CARELESS AND VENGEFUL

As I was going for my morning lecture that day, I felt eyes looking at me, both men and ladies. I put on a very lovely, flowery top my dad bought for me. I had never won the top before. It was very beautiful top. I was actually smiling at people, no longer moody and withdrawn. After the last right encounter with Paul, I became free. I entered the lecture theatre, I was greeted by all kinds of eyes, lusty eyes, admiring eyes, cheering eyes… everything was amusing me. I seem to be enjoying being the centre of attraction. I told myself “you are young, beautiful, enjoy yourself, babe. Enjoy yourself while you are still young”. 

That day, I became free with many of my colleagues, male and female I was laughing freely. Joking with them. I had a nice time. All boundaries off. I released myself from the gap I had created. A lot of my make were surprised. Some of them came and told me, if I had won a jackpot. I told them, what I have is more than a jackpot. I never knew how to shake hands with boys but that day, I was shaking their hands. They excitedly were happy to identify with me. I received all compliments with a smile to their amazement. I was simply enjoying all the attention I was getting. Lecture was wonderful that day. 

It was that day, I accepted to go to a doctor’s party never the campus. That day, I also discovered some ladies were not happy with me at all. They had always felt comfortable with me knowing I was only interested in my studies (academics). I was not a competition to them. I will never snatch their boyfriend. I wouldn’t even look at their boyfriend’s way talkless of snatching them. They loved my way and would always compliment me. 

But that day, everything changed. One of them gave a stupid remark that the way I am going, I would soon become a “public use”. To which I quickly snapped and told her rudely, “you are simply jealous of me. You can never be like me. I love the new me now. If you do not like it, you can jump into the river. The river is waiting for you. I have not even started, I am warming up. If you cross my lane, you will be very sorry for yourself”. 

What! The other ladies wondered what had gone wrong with me. Something must have happened for her to suddenly change like this. Somehow I was a bit remorseful as I was going to the hostel. I simply shrugged those emotions off. I told myself, she asked for it after all she started the whole thing. I felt like a champion that had just won a wrestling match. “she was not match for me at all”, I mused to myself. 

I sent to my dad to credit my account, I decided to be prodigal. I made up my mind to change my wardrobe. I want all eyes on me whenever I move out. My dad quickly obliged and sent the money I demanded. He may not have given his children attention anymore but he will always give them whatever they asked for. I went to boutique and lavished the money on clothing’s, shoes and make-ups. “I was ready to dress to kill”. Eyes must turn whenever I go out. I need attention of men, I must get their attention. 

Men must run after me like bees do to honey. My duty is to “pepper them” as much as I can. I will still keep myself pure and undefiled none of them will see my underwear. I promised myself again and again. 

Sincerely I was very bitter, wounded and in pain. It was like I was on a vengeance mission to disturb the men, torture them and make them suffer what I had been suffering instead of pain breaking me, pain was actually hardening my heart. My heart that was tender and delicate was becoming hardened. 

Lest I forget, I was set to go to the doctor’s party, the one I consented to in the class. This was before I asked for money from my dad. I put on my best clothe that night. I was set before ten in the night the boys came to pick us alongside some girls. I followed them and lo and behold was in the party. I danced and danced away my sorrows, troubles and pain. I was very lively that night, danced with numerous boys, drank some wine, till I became tipsy. 

One of the boys came round and asked me to drink more. By this time, couldn’t restrain myself anymore, I drank till I was drunk. I learnt I had to be carried inside the waiting vehicle and brought to my hostel room by four girls. 

This was my first experience drinking alcohol. I regretted it deeply the following morning I woke up with my shoes on, those girls could not even remove my shoes, of course they were also tipsy but they were used to drinking. “what a useless life, life with no direction, she muttered loud enough for me to hear. I had severe headache in the morning, it was a hangover. I felt ache all over my body. I had to get up to clean up while I vomited heavily due to excessive drink a night before. It was a terrible experience I did not want to re-live again. 

I told my new ‘prodigal’ friends later in the day, they told me “Journey Just Come” (JJC) “you will get used to it”, they laughed “do you know I still followed them again and again?” unbelievable you say? I did; I get on going until I became a party freak”. 

My former friends cautioned me but I bluntly refused. I later shunned them. Infact, I told one of them never to come near me again. I became arrogant, pompous, carefree.

I never seem to get used to partying though. I just wanted to “belong to the high and mighty on campus. I wanted people to see me as a “big girl”. All these was helping me to move on so I thought. Handover became part of me. Headaches, dizziness were the symptoms. I was living a low life. 

Many of the boys tired molest me but I was wiser than they all. Some wanted a fling overnight but I always refuse because I was not a prostitute but a victim of circumstance. A broken home leaves children and parents broken it is not good for our society. 

People should strive to follow the perfect will of God is marriage, parents should work hard to keep their homes from intruders and should always mend cracks in the home. Marriage is hard work. It is also important to know that both of them should learn to always forgive their partner, forgiveness is part of building a home. 

