Star
For a few seconds I stare rebelliously at him. Then it occurs to me that if I don’t obey he might decide to take matters into his own hands, and then he will see how right his assessment has been. I can feel how wet I am. I take my panties off. Bunching them upin my fist, I drop them into his outstretched palm.“I expect to find you bare when I return,” he says before he walks out.It’s a strange sensation to walk around without my underwear. I’ve never done it, especially not while wearing such a short dress. It is at once liberating and slightly worrying. What if a sudden breeze picks up my skirt or I have an accident? Everyone willSince the weather is so lovely I decide to take a walk in the grounds. I veer off the path and walk on the carefully manicured carpet of grass towards a pretty red-brick and stone building. I walk up the steps and try the wooden doorNikolai All day long I tried to forget her. I told myself I didn’t need to rush back for a bit of pussy. Then, like a cheap strung-out addict, I climb into my car in the early morning hours, and speed to her body, my cock hard as stone. Fuck, I even run up the stairs. She sleeps with only a thin sheet to cover her. I walk up to her and look down on her. It’s like looking at a fucking angel. Something I dreamed up.I lift the sheet. Her nightgown has ridden up. I lay my hand on her thigh and push the nightgown upwards.She is bare underneath. One good thing. She knows how to take instructions.She wakes up then. In the dark she opens her legs in invitation. My body becomes electric with anticipation. I unzip my trousers and take my rigid cock out. Getting on the bed, I plunge it into her sweet cunt. She cries out. The sound is feral and uncontrolled, exciting me.I don’t use a condom and she doesn’t ask for o
StarThe first thought in my head when I wake up is the shocking way I gave myself to Nikolai last night. Completely. Without any inhibitions. As if I was desperate for him. My fingernails raking his back, my hips pushing up, forcing him deeper and deeper intome. If Nigel could have seen me. How greedy I was. He would be so shocked. I close my eyes at the memory.We didn’t even use a condom. Worse still, I don’t regret it. I wanted to feel him bare inside me. I still do. Even now, just thinking about him makes me throb with desire.My hand strays between my legs.My flesh is distended and puffy. Ever since I arrived here I have been like this, and I cannot understand why. Why he has this effect on me. I don’t even like or respect him. He exploited Nigel’s weakness and blackmailed him so he could get what he wanted. That is despicable behavior.Besides, he makes it abundantly clear that he only wants me for one thing. Not even the smallest hint of tenderness has he shown to me. He use
StarThe door opens and I jump. Without even saving my work I hurriedly shut my computer and look up. It is a force of habit. I actually feel guilty when I write. As if I’m wasting my time, or indulging myself. I never felt like that until that time I gave my work toNot even Rosa knows about that one time. I never told her because it hurt me so much I locked it away somewhere deep inside me and just pretended it never happened. After that I learned to write in secret.What did he say that hurt me so bad?Well, he kissed me gently on the forehead and said, “You know I love you and I want only the best for you, right?”My heart was breaking as I nodded.“I’m going to be really honest because I don’t want you to go down the wrong path. Is that okay?” Dumbly I nodded.“I’m afraid to say it’s very childish, my darling.” “It’s a children’s book,” I whispered.“I get that, but it’s just badly written. I don’t want you to get hurt and rejected by other people. Maybe you can try again when yo
I follow her up to her bedroom. The maids have been around to turn down the bed and light the bedside lamps. She stops in the middle of the room and half-turns to look at me. Even if I didn’t know what an invitation looked like I couldn’t miss that one. I look at her mouth slightly open, her cheeks flushed, and I want to hold her tight and kiss her so bad it fucking hurts, but that scenario is not in the cards.Not for me.I walk up to her and I hear her inhale sharply. My fingers graze the silky skin at the back of her neck as I grasp the top of her zip. The sound is loud in the silence of the room. She bends her head.A waiting gesture. Quiet. Profound.I let the dress fall around her ankles. Underneath she is not wearing her bra or panties. Perfect.I loosen my tie and pull it off. The sound of silk dragging on silk is like a secret whisper. Her body tenses. I catch her right wrist, then her left, and ho
I don’t sleep for hours after he leaves me. I lay on the bed, my nipples and clit throbbing, and stare blankly at the ceiling. What is happening to me? I’ve never been like this. I think of Nigel. I think of our wedding. How proud I was of him. I remember our honeymoon. But none of it was ever like this. Sure we tried handcuffs and other toys, but most of the time I just wanted to giggle. At no time was it like this.I sit up. My sex is so swollen I can’t close my thighs properly. I walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My mascara is clumpy and I just look slutty and horrible. I hear my phone ping. My dad looked so well today that I am pretty sure it’s not the hospital, nevertheless I hurry awkwardly to it.It is Nigel. I can beat this if I know you are there for me. Don’t let go, Star. Don’t let anything change. I love you. I feel so confused I can’t bri
W hen I come down after seeing my dad I get into the car and, as casually as I can, tell Oleg that I need to go and see a friend. He nods politely and I give him Rosa’s address. “Wait here for me, please,” I instruct, and quickly walk up the path to her building’s entrance. I’m so nervous my hands are shaking as I ring on the doorbell. Nigel buzzes me up immediately.By the time I get to the fourth floor he is waiting for me outside the lift. He looks well, very well. There is no trace of sadness or regret in his face. I’m not sure how I feel about that.He smiles at me and I smile back at him. With complete confidence, he curls his arm around my back possessively, and leads me into her apartment. Inside, he wraps his arms around me and tries to kiss me, but I evade him.“Don’t,” I mutter, and walk away from him. “What’s the matter?”“Nothing. I just need a bit of time.” He looks at me strangely. “Okay.” “So how are
NikolaiI stare at the director in shock. I know about men like him. Mama warned me about them when I was Pavel’s age.He smiles at me before gently taking his penis out. It is small, fat and white. He strokes it lovingly and it grows. A sigh escapes his thin lips. I stay frozen in my chair. He spreads the white handkerchief on his lap and carefully, tenderly, as if it is the most precious thing in the world, lays his penis on top.“Just put your hand on me,” he coaxes in a thick voice. “You can make your phone call after that.”I stare at the white worm and consider my options. He makes my skin crawl. I don’t want to touch him but I need to make that phone call.“Don’t you want to call your uncle to come and take you and your brother away?” he asks. I nod.“So come on over and kneel down in front of me.”I stand and take the two steps that put me right in front of him.“Go on. Get on your knees. The sooner you do this the quicker you can call your uncle.” I kneel in front of him.He
StarFor the next four days I don’t see Nikolai. I write, I ride, I swim, I walk the wonderful grounds and I try unsuccessfully to befriend Belyy Smert, but he steadfastly refuses all my overtures.Every day at lunchtime I go to visit my father and I chat with Rosa over the phone. Every morning and night I call Nigel and we talk. We seem to have come to a strange sort of truce. We behave more like friends. He tells me about his progress at Gamblers Anonymous and I tell him about my riding efforts. The unspoken understanding is that everything will go back to normal between us when this month is over. He must guess that things can never truly be the same, but I don’t think he realizes how different they will be. How much I’ve changed.During the night I find it hard to sleep, so I read until the early morning hours. I’ve already read two old classics and now I’m almost finished with Their Eyes Were Watching God.Time passes quickly and I keep myself busy, but inside I know I am waiting