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CHAPTER 57: MAGGIE
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TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 58: AUSTIN
Time went too fast. Too fucking fast.Since I kissed Maggie, I had slowly retreated into my own mind. Every day brought a fresh set of memories, slicing open a fresh set of scars. Every day cut open a new wound that bled for hours. Every set of memories started a fresh onslaught of cuts inside my mind that would never heal. Each one had its own shape, it was own meaning, it was own pain.Each one was a reminder of why I couldn’t give Maggie what she deserved. Each one was a reminder why I should have stayed away from her in the first place and why I should now.Broken. Shattered. Mismatched.They were the first three words I thought of when I had to describe myself. They sprung to mind instantly.Useless. Worthless. Nothing.They were the next three. The words that were drummed into my mind so many times, by so many voices, for so long. They were the words that crept under your skin, worm their way into you and never left.A good word can linger with you for a few fleeting moments whi
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 59: MAGGIE
My bed smelled like him, and I was being a total teenage girl by snuggling under the covers instead of getting up. It was a spicy scent that was so out of place in California, but so right for him.I felt a little like Juliet right now, secretly in love and holding onto it desperately. Of course that was probably much more suitable for a thirteen year old to do than me, but I’ll take it because it was all I had.The idea of telling Jack crossed my mind. Why not? That was the decent thing to do – the right thing to do. I should just tell him and get it over with. He’ll probably ignore me for a few days and okay, punch Austin, but surely that would be easier than pretending?No, it wouldn’t. Telling him would mean admitting that both of us lied about last weekend – kind of. A lie of omission. Telling him would just cause unnecessary pain for all of us. It would tear Jack up and it would tear Austin and me apart before we’d even been together.But were we even together? I had no idea. No
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 60: AUSTIN
You’re worth nothing. You’re no better than your whore of a mother.Her body against mine. Hand on hand. Skin on skin.You think anyone will ever want you, you brat? They won’t.The softness of her hand against mine.You are nothing.The gentle aroma of vanilla that was settling on her hair.No one will want you. Maggie. You’re no better than her. I’m not there. Little rat. I’m here. With Maggie.Maggie.The warmth of her body against my back grounded me, holding me in the now when all my mind wanted to do was give in and go back. Give in and go back to the time of my life I didn’t want anyone exposed to. The time I didn’t want Maggie exposed to.I knew I needed to leave. Now. I needed to push her window open and climb down that fucking tree.Instead I turned and held her to me.My hands splayed across her back, my fingertips digging into her skin, and she wrapped her arms around my waist. Her face pressed into my neck and she brushed her lips across my collarbone, a feather light tou
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 61: MAGGIE
“Come on!” Kayle begged. “It’s Sunday. Who the fuck does school work on a Sunday?” “I do,” I told her. “It has to be in tomorrow, so I have to do it.” “Didn’t you stay in last night to do this?” She raised her eyebrow. “Yes.” “So why didn’t you do it?” Because I was busy with my sort-of-almost-boyfriend. “Because I fell asleep early.” “You never go to sleep early.” “Oh my God! What is this? Interrogate Maggie time?” I slammed my pen down and looked up at her. “Do you want me to tell you my turn-on spot while you’re here? Shit, Kayle!” She snorted. “No offense, babe, but I’m not really into you like that, so we’ll pass on the turn-on spot. But why were you asleep early?” “Gee, I don’t know, Kayle. Why do people usually go to sleep? Could it be because they’re tired?” I sighed. “Shit the bed, someone is expecting Mother Nature!” “Not for two to three weeks.” “Then you must be pregnant … Oh wait–” “Kayle? Go fuck yourself.” “I’m going,” she muttered, pulling the door open. “
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 62: AUSTIN
“Remember where you’ve been to see how far you’ve come,” I mumbled to myself, pushing the psych paper aside. “Yeah alright, Gramps. Fuckin’ helps if you’ve actually got somewhere, though, doesn’t it?”I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes, rubbing harshly. Hear something enough and it’ll be burned into your body, scarring your skin and tattooing itself in your mind. It didn’t matter how long ago the words were said. It just mattered that they were.Thirteen years and I didn’t feel like I had got anywhere. So what if I was not the scared little boy in the corner anymore? He was still inside. He was still afraid, still shivering. He was still bruised, he was still broken, and he was still beaten.Just because I appeared not to give a fuck didn’t mean I actually didn’t. Not everyone was what they seemed, and I was one of those people. I didn’t even know who I was, because I spent so much time fighting against who I didn’t want to be. I had no time to be who I wanted to be. I had no
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 63: MAGGIE
I must be the only person in my class that will read a classic novel for anything other than requirement. I couldn’t think of anyone I knew that would pick up Jane Eyre, Little Women, or Tess of the D’Urbervilles for pleasure.In fact, they were not even my first choice. Little Women came in a close second, but Pride and Prejudice will always win out. There was something beautiful about a couple from two different backgrounds traveling along the bumpy road of love until it was undeniable, and there was something even more beautiful about watching that journey happen. Flicking through the pages anxiously waiting for that sweet first kiss, the passion filled argument, the final declaration. There was something that pulled me in and took me away from the real world.There really was no place like the one you find between the pages of a book.The only place that came close was in the arms of the person you love.Perhaps that was why with Jack in class all day, I was sitting on the corner
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 64: AUSTIN
Seeing her with another guy – no matter how innocent or friendly it was – put a part of my brain into overdrive that was only ever roared to life for me. The need to grab her arm, drag her out of that diner, and pin her against the wall while I kissed her senseless almost took over. The need to protect her from every other ass in this town, hell, in the state, was almost our undoing.It was something no one would understand. For the first time in my life I had started to let someone in, let them be there, all while taking what they had to offer. And that was the problem. I was taking from Maggie but I was not giving back to her – I was not giving her what she deserved, yet, somehow, she knew exactly what I seem to need. All the time.For the first time in my life I had let myself feel something other than the things that fuck up my mind. I had let her in. The one girl I knew could undo me with a simple smile or one glance into those little blue eyes – and she did. Every single time, s
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 65: MAGGIE
“Did she really never tell you about your dad?” I asked, drawing circles on Austin’s arm with my fingertip.“No. Gramps told me a few years ago she went away for a friend’s birthday and a few weeks later found out she was pregnant. She swore there was only him but she couldn’t remember his name,” he replies. “It didn’t matter, anyway. I had my Gramps, and that was what mattered. He was there when no one else was.”“He sounds like an amazing man,” I said, tilting my head back and staring into his gray eyes. “It makes it easy to understand where you get it from.”He made a noise of disbelief. “I’m not amazing, baby, far from it.”“The beauty of being an outsider is that I can see what you can’t,” I argued. “You might not see it yet, you might never see it, but you are.” I raise my hand to his face, stroke my thumb down his cheek and across the faint stubble on his jaw. And I’m not lying – I can see everything he can’t. I can see the beauty of him hiding behind the ugly memories of his p
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