30

Star

For the next four days I don’t see Nikolai. I write, I ride, I swim, I walk the wonderful grounds and I try unsuccessfully to befriend Belyy Smert, but he steadfastly refuses all my overtures.

Every day at lunchtime I go to visit my father and I chat with Rosa over the phone. Every morning and night I call Nigel and we talk. We seem to have come to a strange sort of truce. We behave more like friends. He tells me about his progress at Gamblers Anonymous and I tell him about my riding efforts. The unspoken understanding is that everything will go back to normal between us when this month is over. He must guess that things can never truly be the same, but I don’t think he realizes how different they will be. How much I’ve changed.

During the night I find it hard to sleep, so I read until the early morning hours. I’ve already read two old classics and now I’m almost finished with Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Time passes quickly and I keep myself busy, but inside I know I am waiting