Staring out into the deep blue sea. Thunder clouds begin to form in the sky. “Alpha Wes is my father?” Ava stands tall next to me, “Yes.” I question her, “You’re absolutely sure of that?” She nods once more, “Luna Bernie knew your mother when she was with Alpha Wes.” I’m trying to wrap my mind around all of this knowing I have to return to the packhouse. Pretending I know nothing.
“Alpha Wes brought your mother here to meet his father. At the time Gavin was the Alpha. He knew your mother was a witch right away. He could smell it.” I recall, “My mother wasn’t a witch.” Not that I can remember. “She was born a witch. Clea didn’t have to practice magic. She had the blood of a Harlow.” I’m a Harlow too, “How did Alpha Wes not smell it on me?”
Ava shrugs, “That I don’t know. But we should start heading back before they realize we’re gone.” She turns to walk back to the car. I grab her by the wrist to swing her back to me. “Is there anything else that you’re hiding from me?” Ava pulls her hand from my grasp. “I know it’s messy. Alpha Wes and Luna Bernie don’t talk about it. Sometimes The Luna visits Gavin. He lives in a lighthouse at Point Conception up in Santa Barbara. But you can never go there.”
So that’s it then. Another dead end. “I finally found my father but I can’t tell him that I’m his daughter. My grandfather lives nearby and I’m not to visit him. Do I have that right?” I can tell that Ava feels bad. “Yes. At least for now. I’m sorry I lied to you Aster. I hope you can forgive me one day.” I tuck her hair behind her ear. “I already do.” My lips brush against hers for a moment.
We almost kiss, “I’m still drawn to you Ava.” The energy between us is magnetic and undeniable. She kisses me but I push her away, “Reed. I’m his now.” Ava steps back, “You don’t want me anymore?” I shake my head, “This is all happening so fast. I can’t fucking think straight Ava. Of course I want you. I want Reed too. I’m lost in a world where I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
I need time to process all of this. “I understand.” Ava says. “Let’s head back.” She adds. We hop in the car and drive back to the packhouse in silence. There’s so many things I want to know. My thoughts are racing. “You can’t let anyone hear those thoughts Aster.” Right, “Well how the fuck am I going to stop them?”
We get out of the car. Ava puts her hand on my forehead. “Mind over matter. You have to focus. Don’t let anyone catch you thinking or envisioning the things that you want to keep private.” Sounds easier said than done, “I’m not sure I can do that.” Ava looks deep into my eyes, “You have to or they might kill us.” So I’m supposed to just forget everything? “What about Reed. How am I to keep this from him?” Ava rolls her eyes, “Reed’s your fated mate. He already knows.”
I wonder if that means that Reed can hear and feel my every thought or emotion no matter where I am. Ava nods, “He sure can.” That’s just great, “So he knows you kissed me.” She smiles, “And he also knows that you kissed me back.” I raise my finger, “No I didn’t. I pushed you away Ava.” She skips up the front steps of the packhouse bar entrance, “You still want me. You made that very clear.” She walks inside. I’m so not ready for this.
My feet drag with every step as I slowly walk to the corner of the porch. I like this spot. There’s a good view of the moon when it rises over the hills. I just wish we could see the ocean from here.
You can.
I close my eyes and I feel his pain. Reed knows that I still have feelings for Ava. But he also knows how much I love him. It’s like we were destined to be with one another. There’s no denying that. A vision of him on the roof flashes in my mind. I walk inside and glance at Ava behind the bar. She points to a door behind her. There’s a door inside the storage closet that says roof access on it. I walk upstairs into an empty old attic. There’s nothing up here. Is that a ladder?
Once I reach the rooftop I can see the ocean far out in the distance. This is beautiful. “So are you.” Reed came out of nowhere. “You scared me.” I snap at him. He laughs, “You don’t have to be afraid of me Aster.” That’s not what I meant, “I’m not.” He gets serious, “Aren’t you?” I wonder to myself why he would feel that way. Am I sending off that vibe? “I was worried that you were gonna be mad at me about Ava.” His face shows no emotions.
