My heart starts racing. I still can't get over the fact that she's carrying my baby."Hi" She says so softly I almost miss it. I love how soft and delicate when she becomes when she sees me. Her feminine energy recharges me."I missed you." I say and she looks at me confused. This is the firt time she's given that look since we reconnected. I hold myself from frowning. maybe she's having an off day."You did?" She asks taking me by surprise. Why would she be confused by that?"Yes. I came here to take you home with me." I say taking a step closer to her, as soon as she told me she's coming here I knew I had to come get my woman. I was excited to see her tonight but I must admit, this is not the reaction I expected. She blinks at me a few times and I can see the machine in her head running, I don't know what's going on with her but I don't like it.Every time she starts t
"Are you going to answer that?" I ask Kane when his phone rings over and over in his car. It's been ringing for a while, whoever wants to get a hold of him really needs to. He's driving us to his house. I left my car at Jay's house so we he can drive us home. I was greateful when he suggested that we he drives becuase I don't think I could have driven mysel. I was so shaky and emotional a few minutes ago.I didn't want to be in the same place as him in that moment. I hate to admit it but I was feeling like there was no way we could be close again. It was over for me. But now that we're here, I'm happy again. I miss being close to him."Yeah," He says and he presses the answer buttomn."Hey...Are you okay?" Olive says and her voice fills the entire car. I feel the sound vibrate in my chest. I feel my breath get heavy. When did they start talking to each other again? Or they never stopped. "Or are you at work? Oh, I didn't think of that," S
"Shalom, can we talk about this?" I say following her into the bathroom. She hasn't said a word to me since I ended that call with Olive. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do or say. I want to know what she's thinking. Well, I have an idea because she was crying but..."No!" She states taking her toothbrush and toothpaste. I watch her put the toothpaste on the brush and she starts to brush her teeth without another word. Her eyes have so much pain behind them. She's never looked at me like that."No? What do you mean no?" I ask when she says nothing. She turns around bending over the sink. "We need to talk. We haven't talked about anything in a long time." I say and watch her continue to brush her teeth ignoring me.When she's done, she gets started on her skincare. Still, she says nothing to me."Are you going to pretend I'm not talking to you?" I ask looking at her in the mirror. She sighs deeply but still, she says nothing. I sta
"You look like crap," Junior's mother says when I walk into her kitchen. I sit on the bar stool on the island and sigh. She's right, the past two weeks have been a horror show. Shalom is not really talking to me. She asked for some space to think and I had to give it to her. I'm in no position to demand otherwise."Thanks" I say and she looks at me concerned. She comes to sit on the stool in front of me."Do you want to talk about it?" She asks after a beat."I don't know," I say and she frowns."You still don't talk to anyone about your struggles huh?" She says and my conversation with Shalom hits me like a train. I didn't talk to her and now we're here. The sad part is that we were waiting for me to talk to her. For a whole six months, she was patiently waiting for me to come to her and I never did, instead, I went to my ex."Did I do that when we were together?" I ask even though I know
A few hours later: Kane and Junior's mother are sitting in her living roomKane decided to stay for dinner. The thought of going home is not appealing since he's going to an empty house."Do you think she's coming tomorrow?" Junior's mother asks me for the 100th time today. And every time she asks me my heart breaks a little bit. I don't know if she's coming or not and I'm afraid to ask her.Things are different now. She's mad at me, she's not really talking to me, so I don't know. She made a promise to my son that she'd show up to his regional final soccer game months ago. This is before I decide to be an ass and make her feel left out. The game is tomorrow so we still have 24 hours to figure out what to do. I could tell Junior to not expect her to show, to avoid disappointment. But I don't know if I want to have that conversatio
It's D-day and I'm nervous. It doesn't help that I'm sitting in the sun. I feel hot, sweaty and uncomfortable. The bleachers we're sitting on are right under the scorching sun. It baffles my mind that no one thought to create shade for the spectators. It's going to be a very long 90 minutes. I fan my face trying to get the cool air into my face but that doesn't help at all. I look around at the parents sitting in the bleachers with me. The majority of them are coupled up and I wish it was the same for me. I wish Shalom was sitting next to me. I feel terrible for the way things turned out. And hate to admit it but I'm a coward. I should have called her and told her why I was distant. Make her understand that I was sad and I didn't know how to come to her and be vulnerable.I always feel like I need to be strong for her, I never want her to feel like I can't protect her.Sharing my weaker side is terrifying