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19
That’s a good question to ask a shrink, as I want to know.
His face appears above me and I jump a little in fright; I wasn’t expecting him so suddenly, maybe it wasn’t sudden. I have been taking long pauses to daydream between replies. This is a weird angle, but even down here he looks gorgeous.Why can’t you look ugly from at least one angle, Carrero? Even the odds up a little. Maybe have a double chin or something.“Nothing … You deserve so much more than someone like him.” He seems serious, and just hot. Too hot.“I’m part of him … I have his blood … But he didn’t want to know me.” I sigh dejectedly as he moves from above me and on to the couch beside me; he has a glass which clinks with ice and slides it on the low table to my left. He sits near my head so he can look down at my face and he’s no longer smiling. He seems blank.“Does he want to know you now? Is thRelated chapters
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The sun piercing tiny slices through the drapes is worse than having salt poured in my eyes. The nausea hits as I try to sit up and my mouth waters crazily. My cell is by the bed, and I realize it’s been switched off; I never switch it off, I don’t even know what time it is and I could have missed a multitude of calls.I swallow down the bile and reach for the glass beside my bed, lukewarm water will have to do. I know I should remember last night but after my third drink on the couch I don’t remember much else. I don’t do hard liquor, so it’s no surprise.I’m a total lightweight.I know at one-point Jake came back; I think.Maybe.I have strange images of him leaning over me with his tie hanging free; I’m not even sure if it was a dream or a memory from another time.I shower fast to combat the dizziness and ram toast and paracetamol down my throat in the sitting area in a bid to recover quickly. The place is s
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I’m falling apart; I don’t shout at Jake. I don’t shout at anyone like this. I’ve more control than this now, I’m no longer that hostile teen Emma.“It affects you.” He’s equally riled, but I don’t care.Be angry. You started this, Jake. Leave me alone.“This doesn’t affect my ability to work for you, therefore it’s none of your business.” I snarl through gritted teeth.“You are my business; we work together almost every second of almost every day. Our relationship goes a little deeper than boss and assistant. It depends on trust and honesty to be able to work this way.” His voice is heated, he reaches for me again and I move out of the way, tense, and prickling. If he touches me, I may lash out, I need to go to my room. “I trust you with every detail of my life; would be nice if you did the same.” His voice matches mine, tense and tempered, rage bubbling between
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He’s back in playful mode and for once it doesn’t irritate me, it relieves me. This is what I need.“Knew you couldn’t hate me for long, Bambino.” He’s still smiling and trying to look convincingly assured while failing.Yeah, of course, you were so confident when I walked in.I remember his stressed posture and lost look, only moments before.“Hmm, the jury is still out on that,” I answer impassively. I could never hate Jake. He throws me a mock injured look and I push him harder this time, so he falls back onto the couch with flailing arms and a shocked expression.Easy there, teen Emma, he’s still your boss.“Hey, woman! Any more of that and I’ll have to retaliate. I can promise you; my kind of physical exertion will put some color in your cheeks.” He gets up as though he’s going to grab me and I squeal, throwing out my arms toward him and shoving him straight back down wit
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It’s late, and he’s out with some blonde bimbo who posed in Playboy who’s all fake boobs and Botox with an irritating laugh and a weird pair of overly plump lips. We fly home tomorrow so he’s letting off steam Carrero style. Loose women, booze, and a nightclub. So very Jake.I glance at the clock in distraction, noticing how quiet it is when he’s not around to frustrate me. I don’t get his fascination with nightclubs, all that loud, thumping music grinding bodies, and stifling air. But then Jake’s fascination with jumping out of planes and down buildings is beyond me too. He’s the original adrenaline junkie and never seems to sit still for long.It’s a hot muggy night and I’m sticky in my sweats and T-shirt, my hair has been up all day and it feels itchy with my scalp screaming for release. I had a good workout session in the gym after dinner, but I regret eating first. I’m starving now due to the energy bur
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I don’t get much sleep. I stare at the ceiling listening to the silence in the dark before dawn finally tugs me out of bed. I jog alone at 6.00 a.m. the familiar route I normally take with Jake, but he’s still in bed and avoiding him is my only plan of action this morning.I pound the picturesque streets of Seattle with my soft-soled running shoes and try to bring back all the calm and control that rules my life. We need to forget last night ever happened if we’re to move on. I need to stop over analyzing and obsessing over it and forget it ever happened.He was drunk! Jake’s impulsive and sometimes irrational when he’s drunk; he can be unpredictable and foolish, and I shouldn’t put any weight on last night at all. He’s a born womanizer and last night with beer goggles on I was just another possible conquest who was obviously giving him some sort of come-on signs.I shower and eat in my room and pack my suitcase. We’re h
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“I’m home,” I yell out into the apartment, dropping my keys on the hall table. There’s soft jazz music coming from Sarah’s room, the distinct smell of Marcus’s aftershave in the sitting room, and a half empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. I sigh, bristling inside and ponder showing up at Jake’s apartment for the night as he offered. I should have stopped over, instead of the extra car journey home; we’d be watching a movie by now.There’s no response from the closed bedroom so I assume they don’t want to be disturbed. I don’t attempt to call out again. I just go to my room and dump my luggage by the bed, glad to be home, yet at the same time the familiar pang of missing Jake is already washing over me.We have worked together so much over the last few months, glued side by side, so being apart feels abnormal. Even though we do occasionally spend weekends apart, somehow the recent non-stop chao
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It’s the middle of the night by the time we land in Chicago, and the hired driver takes me to West Englewood. The streets are badly lit, but don’t conceal the grubbiness or derelict area from view. The streets, although busy with traffic, seem almost deserted. The aura of poverty and hardship reflected in the brown buildings and scruffy stores and I get that old ripple of trepidation as unease moves through me and that weight of emptiness I used to feel at being here returns with a vengeance.I’m to meet Sophie at my old home, the apartment that my mother has lived in since the day she brought me home from the hospital. My mother is stable in St Bernard Hospital, but I won’t be able to see her until morning to assess how much damage has been done.I’m still numb with a tinge of anger even thinking about her. I know this isn’t natural—she’s my mother. I should feel concern, devastation, worry even, but I don’t. I’m
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In the morning light I tidy up and make breakfast for us both. Scrambled eggs, toast, coffee, and a smile as Sophie wanders through already dressed in jeans and a hoody, with sneakers. Her hair in a boyish ponytail. She’s an early riser like me.She sits awkwardly at the table as though she feels like she should be helping, but I brush it away with a warm beam and put her plate and mug in front of her. I genuinely like the girl; even in such a brief time, there’s something about her. I sit down to face her and let her eat for a few minutes whereas I can only pick at mine. My appetite is gone knowing we’re going to see my mother this morning. Teenage anxiety in full force.“So, Sophie, tell me about you … How did you end up here in Sunnyside?” I keep my tone bright and easy knowing if she’s as guarded a person as me, then she will never open up if I don’t tread carefully. She hesitates.“I ran away from home &helli
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