I'M IN LOVE

I was eager to see Paul, my heart was actually skipping fast, the thought of Paul occupied my heart. I wanted to apologize for my awkward behavior. I wanted him to know that I’ve repented and vowed never to be careless with my life again. I wanted his approval of my person. My heart was actually screaming Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul. 

What was wrong with me? I asked myself. Was I actually falling in love with Paul. Why was the thought of him making my heart beat so fast? What was really disturbing me. Those were my thoughts until I bumped on one of my colleagues. He asked me where I was hearing to, I told him, I was actually looking for a guy called Paul. Which Paul is that? Is it the Paul I saw you with the other time, walking you to the hostel? I shouted, “what! Have you become my pastor or guardian to be mentoring me about in the school? You this boy, you are simply a monitoring spirit. I never knew you noticed that night how he was walking me home. It was actually my first tune of meeting him. He was very nice though”. He laughed loud and long. He replied “Don’t you know there is nothing hidden under the sun? you asked for it. We all know in this campus that you always mind your business, you hardly relate with boys. You are studious and serious. You are fully focused on your academics. You are beautiful and intelligent. You are a combination of beauty and brains, until lately when we started noticing your behavior, somehow careless and rough. You are no longer the disciplined and well behaved lady we are proud of. You have actually been a role model to the young Jambites. You have mentored people without you knowing your mentees”. He kept on speaking with all seriousness. Not again! I thought to myself. This lecture again! First from Paul and then my classmate, Anthony. 

Anthony was one of the boys I had respected on campus. He is a good fine boy. He is disciplined from a very good background. He is from a humble background. The parents are farmers he has had to do menial jobs to sponsor himself into the University. He has little businesses he does to maintain himself on campus. He never ceases to amaze me. I used to call him, “the preacher”. He has one advise or the other to give you. He is like a good brother. 

I replied, thank God for your life, my good preacher, preach on. But why didn’t Mr. Preacher remember to preach the super filty of wickedness out of me? What made you forget to snap your sister out of the mess she was in? brotherly, this is not good enough! I jokingly spoke to him though I was dead serious. How I wish earnestly, that someone had kick the devil out of me, I thought to myself. He replied, “if I had spoken to you then, would you have listened to me? answer me please! Would you have listened to Mr. preacher! I replied in the affirmative nodding my head,”of course, no! I mean capital letter no! you would have regretted ever knowing you. I would have made you swallow all your words. But I thank God, I am back home now. Thank God for using Paul to save me from the jaws of wickedness. I would have been singing a different song of pain, sorrow and despair. God saved me. I’m grateful”.. “thank God, indeed, I am relieved that you got back to your right senses. Your dressing, your continence, disposition says it all. Welcome home sisterly sister.”

As I was about going to see Paul, lo and behold my mother called me. After a long period of time. It has taken about three years if my Imagination served me right. I was in my last year now so was Paul. Paul could have graduated but he was reading Architecture. They spend six years, masters inclusive while mine was four years. 

As soon as she called, I picked her call. She asked after my welfare and the others. I managed to answer her. I decided to speak my piece of mind “how could you have done this to us? You left just like that, when in fact the lady had left my father almost immediately”. “So I heard later but I was still angry as at that time and I wanted none of your dad again”. She replied. “I learnt that your father had not yet married up till now. “No, he hasn’t he has learnt his lessons. The only thing is to occupy his heart, he gave himself to clubbing. Clubbing is his only wife, that was what you caused by your impatience. You had a beautiful you had been building for years. Instead of you to endure till the end. You refused and packed out living the home scattered. A wise woman builds her home by love, patience, prayer while the foolish one tears it down by anger, impatience. You left the children without looking back. You never cared how we are faring. You behaved like a woman that lacked compassion for her children. You had no feelings at all. You became so insensitive to us. You are selfish, egoistic and wicked. Why are you talking or calling now? Why are you disturbing me”. I grew angry, I was so angry that I off the set. I started to cry. As I was weeping profusely, Paul met me there crying, Anthony had left then. Paul became concerned and confused, “why are you crying profusely” what is happening to you? What is the problem? He kept on asking rhetorical questions to which I had no answer. By this time I was sobbing, he pleaded with me to calm down, that we are in the middle of the road. We decided to go the football field. We sat down and talked. I concluded in my heart that I had falling in love with Paul.

