Chapter 1

“Russel, don’t leave! Please... please!” My mom Emily kept on begging my dad to choose us over another woman who he met at one of their company events.

“Emily, we can’t do this anymore.” he yanked Mom’s hands from his forearms before picking up his duffle bag. 

“Russel, don’t!” mom continued to plead in between her sobs, and to see her in that vulnerable state stung an indescribable feeling in my heart. 

“Mom, stand up,” I said because my eyes couldn’t take her kneeling on the ground just to win the man she loves, leaving us for someone else.

“I can’t live without your dad, Ciara,” tears were falling like a river on her angelic face, turning it into a mess. 

I ran towards our door and saw Dad putting his duffle bag and a few stuff in the compartment of his car. My chest was clenching at the reality that we’ll never be that one happy family that we once were.

As the tears were pooling in the corner of my eyes and the nerves were quivering in my system, I bit my lip sharply. I felt a sting, realizing that I wounded my lips with my teeth. I could taste the blood in it. 

“Dad, I will never forgive you for breaking our hearts and for ruining this happy family that we have!” out of anger, I shouted with all my might before closing the door with all the force I got, which a loud bang came after.

I let my tears fall down my cheeks as I walked closer to Mom, who stayed still from where I left her a few minutes ago. We could hear the engine of the car revving away from the driveway, which means Dad abandoned us. 

As I couldn’t do anything about it, I kneeled in front of Mom before hugging her tightly. She couldn’t stop herself from weeping exhaustedly. We felt so helpless in our situation as anger and sadness covered our whole being.

“Brrringg” Interrupted by my alarm, I right away opened my eyes. Every day, I set my device for me to wake up at 6 in the morning because I need to go to work. I could feel my cheeks were wet, and I knew I cried from that horrible dream again. 

Slowly, I rolled out of my bed and sat on the edge with a heavy heart. I took a deep breath six consecutive times and contemplated.

“Why does my awful past keeps on hunting me in my dreams?” “Can’t I move on peacefully?” Frustratedly, those questions popped into my mind. I hated it that even turning 24, I hold grudges in my heart.

I was a minor when the worst days of my life happened. I couldn’t fathom how deep the pain Dad imposed on me and my mom was. But what hurt me the most was the fact that Dad left us because of another woman. He was with his mistress rather than giving us a complete and happy family. 

Honestly, I couldn’t forgive my dad for leaving us. He was with another woman to build a new life away from us. I mean, how a father can do that? Abandoning your wife and your twelve years old daughter to a woman you’ve only known for a month? Dense!

Because of what Dad did to us, Mom had never been back in her usual self again. She used to have vivid spirits and contagious smiles, but everything changed that very moment Dad stepped out of our door to be with someone else.

The next five years of my life after that incident were gloomy. Mom immersed herself in her job in a local trading company almost every day. When she gets home, she kept on gulping a bottle of alcohol until sleep knocked her down.

I kept on telling her it would help if she will accept the truth that Dad will never come back to us as he already has his newfound family. And that she should embrace the fact that it will only be the two of us, moving forward.

Knowing brief words of encouragement, I told her repeatedly that maybe he could find someone else along the way to light up her life again. Only if she fixes herself to be her best version again. 

“Mom, don’t you find me enough to go on with your life?” I couldn’t forget that question I kept on asking her way back. “Choose to be happy with only the two of us,” I persuaded many times, but I guess I’m not worth living for. 

Exactly a day before I turned 18, I received a call from our local police officer. He delivered the devastating news that no one would be happy to receive in her entire life.

“Your mom got involved in a drastic accident and they pronounced her dead. I’m sorry for your loss,” Those words kept on repeating in my head even though I had already dropped the telephone. Shocked, my nerves were shaking uncontrollably, and didn’t know what to do. Mentally blocked and in disbelief, I kept denying to myself that Mom was gone. 

Truth be told, I knew within me that Mom intended to end her life. She couldn’t take going on because of so much depression. I felt it stabbed me deeply that mom ended her life rather than live with me and persevere. It hurts me terribly that Dad abandoned us and then Mom left me alone, too. “Did I worth nothing to them?”