My determination helped me to keep myself. There was one of the nights, one of the boys drugged my drink. I was about to drink when I heard a familiar voice shouted, No! No! No! don’t you drink it. I paused and look in the direction of the voice and discovered, it was Paul. He drew closer and sat by my side. He picked the bottle and later went outside to pour all. I wanted to grow angry but I was cautioned by my instinct to keep quiet. I waited for him to come back and give me a reasonable explanation. He had better come and give me a good reason why he stopped me from drinking and went ahead to pour my drink away. he returned in good time, looked at me intently and sat down. I felt he was rude but I still kept quiet. I remembered he was really nice in walking me to my hostel when I needed someone by my side. “Was that a good reason why he should behave as if he owns me?”. He cleared his throat and spoke, quietly and soberly, “your drink had been poisoned”, No! No!.

It can be why will anyone do it? Why will they be so callous? We all are here to catch our fun. Why will anyone try this?” I told him I did not believe it. 

“Hmmm, then I made a mistake for saving you. I should never have tried to do so. I was foolish. I will never try it again.” Before I could reply, he had stood and walk away. I was actually dazed, and was really taken a back. I was able to recollect myself and went to look for him. He was nowhere to be found. I checked everywhere around the area, I could not see him. I later met one of the boys to ask his where about, he just hissed and walked away. I heard some of the boys saying later that Paul spoiled their show. What they had been planning for weeks was foiled. Another boy was murmuring saying “her yanga (pride) is too much”. Who does she think she is. She flirts freely with us and wouldn’t want us to touch her. Can you imagine that? Useless girl, he hissed. ‘God save you, hmm God save you”. 

Then the rest could have been imagined. I understood then that they had planned to drug my drink and take their turns to take advantage of me. Ganga molestation? ‘God, I thank you for saving me”, God had used Paul to deliver me from the den of the lion. I became sober, very sober. I felt like screaming my head off. I felt bad for trusting there boys, I was disappointed in myself for not believing Paul. I felt like weeping for hurting him. I was a fool, a very big fool. I made up my mind to look for him in the school and thank him. 

I went to a corner to sit down almost sobbing. I waited quietly for the day to break. I couldn’t sleep nor doze, I desperately desired to go back. No one would agree to take me, moreso their plan had failed who can I even trust among them when it was day, we were all brought back safely to our hostel since that day, I vowed never to go to any party again. I had learnt my lesson. 

The following day, I went round looking for my wonderful savior at the party yesterday, my dear Paul. His thought had flooded my heart, almost from the party till the following morning, my heart became softened and tender towards him. I searched for him in the library, he was not there, I went lecture theatres, he was not there, where could he be? I wondered. I went to the cafeteria intentionally to see if he would be there. I never knew his hostel so it was difficult to locate him. I did not really know him. I did not know his surname talkless of his faculty or department. We had talked that night about “politics”.

Campus life and social things never anything relating to his personal life. I had given up hope that day. I went about my business calmly. I came to study in the university. I attended my usual lectures. I went to do my assignments. I went later to read in the night. When I was done, I was going back to the hostel with one of the girls in my hostel when I heard his voice, saying mockingly, “you did not go to doctor’s party tonight?” “The party freak”. I wondered what was actually motivating you? Why the sudden change in your life? Why did you stoop so low as to reduce yourself to this sort of life? Why have you decided to toy with your life? I am still wondering what was it you were looking for that you are yet to find? And he kept on and on with his why? I couldn’t give a reply. I kept mute. I was deeply humiliated. I felt naked and exposed. I felt dirty and defiled. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me or the would suddenly develop wings and fly away. All I wanted that night was to run away. I was fixed to the same spot. I couldn’t move nor talk. It seems as if a sealed was removed from my eyes, I suddenly came back to my senses. 

By this time, I was actually weeping. It started as sobbing and later it kept on and I broke into uncontrollably tears. I was weeping profusely refusing to be comforted. All pain, troubles, loneliness were turned into ocean of tears. Vengeance left me, I was completely broken down. I kept on weeping until I was done. I resorted to sobbing. He drew closer and held my hands, telling me to stop crying. He kept on apologizing for taunting me so hard. I was not really angry nor mad at him. It was the understanding of who I had become that brought those tears. He had come again to save me from my deteriorating self. I was heading for self-destruction. He came to help me. 

When I was able to speak, I told him simply, “thank you, Paul. You saved me again and again. I deeply appreciate you”. He dropped my hands and look closely at me, and asked how? I knew God helped me to save you yesterday out today, I was taunting and mocking you, I am ashamed of myself”, he said. 

I told him, we will talk later I thanked him once again. We parted ways. I went to sleep in my hostel. He went back to his own likewise. I went to the hostel to sleep? Sleep! No, to think again. I couldn’t sleep, I kept on thinking about my life again. I decided to make a u-turn and return to the “good girl” I was before. I eventually slept off. I woke up to hear the crowing of the cock. I knelt down beside my bed and, spoke to God. I had messed up big time. I wept and wept before God. I felt relieved, I prayed that He would keep me till the end. 

I got up, went to clean up, dressed up. I put on a very light make up and decided to look for Paul. I needed to see Paul. My heart was beating very fast at the thought of meeting Paul.