I apologized properly for my misbehavior, I appreciated him for saving me again and again. I called him, my savior in the flesh, I believed God placed you there in the library that day to relieve me from pain. Those three hours talk actually helped me. I told him my story, how a beautiful family was torn apart by a strange lady, how my mother was impatience and couldn’t endure just a little to keep her family. I told him. I will never behave like my mom, leaving my children and my husband of several years. I will fight for what God has given me. I will fight and overcome any stranger sent to destroy my home. I will never give the enemy a chance in my home. I really thank him for saving me from the wickedness of the wicked boys. I could have been assaulted or abused if he had not intervened that night. When he spoke to me, I felt ashamed of myself and that was the reason for my transformation. “your words hit me like a thunder bolt. I fell flat. I was deeply broken into pieces. You hit me so badly that all those evil, careless, immoral way left me. I came back to my senses. Let me say, your words were like a sharp knife that went right into my heart, tore stubbornness out of me. I bled and got healed. I jolted back to my senses. I told him I was very grateful. There was no way I could ever forget his kindness towards me.

He smiled, look at my face for a long time and declared, I care about you”. I really do. Thank you for believing in e. I appreciate you too”. I felt as if the heavenly choir had comedown singing for the two of us. 

We started a relationship. Paul was a kind man, it was easy relating with him. Sincerely, he was really there for me. He listened to my emotional burden. He was ever there for me. We read together in the library, he always advised me. There was a time, he called me to call my mom because of the way I cut her call the other day. I had told him about my family problem. Paul was like a big brother to me. I loved him so much. 

I decided to obey him. I called my mom and apologized for the way, I had behaved the other day. She was really glad, she apologized to me too and begged me to forgive her. She told me that she had called my sister and brothers too. We were both glad to reconcile. Now on the same page, she told me about her new husband. The man had been cheating, she said, “what I could not take from your dad, I am enduring it here”. Can you imagine the foolish man bringing his numerous girlfriends to the house eating my food, if I refused to serve them, he would shout,” you better pack your load and leave my house. If you are not ready to serve my babes, pack out, I don’t need you anymore. There can be no two captains in this house”. He would continue ranting until his anger cooled off. “I’m really sick and tired of the man” my mom told me. “I missed my husband, I really do, I have since regretted my actions. But I am afraid he will not take me back. Apart from that little mistake he made, he was a kind, loving man. I don’t think I would ever see a man that truly loved me like that again.

“All things are possible to him that believes”. “I believe you can approach him. Call him and reconnect with him”, I told my mom. She was really encouraged and promised to do so. 

Thinking about my mom’s situation I realized that it is good not to be impatient. Patience is a great virtue. I advise women, even men to always exhibit that good character. 

My mother’s case is like jumping from fry pan to fire. What she rejected may now become the head of the corner. She thought my dad was bad and wicked because of a once time mistake, now she has seen worse situation though I pity her, but it serves her right. Let her learn her lessons well, although I pray she will return to the house and leave that old fool of her husband. 

The thought of my mom returning to the house made me smile. I love this. I pray earnestly it would be so, I muttered.

When I saw Paul, I told him everything, he was my best friend, my confidant, my everything. He was happy I obeyed him to call my mom. “You have really done well, you know I’m proud of you my baby. That is what he used to call me. “My baby” sometimes he used to say, “my big baby”. I was elated for approving of me. The thought of my mom coming back home where she belong was quite appealing to him. He felt, it was a good idea. He believed that my dad would consider her and he himself would be thoroughly healed. He told me to follow up on the idea. “Let us just believe and have no doubt that it will be possible. We must be very positive and pessimistic about this. Your family will really come together and you all will be healed. It will be like the good old days.” He said with assurance in his tone. 