I was very much submerged in my thoughts when my alarm buzzed again after half an hour. I couldn’t believe I wasted my precious time again remembering the distressing events of my life. In my usual morning, I could have been in my office clothes at this hour. I could only shake my head at how I pondered my past in the early morning. With that, I swiftly ran to my bathroom and took a bath.

As I was getting ready, I took my white shirt hanging in my closet together with my trouser. I brushed my long brunette hair and put on some powder. Even though I was introduced to beauty products and lots of makeup,  I’m not into them because I always wanted to look simple. Quickly, I picked up my handbag and black cardigan before putting on my three inches shoe. No need for me to wear higher heels because I’m all good with my 5 feet and 6 in half tall.

***

“Ciara, I want you to hand these documents to Alicia.” Miss Vera, my boss in a mid-range glass wall manufacturing company, ordered me via intercom. It was her fifth call for an errand since I got in the office. I’d been working as her assistant for six months already and I could say she’s not an easy superior.

Every time I step inside the office to start my job, I bring with me a lot of patience. She’s a bad-tempered manager and always sees the bad in every task. In my first few weeks as her support, I heard the gossip that she already had seven hired assistants before me. Some endured her attitude for a month or two, but most of them resigned during their very first week. Bizarre! 

I stood up from my seat and walked a few steps towards her office room. Slowly, I sighed before opening her door. As soon I pulled open the knob, she was on her desk, head down, signing a pile of papers in front of her. Without even sparing a glance at me, she pointed to the sealed envelope with Alicia’s name labeled on it. 

I reached for the thing and turned gently, being so careful as not to create a noise. I didn’t want to irritate her, as she hates distractions when she’s working. Honestly, it was tough adjusting to her conduct and making sure not to infuriate or annoy her. 

Right after I made it outside, I released a deep breath. I couldn’t believe I had stayed under her supervision for half a year already, especially on bearing with her manners. Although I had never experienced being reprimanded or humiliated by her around our work, still, I felt not that hundred percent comfortable in her presence.

As I was pacing toward Alicia’s department on the opposite side of ours, I could see a few of her team were so busy with their respective assignments. Truly, accounting people are serious about their errands. I couldn’t fully understand how they balanced the finances of the company after the CEO announced a few weeks ago that the supposed revenue he was expecting for the past year fell around 20% in the net amount. That was huge.

“Hey, Alice!” I waved at her. Occupied by something on her computer, she smiled at me in return. I could describe her as a good colleague in the company because I find her approachable. I always see her radiant face whenever I crossed paths with her in the workplace. She’s undoubtedly friendly, and she gets along well with her teammates.

“This is from Miss Vera.” I showed the sealed envelope and she motioned to put it on top of her table. I saw her hit the send button on her desktop monitor screen before she thanked me for bringing the document personally.

“How’s your day, Ara?” she kept on asking whenever we see each other. I knew she intends to ask because of Miss Vera, but I always stay undisturbed.

“I couldn’t believe you endured a cranky boss for half a year already,” her tone seemed amused. “Did I amaze you?” I winked at her and she chuckled at my response.

“You know what? We are planning to give you an award if you reach a year under her department,” she kidded. As I couldn’t hold myself from laughing, I let it out. Thankfully, as head of finance, she got an office room of her own and no one could hear us talking about silly topics.

“I need these files,” she mumbled audibly and breathed a bit of relief. “What is it all about?” I couldn’t stop asking out of curiosity. She hummed, “This is the proposal I need to review for a massive security company inquiring about our product.” She pulled out the papers and read some contents. 

“We need to get a good deal on this because it would help us with the losses we had in the previous year,” she sounded hopeful, having contagious energy. “Seems an extensive project,” I commented, and she nodded quickly. She shared how she and Miss Vera worked on the pricing to cope with the financial deficit caused by the previous year.

