AS I STROLLED UP TO FIONA'S HOUSE FOR the second time that day, I rang the doorbell, and Fiona's mom answered, her hair in a messy bun and a faint whiff of burnt lasagna wafting from the house. “Well, hello there, Casper!” she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with a mix of hope and mild desperation. “It's so nice to see you again.” I smiled and nodded, doing my best impression of a concerned friend, and all the while shaking my head on how this woman was so blissfully unaware of her daughter's disappearance. She ushered me inside, practically beaming with excitement, and I couldn't shake the feeling that she was hoping I was Fiona's secret boyfriend. “Oh, Casper,” she confided, “I'm just so glad Fiona has someone like you looking out for her. You know, I've been worried she might be… well… a lesbian! I mean, she never brings boys home, so I figured…” I tried my best to keep my eyebrows from reaching my hairline. This lady was something else, spilling her guts to me like we were B
SO, HERE I AM, sprawled out on the cold, damp floor of a dark cave, naked as the day I was born. My tiny hands are cuffed with these gigantic chains that look like they could hold down a whole friggin' ship! I let out a groan that'd make a wounded bear sound like a whimpering puppy. Every bone in my body screams in agony; it's like a sledgehammer-wielding madman has gone to town on me. As I try to move, the pain just won't quit. I reach for the keys to freedom, lying oh-so-close on the cave floor. But my hands are shaking like leaves in a hurricane, weighed down by the chains and that ceaseless, pounding pain. I have to wait it out, waiting for my secret superpowers to swoop in and patch me up. I know they'll stitch my broken bones, mend my torn flesh, and silence that shrieking pain. So, I lay there, wincing and writhing on the ground, my eyes tracing over the bloody remnants of my, shall we say, “transformations.” The cave walls are splattered with dried blood, like some abstract p
I'LL BE HONEST, FOLKS—my blood runs colder than an Arctic river at that moment. This isn't going to end well. I cock my head to the side, my lips forming a thoughtful 'O.' Now, what have I called him again? Oh, right—Mr. Bean Head and his glorious bald dome. I've really gone and stirred the pot now, haven't I? “I say I want a mug of beer!” I chuckle nervously, trying to backpedal faster than a clown on a unicycle. But my new friend isn't buying it. Not one bit. “No, no,” he growls, his chest heaving like a stormy sea. “What did you call me?” I clear my throat, scrambling for a way to defuse the situation. “Uh, I said, Mr. Blonde Head!” I lie, hoping he'll buy it. “But... I'm not a blonde,” he says, his brow furrowed in confusion. Well, if he wants the truth, I'll give it to him. My lips curl into a mischievous smirk. Oh, this is going to be good. “If you're not a blonde,” I say, drawing out the moment, “then that means you're a...” I pause, letting the tension build like
SO HERE I AM, FEELING like the cat that got the cream as I lap up the rich, honey-like blood. My serpentine tongue savors every sweet drop, like it's the nectar of the gods. I can't get enough, but eventually, the poor guy's body goes limp in my grasp, so I let him drop. His glassy eyes stare up at me, so I gently close them. I'm not a complete monster, you know? I let out a long, satisfied breath, then hop up onto the bar counter, my gaze sweeping over the rows of glittering bottles. So many choices! I can't decide which one to go for, so I do a little “eeny meeny miny moe” until my fingers land on a fancy-looking bottle of Johnnie Walker. “Aha!” I exclaim. The thick, curvaceous glass and the swirly pattern on the label catch my eye, so I figure, Why the heck not? I grab the bottle, jump back down to the ground, and crack it open. As I take a long, deep swig, the sweet, bubbly liquid dances on my tongue. I can't help but let out a contented sigh. “Next time, you won't argue with m
RIGHT, SO THERE WE ARE—THE GIRLS STANDIN' there, wide-eyed, lookin' around the mansion as if it were some kind of flyin' saucer from another planet. You can almost see the wheels spinnin' in their noggins, tryin' to work out where the devil they've ended up. The look of awe on their faces is mixed with a touch of fear, mind you. I mean, who wouldn't be a bit spooked in a place like this? Meanwhile, I am peltin' it down the stairs, breathin' like a racehorse and with me heart poundin' in me chest like a bloomin' steam engine. The girls stare at me, as if I've just sprouted horns and a tail, no doubt wonderin' what the blazes I'm doin', runnin' down the stairs like a ruddy lunatic. I finally find me voice, and manage to blurt out a “Thank you.” I'm tryin' to sound all cool and composed, but inside, I'm just about ready to shake their hands off for stickin' by me in this creepy old mansion. So, before they can say another word, I pull 'em both into a massive bear hug. I swear, I could
AS SCARLETT AND WINTER SWAP TALES, it's like we're old pals catching up over a pint at the local tavern. Their voices dance through the air, filled with amazement and a touch of confusion. Winter leans in, her voice taking on the low, conspiratorial tone of a rogue in the market square. “Now get this, Casper – Scarlett couldn't see this house from the outside. Not even a tiny peek! But the moment she steps foot inside, poof! There it is, big as day, like it's playing some crazy game of hide-and-seek with her all along!” I keep playing along, pretending to be as gobsmacked as a peasant catching sight of the queen's jewels. Scarlett just scrunches up her face, like she's trying to solve a riddle carved in ancient stone. “I know, right? It's super weird. I just can't make sense of it.” Her fingers fiddle with the plush cushions of the seat, as if she's searching for something familiar to cling to amidst this whirlwind of bewilderment. Scarlett speaks up, her voice filled with the ki
AH, BLIMEY! THERE I WAS, SPRAWLED OUT ON the floor like a boneless chicken, when it hit me: all those years of living on a blood-lite diet had finally caught up with me. Me body was screaming for a proper meal, like a neglected pot of geraniums in need of a good soak. Panic set in as I realized I was in desperate need of a good old-fashioned blood feast. Without it, I'd soon shrivel up like a prune and be about as lively as a doorknob. But would you believe it? That flaming ball of fire in the sky, the sun, shone down on me like a right ol' mockery, winking at me from above. The minutes ticked by at a snail's pace as I remained rooted to the spot, my strength seeping out of me like sand through an hourglass. The sun seemed to laugh at me, slowly meandering through the sky, taking its sweet time to bid farewell. And there I was, helpless as a newborn kitten. Well, bugger me sideways! There I was, left alone with nothing but me own thoughts, and wouldn't you know it? They turned on
THIS DUDE'S FACE SCRUNCHES up like he's trying to solve a riddle as he asks, “So, when did you get here, and how?” His eyes were all bright and curious, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. I let out a chuckle and teased, “Come on, man, you think I'm just going to spill the beans like that? Give me some credit!” His frustration was kind of hilarious, I had to admit. I switched gears and took a look around. “Hey, by the way, I'm Vivaldi Monteverdi,” I said, admiring the place. “Your crib is sweet! It's cosy but super cool at the same time. It seems like you are flying solo here. Maybe we could room together or something?” I suggested with a hopeful grin. But the dude's face went all serious, and he demanded, “What's your game, mate? Why are you really here?” I couldn't resist poking the bear a little, so I quipped, “Don't you mean, What brings your fabulous self to my humble abode?” His gaze got all intense, and his voice dropped low. “Just spill the beans, mate.” I let out a si