CHAPTER 6

Sometimes I stare at things for too long. My wrists… The big, sharp knife in the kitchen drawer. The bottle of Sniper in the corner. Sometimes the idea of me being sprawled across the floor in a lake of my blood is tempting. Sometimes, when I’m drained, I want to time it just right and walk into an oncoming car… a bus… a truck…

Sometimes jumping off a balcony is intriguing. It seems ideal.

Sometimes… I want to die.

And maybe in a warped way, that’s okay?

Just hear me out.

red and white rose petals on white table

When I was younger, there were no voices in my head.

Now, I think I’m in an unending race to get back there. The problem is I do not think I will ever win the race. At some point, I would have to accept that it’s possible the voices in my head are here to stay. And I shall never get the privilege of a calm brain again.

Regardless of the chaos in my mind, born out of the craziness of the things that I’ve had to deal with in life, I’m a strong believer that happiness is a choice