I bid goodbye to Alicia because I’m afraid Miss Vera will notice if I stay long. I knew that would be trouble for me. With the positive energy I gained from Alice, I went back to my station and pinged Miss Vera via our intercompany chatbox and informed her I successfully handed over the files to Alicia. As expected, she replied with a “Great!” and never thanked me at all. 

Honestly, I had a choice to leave my job and look for other companies but decided not to. Since being an employee in Smith’s Glass Wall Manufacturing Company happened to be my first ever job, I wanted to have an outstanding record. It's no good to write in my future CV that my experiences only took a few months as it could only bring negative feedback to me.

Maybe one reason I stayed long under her management was that I like the setup. We are in the workplace purely intended to get our job done and get paid. Truth be told, I didn’t want to get close to anybody else. I hate investing emotions because that’s one reason I’m hurting so much and still carrying the pain in my heart throughout my days. 

Before I could pack my things to call it a day at work, my intercom rang and Miss Vera’s name kept on flashing on the screen. My shift would end in a few minutes, and it irked me she was calling for another errand again. 

“Ciara, clear all my schedule tomorrow morning,” she ordered firmly. As I viewed my notes, two meetings were inked. I wondered why suddenly she asked me to reschedule them for some other time.

“Alright, Miss Vera.” I never tried to question her reasons because it would only irritate her. I already mastered her character, so I knew how to go with the flow of her directions.

“Prepare the boardroom at 9 am for an important meeting,” she added clearly. I assured her I will do it early the next day. 

“Anything else, Miss?” I couldn’t wait to end the call, but I didn’t want to be rude. After all, she’s the boss.

“Wear proper office clothes. I want us to get a good impression from Mr. Ford,” as usual in her authoritative tone.

Hearing what she said, my eyes widened. Not because I thought she hates my choices of clothing, but because she mentioned his name. My heart kept on pounding, though I wasn’t yet sure if he was the same person flashing in my mind.

There are lots of people with the same name in the City and the chance that we could meet again is almost impossible. Despite that, I felt uneasy. I couldn’t believe that after four long years, by just hearing his name, he still has that impact on me.

“Ciara, did you hear me?” I knew she got confused about why I kept silent. 

“Mr... Mr... Ford?” I repeated just to make sure I heard it right. 

“Yes. To close the deal with Mr. Denver Ford is a great opportunity. You must focus on the meeting tomorrow,” she spoke casually, and that confirmed my suspicion.

I was trying to open my mouth to say a word, but I couldn’t. I felt all sweaty and seemed the temperature in the room changed to 40 degrees. Truly, I was likely to panic but realized that Miss Vera is still on the other line.

“Y... Yes M... Miss V... vera,” I trailed off, responding to her. Right after she dropped the call, my heart and mind turned chaotic.

As I couldn’t restrain my legs from quivering, I slumped back in my chair. “Am I not dreaming this time?” I kept on tapping my forehead with the palm of my hand. 

Even a little, I did not know that Denver is back in the City. Our separation four years ago was of no difference in why I resented my parents. Like them, Denver followed his opportunity to Seattle, rather than staying beside me and creating our life together. I’m exceedingly unfortunate, and those experiences made my heart cold like a heart of stone.

My relationship with him was the reason I gradually recovered from the discomfort of my pitiful fate with my parents. Falling in love with him helped me so much to go on with my life. He made me feel comfortable and happiest in his company. He made me believe that I’m not alone and promised to be with me no matter what.

But sadly, I got awakened from my sweetest fairy tale that even how much he tells me he loves me and how much I love him in return, still we couldn’t guarantee our tomorrow. I couldn’t help myself believe what most people say... that true love is only an illusion.

I’d been carrying so much pain in my heart and kept on asking myself, “Am I born to be rejected by the people I love? How can I turn my miseries the other way around? 

It triggered my anxiety at the thought that on the next day, Denver and I would face each other again. Truthfully, I never once wished to cross paths with him after we parted ways.

“What would be his reaction if he sees me after being away from each other for a long time? Will he acknowledge he knows me in front of my boss? What does he look like now and what he has become?” I bombarded my mind with so many questions.