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I think I am dying. It is the only way I can describe the sensation. Everything starts leaving me. There is nothing left in the world but me on that table with his hand sealing my mouth shut, my legs wide open, and the friction of his long fingers working me. Forceful, fast,
possessive. Then even that goes and I disintegrate and become one with pure pleasure. Waves and waves of it.But it doesn’t last. I don’t die. I come back. To voiceless sobbing and acute embarrassment. His fingers are still inside me, and I’ve squirted all over his fine furniture.I look up into his cold eyes and I think they will mock me, but they don’t. His eyes are more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen in my life. I feel breathless. I am transfixed by his eyes. I feel as if I’m being sucked into them. The water is cold but it is impossible to resist. It pulls me deeper and deeper.Slowly, he takes his hand away from my mouth and I inhale a shuddering breath. His headRelated chapters
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Nikolai “Y ou’re nothing but a big bully.”The words reverberate around in my brain like an echo. I thought I had killed that motherfucker, but it is not dead. The past can never die. It lies down quietly in a dark well of sorrow, and when you least expect, it jumps out at you. After all these years. The scars have outwardly healed, but the ugliness underneath remains as vivid as yesterday. I turn away from her quickly. I don’t want her to see. Not her. I’m already too exposed. Too vulnerable.My hand shakes as I close the door behind me. I hear her crying and I want to go to her, but I won’t. It’s not safe for me.The past. There is no escaping it. It’s not dead.It’s still calling … Twenty-six Years Ago … “Boys can you come down, please,” our housekeeper, Duscha, calls.I turn instantly to my younger brother, Pavel. It is a late autum
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Star Before the hour is up I hear the sound of a motorbike roaring to the front. Minutes later there is a quiet knock, and when I open it Celine is standing outside. She looks at me strangely. I know my eyes are swollen and red.“Your new phone has arrived. A woman who can teach you how to use it is also here.”I follow her downstairs where a young Italian girl smiles at me and proceeds to show me how to use the phone. It is very different from mine and I have never heard of the brand before, but she is a good teacher, the interface is easy, and soon I am using it confidently.“That’s it. If you have any problems don’t hesitate to call me,” she says standing up. “I’m sorry you had to come out at this time of the night.”She grins broadly. “I wish more people would call me out at this time of the night. I’m getting paid almost a week’s wages for this, so believe me when I tell you, it is no hardship at all.”
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Star I wake up early and check my new phone. No calls or messages. I go into the beautiful marble bathroom and take a shower. Wrapped up in a fluffy robe, I sit on my bed, and call Nan. She asks how I am and I tell her that I am better, and that I will be going to see mydad tomorrow.“Yes, that would be good. He was asking about you yesterday.” “I’ll see him tomorrow,” I repeat.“What are you and Nigel up to today?”I close my eyes. This part is even more painful. “Not much. We’ll probably stay in today.” “Probably best. You stay indoors until you feel completely better.”“Yeah, I will.”“If you want I’ll make you some soup and your grandad can take it around to you.” “No, don’t do that. I’m almost better.”“Are you sure, Love? Cause it’s no trouble.”“No need. Rosa said she’ll bring something around.” “All right then.”“I’ll call you tomorrow.”I hang up with a sigh, and c
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In minutes the other children start to file in followed by Igor. Some of them glance at us, but most of them keep their eyes firmly on the floor. No one says anything. A boy with brown hair and sad eyes comes to stand near my cot. “You will sleep over there,” Igor says, and points to another empty cot. Without a word of protest the boy moves to the other cot.In minutes, everybody, including Pavel and me, have changed into our pajamas and climbed into our beds. The lights go off and the door closes. In the sad silence, Igor’s footsteps echo as he walks down the corridor.I turn to face Pavel.His big bright eyes are gleaming in the faint moonlight coming in through the windows. I put my finger on my lips to indicate that he should remain silent. When I can hear that all the other children are sleeping soundly, I climb into bed with Pavel. I notice that he is sucking his thumb, something he has not done since he was a baby, but I say not
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Star For a few seconds I stare rebelliously at him. Then it occurs to me that if I don’t obey he might decide to take matters into his own hands, and then he will see how right his assessment has been. I can feel how wet I am. I take my panties off. Bunching them upin my fist, I drop them into his outstretched palm.“I expect to find you bare when I return,” he says before he walks out. It’s a strange sensation to walk around without my underwear. I’ve never done it, especially not while wearing such a short dress. It is at once liberating and slightly worrying. What if a sudden breeze picks up my skirt or I have an accident? Everyone will Since the weather is so lovely I decide to take a walk in the grounds. I veer off the path and walk on the carefully manicured carpet of grass towards a pretty red-brick and stone building. I walk up the steps and try the wooden door
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Nikolai All day long I tried to forget her. I told myself I didn’t need to rush back for a bit of pussy. Then, like a cheap strung-out addict, I climb into my car in the early morning hours, and speed to her body, my cock hard as stone. Fuck, I even run up the stairs. She sleeps with only a thin sheet to cover her. I walk up to her and look down on her. It’s like looking at a fucking angel. Something I dreamed up.I lift the sheet. Her nightgown has ridden up. I lay my hand on her thigh and push the nightgown upwards.She is bare underneath. One good thing. She knows how to take instructions.She wakes up then. In the dark she opens her legs in invitation. My body becomes electric with anticipation. I unzip my trousers and take my rigid cock out. Getting on the bed, I plunge it into her sweet cunt. She cries out. The sound is feral and uncontrolled, exciting me.I don’t use a condom and she doesn’t ask for o
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StarThe first thought in my head when I wake up is the shocking way I gave myself to Nikolai last night. Completely. Without any inhibitions. As if I was desperate for him. My fingernails raking his back, my hips pushing up, forcing him deeper and deeper intome. If Nigel could have seen me. How greedy I was. He would be so shocked. I close my eyes at the memory.We didn’t even use a condom. Worse still, I don’t regret it. I wanted to feel him bare inside me. I still do. Even now, just thinking about him makes me throb with desire.My hand strays between my legs.My flesh is distended and puffy. Ever since I arrived here I have been like this, and I cannot understand why. Why he has this effect on me. I don’t even like or respect him. He exploited Nigel’s weakness and blackmailed him so he could get what he wanted. That is despicable behavior.Besides, he makes it abundantly clear that he only wants me for one thing. Not even the smallest hint of tenderness has he shown to me. He use
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StarThe door opens and I jump. Without even saving my work I hurriedly shut my computer and look up. It is a force of habit. I actually feel guilty when I write. As if I’m wasting my time, or indulging myself. I never felt like that until that time I gave my work toNot even Rosa knows about that one time. I never told her because it hurt me so much I locked it away somewhere deep inside me and just pretended it never happened. After that I learned to write in secret.What did he say that hurt me so bad?Well, he kissed me gently on the forehead and said, “You know I love you and I want only the best for you, right?”My heart was breaking as I nodded.“I’m going to be really honest because I don’t want you to go down the wrong path. Is that okay?” Dumbly I nodded.“I’m afraid to say it’s very childish, my darling.” “It’s a children’s book,” I whispered.“I get that, but it’s just badly written. I don’t want you to get hurt and rejected by other people. Maybe you can try again when yo
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