He sighs, “The heart wants what the heart wants and I know yours wants mine. For some reason your soul wants Ava too and that’s not easy for me to swallow.” I put my hands in my pockets and shuffle to the edge of the rooftop to get a better view. “I don’t know what it is about her but I don’t feel the same as I do with you.” He comes to my side, “I know. That’s why I’m not mad. It just sucks.” He stares out into the sea. “Yeah, I get that. I’m sorry.”
Reed grabs my hand, “I had no idea about your father.” I shake my head, “Don’t even speak of it. Don’t think about it. Not here.” He agrees, “When the time is right we’ll handle it together.” I half smile at him, “Okay.”
He picks me up off the ground and asks, “Do you trust me?” I wrap my arms around him, “Yeah. I think I do.” He leaps off the building. I scream at the top of my lungs. We land safely on the ground on the side of the packhouse. He puts me down carefully. “Holy shit Reed. A warning would have been nice.” He smirks at me, “I could say the same thing to you.” Ouch, “Yeah I guess you’re right.”
He leans down and whispers in my ear, “Do I have to worry about you working with Ava?” I sigh, “No. I’m good. I can control myself. But you may want to warn her to do the same.” He kisses my cheek and turns away, “I’ll leave that to you.” He runs out back. I take a deep breath and prepare myself to face her again.
I’m pretty sure I’m dead. I prop myself up onto my elbow in a puddle of blood. There’s bits and pieces of torn up flesh surrounding me. I look down at my hands, and there’s dirt underneath my fingernails. Where the fuck are my clothes? There’s blood splatter all over me. My heart is beating out of my chest. I draw my hands near my face, and watch as blood trickles down my arm. That’s not my blood. My mind is racing, and I can only concentrate on one single action. Run. I’m barefoot running through the forest. I can’t remember how I got here, but I know I gotta get the fuck out. My legs are moving faster than my feet. I can’t keep up. Shit. I fall to the ground and quickly bounce back up into my sprint. The rocks and roots under my feet don’t even hurt. I reach the highway. My car is parked diagonally on the shoulder. The driver’s side door is open, and the interior lights are on. Thank God it’s barely sunrise. I pop my trunk, grab my skate bag and dig through my roller derby gea
Driving from coast to coast is as daunting as it seems. I feel trapped in this car. My skin itches in places I can’t reach. I feel both headstrong and psychotic at the same time. I’ve been driving for four days, sleeping when I can, barely eating or sleeping. I can’t shake the sight of all the blood. What happened back there? That wasn’t me. I would never kill anyone. The flashes could be dreams. Just figments of my fucked up imagination. My head hurts, and my eyes feel like sand was thrown in them. I’m exhausted, staring blankly out the window. Wondering what it is I could have done. I killed a person. An actual human being with a bleeding heart. What if I’m not human? Somehow I manage to put that thought out of my mind. There’s a gas station on the side of the highway up ahead. I’ll pull in there. I gotta take a piss, and grab some water. Maybe a bite to eat. There’s a strange man staring at me in the car next to me. He glances over and raises his eyebrows. Gross. I reverse o
Ava’s beast of a boyfriend is gaining on us. Every turn I take, I think I’m gonna lose him, but he finds me. It’s almost as if he knows where I am at all times. Not me, Ava. “Does he have a tracker on you or something?” I ask her in a fury. She doesn’t answer but it looks like she wants to. He’s right behind me now. I only have a few options here. Maybe this isn’t my mess, and I don’t want to get involved. I could stop right here and kick her ass to the curb. Ava grimaces in my direction. It’s almost as if she can hear what I’m thinking. “Yeah, I sure can.” She blurts out. “What the fuck?” I say back, confused. Something shifts in my soul. My head feels funny. I feel Ava’s presence in a way I’ve never felt before. “If we don’t get away from him, he’s going to kill me.” She stares out the back window. My car can go faster. “He’s not going to get to you Ava.” I throw my car in high gear. “I won’t let him kill you.” Rain starts to fall. Perfect. I’m cornering my ride like it’s on rails
