49

An hour or so later I’m staring at my reflection in the mirror, unsure how to feel as Leila and Andre gush over my new hair. It’s cut to shoulder length, but the natural wave of my hair has pulled it up by a couple of inches, the weight which had kept it straighter now gone. It’s lying in natural beachy waves, framing my face and he has lightened my tawny color with some sheer highlights, so I am transformed. Younger, softer, blonder.

I shake my head, enjoying it moving around my face freely as it’s different. So un-me. This is a huge step; cutting away my security, so that it hangs loose around me at all times, too short to really tie up in the way I always did. I wonder how often I’ll have Jake pull my hands out of my hair now, when I fidget.

This was such a dumb idea.

I am all big eyes and pouty lips now, more like a vulnerable child.

“I love it … You look super sexy yet, adorable still!” Leila grins at me via m