"What are you discussing? All we do is ride together to and from school. We've been to the center before, but it's not my fault because you make me go there.Dad groans. I want to avoid a fight with you. Here, I'm trying. After everything, I simply feel like I should get to know the individuals you hang out with. There is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.A mixture of humiliation and rage is making my face feel heated. "What's left, now? Do you mean after I tempted Jason? I never said that. You won't be going anywhere with him tonight if you don't stop speaking for me, Emily. I have a right to be aware of your social circle.Maybe. He must, however, also have faith in me. He doesn't, and that hurts my heart. Mom would have believed in me. He's looking pale, so I know I've harmed him. Yet I'm also hurt. "Steve and I aren't even going anyplace. I'm interacting with Emery. She is a young lady from the center you force me to visit. I'll return in a few hours. I take my handbag with
“What?” Steve asks as he eats one of my Doritos before handing them to me.I try not to blush. It’s not like I’m going to remind him of that dance. Tell him he’s the first boy I danced with, too, and that I thought I’d been in love with him. “Nothing. You look tired. ”“I’m tired as hell. ” He leans back against the locker. His guitar case is next to him, but he doesn’t pull it out. “Mom and Angelica were on the phone last night and they got in a fight. It’s the first time she’s heard from her in a while. She always gets all freaked out when they talk, like it’s her fault Angelica couldn’t deal with shit. ““It’s not always that easy—to just get over something, I mean. ”“Maybe it should be,” he tosses back at me. “I’m not trying to say I’m perfect, but when I needed to talk to someone, I did it. I found a way to get over it without pretending it’s the end of the world. ”His words, even though they aren’t meant for me, are like a slap in the face. “So because you can do something, e
Emery sighs and looks at me. “I know, and I’m sorry I freaked, okay? I promise I’m not doing anything stupid. I even told him at the movies that I don’t want to see him again. I haven’t texted him since. I’m not going to do something that will hurt the baby. ”“Or you,” I tell her.“Or me. ” This makes her smile. “Now what about you? I just told you something huge, Emily. Now it’s your turn. This is a give-and-take friendship. ” She smiles. It’s almost impossible to be in a bad mood around Emery.This is my chance to get out the fact that I’ve seen Jason and for me to make a vow that I won’t see him again. “The guy who was the father of my baby… I’m not supposed to see him, either. But I have. Only once and it was an accident, but I also talked to him. And he called me once, too. If my dad found out, he’d freak. ” He’d more than freak. He’d want to go to the police or something.Her eyes stretch to the size of quarters and then turn accusatory. “So you’re doing the Edwarde thing I did
NowWe order pizza. I’m a little embarrassed about this because it feels so cliché. Girl and Dad living alone after Mom dies and no one cooks. They order pizza.Steve rolls with the whole dinner thing the way he rolls with everything. He doesn’t know why I asked him over. Dad does. I can see that he’s glad to officially meet Steve so he can size him up, but he’s also not happy about it. If I’m letting them get to know each other, it means I want to spend more time with him, and I don’t think Dad wants me to spend time with a boy ever again.For my sake or the guy’s, I’m not sure.We’re sitting at the kitchen table. The pizza just arrived, and it feels so different from when I sat at the table with Brenda and Sally. It’s much more strained, but Dad doesn’t seem to notice. He doesn’t notice much of anything because all he’s doing is eating and staring at Steve.Me, I notice that and more. It’s the first time we’ve had someone else at our dinner table in a long time. It’s three again, on
Now“You’ll call me if anything goes wrong, right?”“Yes, Dad,” I tell him for the millionth time.“If you don’t want to go, you can change your mind. ”“I know. ” How do I tell him I’m tired of changing my mind? That I need to find a way to do this. It’s just Steve. It’s just a coffeehouse. It’s not a big deal.“Brenda said… Is that the first dream about Jason that you’ve had, Emily?” His voice is low.I think about lying. Almost do, but stop myself. “No. But they’ve been less lately. ” Even though it’s the truth, a bit of guilt still weighs me down, since it’s not the whole truth. Dad’s being cool. He’s letting me go out with Steve. I don’t want to jeopardize the progress we made by telling him about talking to Jason. I don’t even want to think about how he would react.He closes his eyes and I know it’s because he’s hurting. “Why didn’t you tell me?”Because I can’t. Because you don’t believe me. You’ve never said you believe me. “It’s…hard. ”Tell me I can. Tell me you want me to.
“Even my dad. He’s never said it, but I know he wonders. How can he think I would do something like that?”I feel Steve shake his head from where my face is buried against him.“This is one of those times I’m going to sound sexist, but I don’t think it’s that, Bryntastic. Your dad’s a guy. He feels like it was his job to protect you. I think he looks at you and thinks he failed. ”His words give me a kind of comfort I never would have expected. I don’t want Dad to think he failed me, but I don’t want him to doubt me, either.“You think so?”He nods.“Is that how you feel? About your mom and Angelica?” The way his blue eyes darken is the only answer I need. “Steve, it wasn’t your fault. ”“I know that. I do. Sometimes it’s just hard. ”We sit there for a few minutes and I let him hold me. I know I should pull away, but I don’t. I can’t make myself and I don’t want to. I’m comfortable close to him. I deserve to be comfortable. To hug a boy or go out on a date or whatever else I want.“
My cell beeps, making me jump. “Oh my God. I’m losing it. ”I pick it up to see a text from Steve.Im now a stalker. Jumped your fence. In the pottery room.My lips beg me to smile, but the nausea churning in my stomach makes it impossible. My fingers move to tell Steve I can’t. That I need to be alone. But I feel this little pull to him, too. The urge to watch him play and share gummy bears with him. Spending time with him is starting to feel like my new normal, and though I want nothing more than to be excited about that, I can’t fully muster it up right now.I also can’t tell him no.Dropping my backpack inside the foyer, I go through the house and right out the back. When I open the door to the room, I see Steve sitting on the small couch with his guitar next to him.“I thought you could try to make something again if you want. Or I could give you another lesson— Hey, what’s wrong?” Steve pushes his hair behind his ear so it doesn’t hang in his face.I want to tell him. To tell so
“According to police, the vehicle was traveling at high speeds when it lost control on one of the curves. There was a female passenger in the vehicle with him, but due to her being a minor, no name has been released yet. Both occupants of the car were dead at the scene. ”Dead.Dead.Dead.They’re both dead. Jason is dead. A girl is dead. Due to her being a minor…Another girl, just like me.The fuzz takes over again. I don’t hear anything else. Just my pulse mixing with the noise and throbbing in my head. The cries ripping out of me with so much strength, they tear me apart. A girl I didn’t know has died with Jason. He could have lied to her like he did me. Maybe she thought she loved him and he loved her. Maybe she just trusted Jason like he always told me to do. The way I did. And now because of that, she’s dead.“Shh. It’s okay, dolcezza. I have you. I’m here. I have you. ” Dad repeats the words over and over as the tears keep coming. I’m holding him so tight, my nails dig into h