Everything in my gut is telling me that Ava is special, but I need to be careful. She’s staring straight into my soul. It’s like we’re already connected. This has to be a dream. She shakes her head no. I look into her eyes, and I’m melting. We’re about the same height, she’s just a bit shorter than I am. Ava leans over the console. She carefully reaches her hand up and cups my face. This feels so natural, but I don’t even know her. She puts her lips on mine. I freeze in this moment. No thoughts. Just her tongue in my mouth. She bites my lip gently as she pulls away. Ava manages to act shy and tucks her hair behind her ears. “So where are you going exactly?” She asks me. I question whether she already knows. Perhaps not. “California. The ocean is calling me. What about you, where’s home?” Maybe she’s from here. Then again how could a dry ass desert produce such a precious gem of a mermaid? She curls her long red hair around her fingers, and smiles again. “I live in Malibu actually. I
The glowing yellow super moon shines bright over the mountains of the Mojave Desert. I feel like I’m on autopilot. Ava is fast asleep, her head rests on the window. I can’t stop thinking about her even though she’s right next to me. It pains me to think that beast wants to hurt her. I will always protect her. I’m trying to keep myself awake with music. My eyes keep drifting off the road. I may not be able to stay awake. She depleted my energy with her fingers. I pull into the Joshua Tree National Park. There’s a few dirt roads off to the side before the main park entrance. I roll my car quietly behind a cluster of rocks and trees. My head is swimming with thoughts. I turn off my engine, and carefully pull my tarot cards out of the glove box. Ava doesn’t even move. She’s out cold. I step out, and shuffle my deck. The Eight of Cups flips onto the hood of my car. The illustration is perfect. There’s eight cups stacked carefully on the ground. A man is walking away from them towards the
Trouble seems to keep finding me. Ava and I run to my car without looking back. I quickly pop my trunk, throw the bags in, and start my engine. Why are we running? I sense Ava is hiding something, “What did you steal?” I yell at her as I swiftly back out between the shoppers in the parking lot. There’s an employee running out of the store, I can see him in my rear view mirror. “Buckle up.” I hook a left to weave through the parked cars, and drive down a different lane to the exit. He might have been able to see my make and model, but not my plate number. “Where’s the hotel, Ava?” I don’t know which way to turn. “Go right, she says.” Whatever she stole, it better be worth all of this. I’m mad now, and I don’t let her in to my head. I can feel her trying to read me. She can’t. “You better start talking Ava.” I look at her intensely. “Just keep driving Aster.” She’s being snarky and I don’t like it. I’m not the one who stole shit. This is pissing me off greatly. Ava uses the map on her
My skin crawls. I don’t want to answer the door. Ava is naked standing right in front of me. The knocking gets louder. I’m caught up in the moment and the person on the other side of the door is uninvited. My fangs burst through my gums. I can feel my vision change. My claws launch out of my fingertips. The soap drops from my hands. Ava looks half worried but I’d never hurt her. I raise my hands to her waist. She slides the shower curtain open. I see my half wolf self in the mirror. “Holy fucking shit.” I can’t believe what I’m seeing. There’s no hair growth. No wolf snout. My eyes are glowing so bright I imagine they can be seen in the dark. The knocking on the door makes me growl. I didn’t know I could even do that. “I kind of like it.” She puts her finger on my nose, “Stay here. I’m going to answer the door.” Ava puts on a robe. When the fear of who could be at the door kicks in, I become human again. Or whatever I am. What am I? Am I even human? I don’t even know. The only thing
Ava is asleep in my arms. I carefully free myself from her. I’m feeling disoriented and sore. Looking in the bathroom mirror I can see that it clearly wasn’t a dream. There’s a few scratches and light bruising on my neck. I sit in the tub and let the shower water fall on me like a rain storm. For a moment I get lost in the thought of this being some kind of forever. I shuffle my tarot cards on the coffee table. My heart thinks it’s possible for me to have some kind of a happy life with Ava. The World and the Ten of Cups. I shake my head. It’s like these cards are mocking that very thought. They show me harmonious happiness along with achievement and completion. If only life could truly be that easy. I watch Ava sleep for a few minutes. She’s absolutely everything I never knew I wanted. I know I could love her. There’s a cosmic connection here for sure. Some people never know a love like this. Ava could leave tomorrow but yet ten years from now if I saw her, I know I’d feel the same.