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47. WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

~RUBY

I tried to sleep, to see if my mind would drag the thoughts threatening to overwhelm me into the hidden bottom of the abyss of my mind.

I could not sleep.

I kept thinking.

Something about Xena's entry nagged at me, as though there was a hidden pattern I needed to unravel.

Ash reportedly loved his sex in a rough, dominant way.

Ethan wouldn't mind if the lady took control.

I flashed back to the times I had sex with my husband since we got married, and how the sex seemed to be performed by two different people.

How shy Ethan had seemed when we had open, unhidden sex that didn't involve lights out.

How I never got to see his face on the days that involved rough, dominant sex.

My mind replayed images of Ethan looking confused, disbelief marring his features whenever I indirectly make a reference to the shutting lights - walking away sex, and how he seemed not to remember.

How he always, miraculously, ended up turning out drunk and fully dressed the n
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