RowanWild.Uninhibited.Selfish.These are words I would never have used to describe myself before this moment, but right here with Cutter? I feel them all. Wild because I'm on a public beach, even if it is after the sun has gone down. Uninhibited because I'm moaning loudly, letting him know I love what he's doing to my body. Selfish because I want this so much.The old Rowan wouldn't even be here right now, much less letting a man do these things to her. "Don't stop," I beg, tilting my head back. Moisture hits me on the forehead, once, twice. It takes me a few seconds to realize it's raining. Cutter pulls back, his green eyes roving my face. He's panting, the skin of his chest pressing against mine. "Do you want to go back to your apartment?"I know myself well enough to realize how rare this moment truly is. As soon as we get up from here and we go back to my apartment, this will be over. I'm not ready for it to be over. We're just getting started."No." I grip h
Cutter"Why are you so happy today?" Tucker's voice is full of annoyance when he hears me whistling. We're taking a drive through Paradise Lost, looking to see if there are any more places that need to be cleared. If all goes well, the LSERT will be packing up and moving out this weekend. I'm not sure how I feel about leaving Rowan, but I can't deny I'm happy today.More relaxed than I've been in what feels like years. "Just happy. What's it to you? Don't come raining on my happiness parade.""Sorry," he sighs. "I miss the hell out of Karsyn. By this time they should have relieved us, but since we're coming home this weekend, we're staying longer than normal. It's not something I really planned on."I kind of want to tell him no one plans on a hurricane, but I figure my opinion isn't what he wants right now. "It's funny." I reach over, scratching Major. "When we came down here, I came because I didn't have anything else going on. I didn't have anything besides family to keep
Rowan"Did something happen to you?" Isaac asks, looking me up and down. "Get your hair cut or change your glasses?" He looks completely puzzled. "No, why?" I laugh. "You look different today.""Different good, or different bad?"He tilts his head to the side. "Different good. You look more alive than I've probably seen you look in years."Part of me wants to tell him it's because of Cutter. All because of what we experienced together last night. Another part of me wants to keep it a secret. Like if I don't tell anyone, it can never go away. I have a real fear it'll go away. Nothing good in my life has stayed the same since I lost her. "You haven't let yourself be happy in a long time, Ro. I think it's okay to allow yourself whatever it is you're doing."Isaac knows. The way he quirks the side of his mouth is a giveaway. Not that I wouldn't eventually tell him. To be partners, you have to trust the person you ride with implicitly. And I trust him more than I've trust
CutterMy eyes watch Tucker as he's putting his things together. We don't leave until tomorrow afternoon, but here he is. Already getting his stuff packed. After the day we've had, I can't believe he's not experiencing the same kind of adrenaline crash I am."You're excited, huh?"He smiles that stupid smile of dudes in love everywhere. "Yeah, I can't wait to see Syn, feel her wrapped in my arms, lay in bed with her. I miss every single thing about her. Even the shit I didn't think I would miss."I wonder if this is how it's going to be for me, but obviously I'll be the complete opposite. I'm not going home to the woman I love. I'm leaving the one I'm growing to know, thinking I can see a future with. It's hard not to be excited for him, but it's hitting me that tonight might be the last night Rowan and I ever see each other. We haven't discussed what's going to happen when the LSERT leaves. I guess we both thought we had more time. Tonight it's the one thing not on our side
RowanGlancing over at Cutter, I memorize his features. Unsure if we'll be able to make the long-distance thing work. I'm willing to give it a shot. What I'm not willing to do is let him leave here tonight without having him. If it's my only shot, I want to take it. Have to take it. It'll be something I regret for the rest of my life if I don't.I already have enough regrets and what if's. I can't let this be another one. I'm standing against the railing of the balcony, smirking. He wants me, I can see it in his eyes, can tell by the way his body's tightened, the tent at the crotch of his shorts.Everything says he wants me, and I want him just as badly. He slowly walks over to me, a swagger I've rarely seen in real life. Never thought I'd see walking toward me on a warm moonlit night in September on the Alabama coast, that's for damn sure. I grip the railing, using it to keep me from reaching out to him, and standing up. "You're fuckin' beautiful."The smell of Bud Light on
Cutter"I have to go," I remind her, whispering softly. The breath I exhale disturbs the hair at her temple. The sun has risen into the sky, shining brightly through her window. We saw every hour last night, including the moon."I wish you didn't." She holds onto my waist tightly.Her small voice kills me. It would hurt less if you filleted my chest open, exposing my heart. "I don't want to, but I need to get back to Laurel Springs."Although I'm not sure what my life is going to be like there now. Thinking about the place I've loved since I was a kid doesn't make me excited anymore. When I close my eyes it's hard to imagine the streets in vivid colors and the people I love, like I've always been able to do. That color is now slightly muted, the voices of my family not as loud as they once were."I know." She pulls herself from me, sitting cross-legged in the bed, not bothering to cover her form. The long hair I've wanted to see down flows over her chest, only separating w
RowanTears stream down my face as I watch them leave.There's no one here to hug me, no one to assure me it's going to all work out the way it's supposed to. I could have asked Sullivan to come, but then I'd have to explain to him about Cutter, and for now I want to keep all our memories to myself. I'm not a big fan of leaving things up to chance, but this is one of those times I'll have to have some trust. I don't have a crystal ball and I don't know what the future will bring. Not even sure I wanna know what the future has in store for me. It's burnt me more than once. In bigger ways than I ever thought it could.My eyes follow the taillights of the vehicles until they're gone. They're a blip on the horizon and I know I need to leave. It'll do me no good to stand here and wish things were different.Feeling completely hollow, I walk over to my car and get in, starting the engine. It's still warm here in the south, so I crank up my air conditioner, turn on the radio and ta
CutterOne Week Later"Your mom misses you."A heavy sigh releases from my chest. "You sure it's my mom?"Turning around, I see Dad standing behind me. I'm using the LSPD's workout room to train today, but I honestly didn't expect to run into him."We all miss you," Holden Thompson says as he stands in front of me. My dad has always been one of my favorite people, but since I've come back from Paradise Lost, things just haven't felt right. I've been doing my best, but my heart isn't in what's going on here. "I know." I grab hold of my t-shirt, pulling it over my head. Pulling it down, I stride to the treadmill and get on. Dad does the same thing."What are you doing?"He gives me a look. "Spending some time with my son. Ransom told me you aren't talking to him either, and I have a feeling you need to talk to someone."I hate when he's right, really bugs the shit out of me. Even though he's my favorite person, he can still get on my nerves. "What makes you think I