I decided to call my dad and prepare his heart to receive my mom. I made up my mind to test the waters. Testing the waters, yes I did test the waters. 

The more I thought of the idea, the more I loved the idea. I prayed earnestly that my dad would open up to receive her again. I prayed for wisdom to speak to him. 

I did call my dad, he was in the club as usual with his friends. As soon as he knew I was the one, he picked and left his friends to a safe place. I told him first of all, how my mom called me and I spoke my mind, accusing her of impatience, intolerance. He was elated, “she called?, you mean my wife actually called you? After three good years? Did she ask of me?” he quickly said, “how could she, when she is just remembering her children now how could she even forgive me talk less of asking of me? 

I asked my dad teasingly, “you really loved this your wife, I never knew until now. It seems you are happy hearing she called,” to which he replied, no, it is not because of me. I have known she would never forgive me. I think it is because of you children. I use my hands to scatter my family myself. Let me pay the price. It is for you”. “Daddy, will you really be happy to have her back again? Let us assume she forgave you and desire to be back into your life again, will you accept her back again?” “Hmmm, I learnt she had re-married and marry a worse man. I pity her though, I feel it was my fault, I pushed her into it”, he replied soberly.

Somehow, he dodged my question and refused to answer my question directly. Finally, he said, “please greet my wife for me whenever she called. I missed her so much”. I will dad, I will. I hung the call.

I told Paul later, to which he mused and said, “I think your dad is still in love with your mom. He is a very kind man. He still blames himself. I think he deserves something better. He has suffered enough. Let us see how we can encouraged your mom to call him. They can begin again. Yes, they can he said”. I was quite encouraged, I made up my mind to call mom the following day. 

I did call my mom the following day after my lectures. I had gone to see one of the lecturers, my project lecturer, he had helped me correct some of my project papers because I was in chapter three. I took the papers going to the hostel when I suddenly remembered I had not followed up in calling my mom as suggested by my friend, Paul. I got to the hostel, cleaned up and felt refreshed after a whole day running from one lecture theatre to another coupled with the fact that I went to see my lecturer in charge of my project. I did try to put something in my stomach before settling down to do the job. I called her, but she couldn’t pick in time. By the time she saw my missed calls, it was almost time for me to go to the library to read. Paul would be waiting for me. She did pick but I quickly told her to give me till tomorrow. The day had been very busy. I have to go to the library. I felt the need to postpone it because my heart was yearning for Paul. I wanted to see him. I quickly rushed to the library, he was coming from his own hostel too. We met and went to the library together to read. 

Paul was a disciplined man, I quite appreciated him greatly. He treated me like a kid sister, hence the name “my baby”. Anytime he calls me that, I would smile loving the way he draws it. It was so very special. He loves calling me the name because he knew I love to hear him say it again and again. We went to settle down and read. He usually walked me back to the hostel himself almost eveyr night. I enjoyed that. That was always the time we talk about my burden. As soon as we left the library sight. I quickly unburdened myself telling him what had happened, how my mom called much later but I knew he would be waiting for me in the library, I quickly rushed to come out thinking I was late. To which he quickly teased me and said, “hmmm my baby was eager to meet me. But you could have talked to your mom, knowing this is all what we had planned and were waiting for, he correctly me gently. I felt sorry for not speaking to her. I just said, “it is noted, I will not do so next time”. “That is my baby he said grinning”. 

Our relationship continued and we completed our project, did our examination waiting to serve our nation. Our postings came out. He was posted to the East, while I was posted to the North I lost my phone as I went to the market to buy the things to use for my NYSC camp. I think, it fell out from my bag. I lost Paul’s contact and other people’s contact. We could no longer communicate. Painful and very painful. I hope to see him again. He was my ‘messiah’ on campus.